"Forcing" children to include others

[DorothyL]

If your primary age child was told they had to commit to one day a week choosing to do an activity that makes it possible for a physically disabled child to join in, would you think this is fair enough or that your child shouldn't be forced to play with another child?

Sorry, the disabled child is my son.
I was trying to gauge whether I expect too much.

@DorothyL you said you weren’t sure what the options were and I pointed out there is an option available. I’m unsure why anyone is unhappy with it? For a child to be excluded because of their disability really doesn’t say much about their peers or their school.

Sorry @DorothyL I didn’t realise it was your son. How crap he must be feeling at being excluded by his peers and school.

Oh sorry, so is it one child they have selected and when/how long is the activity for?

It used to be different, but since Christmas of year 6 they have all turned their back on him.

I am wondering if it's wrong to want the school to set up such a rota.
Yes it's "fake" then, but I think ds is past caring, he just wants people to play with.

I was about to ask if this was a reverse!

Maybe Dorothy works st the school and is trying to find a solution and what parents might think? I would feel awful if my ds had behaved that way towards a physically disabled child (ds has asd) or indeed any child and would completely support the school and encourage ds to include this child in activities as well as using the approach the OP suggests.

It’s not wrong, not at all. Social exclusion is awful, and the school have a duty of care to ensure your child isn’t being bullied.

Of course the school should get involved.
Sorry your son is being excluded

I think its really sad if its got to that point.

I would hope the school could do something a bit subtler than setting up a rota but a lot of schools do a 'no ball games for a particular year group' day anyway to regulate the playground.

Its slightly different but we have a small group of children that struggle in the playground and they get to do stuff in a class room like board games and they each pick a friend each day to come with them - everyone is deseperate to picked

I think making it a "task" is the wrong approach, as it may mean the children blame the child for not being able to play their other games. Surely there are other ways to do this...

• have the teacher look at interesting ways to adapt the game so the child can join in easier.

• declare one day a week, there will be a "group play" session just to mix things up a bit and focus on activities that the child can join in. (there's no need to say it in a "nobody will play with X so we need to make people do it)

• regularly introduce new games/activities to the class that are more inclusive and encourage all the children to join in

Certainly discussion about inclusion and making adjustments to play to allow everyone that wants to join would be in order.

As somone who has two special needs children i can’t think of anything worse it’s unlikely to foster friendship just resentment and also I definitely don’t want anyone friends with my children out of pity I would be fuming

Sorry - I see now he's your son. How heartbreaking for you. I hope the school support your suggestion and there must be some parents of the other dc who would be horrified that their dc had excuded your son.

I don’t see that as the child being forced to do something, I think it’s a good way for them to be taught to be aware of the needs of others. So long as it’s the whole class being asked to do this and not one/a few children being singled out, I’d be fine with it and actually quite pleased the school was doing it. If it’s only a few or one child being asked I’d say it’s grossly unfair to them though.

This is dreadful OP. Truly dreadful. I really feel for you.

Forcing the others if they really don't want to, is only going to build resentment though?

If I were in your shoes I'd be going back to the drawing board - unhelpful I know and I apologise.

Food for thought for me though and I hope to instill much more empathy and compassion in own child as he grows, based on your post.

there are loads of playground things that can be one. I'm so upset for you that a playground supervisor hasn't already instigated fun games your child can join in with that entice others to play

Good post GingerIvy

Does that mean he has to accept being left out?

No. I’m so sorry this is happening to your son.

I would hope my DD would be kind enough to include him anyway, but if not I absolutely would
Support this

Oh this is hard.

I don't think it would be fair if it were a particular child or small group of children chosen. But if the whole class or year group is involved then I think that's absolutely fine.

DorothyL May I ask does he have any difficulty making friends or is this just about physical activity?

What are his interests?
Perhaps a breaktime club can be set up based on those interests. It seems a bit more natural.

Or perhaps a social group he could have an important role in. Could the school stretch to some board games, table tennis etc.
He cannot be the only one feeling isolated.

I know around that age it can be a bit more difficult to encourage friendships than it is with primary age children.

I think it’s unfair to force children to ply with someone they don’t want to play with. I think we can tell them they must not be cruel, that they must be polite....but why do they have to play with someone they don’t want to play with?

I am wondering if it's wrong to want the school to set up such a rota.
Yes it's "fake" then, but I think ds is past caring, he just wants people to play with.

I'm my opinion yes, it is wrong. I think the school has to set up a play session with a group of children that includes your son.
Not a play session for your son.

AND

It used to be different, but since Christmas of year 6 they have all turned their back on him.
^ This.
From my own experience, I can tell you that year 6 is a mine field. Surge of hormones, secondary school placements and the pressure of SATS all add to children reacting in different ways.
My DD for example was "left out" because she went to a different secondary school to all the other children (there i is a choice of 4 in our area.). They all rearranged themselves into groups according to secondary schools...

@Thehop, so the excluded child just hd to lump it?

The problem is, if children are forced to play with him, this will be obvious to your ds, and that won't be nice either.
It's difficult.