"Forcing" children to include others

[DorothyL]

If your primary age child was told they had to commit to one day a week choosing to do an activity that makes it possible for a physically disabled child to join in, would you think this is fair enough or that your child shouldn't be forced to play with another child?

The school needs to focus on group games that every one can be involved in, make it a fun activity. I think it is very sad that the children are behaving like that and I would be mortified if I found out my child had done that. The school need to work with the children to help them understand and be open to differences not to reject them. It would be better if the children naturally engaged with your son but I think they should be made to include him and engage with him, no child should be excluded.

@Pengggwn I’m not engaging with you, you’re wilfully misunderstanding/don’t give a shit about a child with disabilities. I’ve dealt with more than my fair share of people like you and I have neither the energy nor the inclination to continue it tonight.

So you carry on with your frankly horrid attitude and I hope that you never, ever have to personally experience the kind of isolation that OPs son and so many other people with disabilities face on a daily basis. Because believe me, you’d get it then.

My 16 yo has Aspergers and has been ostracized and excluded for her entire time at school. She was bullied from 5 yo upwards, and although it's no longer physical as we moved schools, it hasn't stopped.

The schools have never tried to help or showed any compassion or understanding. Tbh, I've given up trying. I just hope college is better for her.

Other children still deliberately wind her up (eg, several of the girls refer to her as "it", yet the school won't do anything) and most of them exclude her. The ones that are friendlier (very few) use her and treat her like crap, but she's so desperate for friends that she tolerates it. She has no one that would put her first or be the for her if she needed them (although she's the first to offer help to them).

I guess my point is that children are mean and horrible, and most of them really don't give a shit about people that are different.

The school once asked them why they treated her so badly, and there was no real reason; just that she was different.

The sad thing is she is so kind and loyal, she'd make a great friend, but isn't given the chance.
She's now so desperate for friendship that when someone shows her a kindness she latches onto them and probably ends up suffocating them, so they back away.

Sorry, I've been no help. Just venting really.

Anyway, good luck, OP. I think I am of a minority opinion here.

It sounds like the OP's son does have options to be included with some children in his class just no one to do what he wants to do.
It isnt fair to have one day a week where children are forced to do what he wants. A variety of optional activities which are children are able if they want to to join in with then absoluetly.

SoddingUnicorns

Okay.

My ds was at primary with a child with dyspraxia. He knows that some of the boys were scared to tackle/pass to him because of this. (It doesn't help that he often had nasty bruises, grazed and a cast after playground injuries) No adult really helped with how to incorporate this into the footie.

Actually , as an experienced primary school teacher, kids are simpler than we think . We've had to make this arrangement at various points and it works . Kids generally crack on with it and provide company for the child who needs it . I would be happy for my child to do this although I'd like to think they'd take the initiative to include any child who was lonely .

I think this isn’t a bad or unreasonable request. It will benefit all children, as not only will they learn empathy but also that they may discover that they love hanging out with a child they didn’t consider as a potential friend before.
It can be trialled and if it proves a disaster then they can rethink. In my time(80s) we had two kids with disabilities in my class and our teacher took some of us aside and asked us to make an effort with them etc we did as requested and when other kids saw us hanging out with them, they were encouraged to do so too. One of these kids is one of my best friends to this day. I never felt forced.

@upsideup It sounds like the OP's son does have options to be included with some children in his class just no one to do what he wants to do.

Again, where did you read that???
That is NOT the case.

I know it’s not his fault mad but you can’t force anyone to play with him in free play - just like the same with kids that have no issues.

Yes the school could structure a game specifically for him but you can’t expect it in free play.

Like I said who ever said he couldn’t play needs taking to task but other than that you can’t force it and that’s why the school isn’t pushing it.

sodding I have over a decade of teaching sports to children with additional needs so fuck off yourself. You can only encourage children to play together not force them to. You don’t force or guilt children to do anything.

OP, tell me if I'm misunderstanding here, because it seems to be causing untold confusion:

There are a group of lads who play this game because they want to play.

Your ds also wants to play the same game they're already playing but because of his DISABILITY (ie: not being picky, or bratty, or deliberately difficult) he would need some adjustments made to the game that the others are already playing.

So you would like the school to pick maybe one lunchtime a week just one where reasonable adjustments are made to the game so that your ds can be included by the group already wanting to play it.

Am I right?

Jesus Christ you’re allowed near kids with additional needs with that attitude? The mind boggles.

Judging - and yes pants wedged up high - by some of the responses on this thread, it's hardly any wonder these schoolchildren are just me,me,me and so very unkind. Get it from their parents

Showing kindness and consideration for the less able and vulnerable in our society is now obviously a skill that needs to be learnt, rather than a natural thing to do; maybe even more important than playing an exclusive game for 4 lunchtimes out of 5, instead of 5 out of 5.

Because you said why should he have to play other things that gives the impression there are children playing and doing things that are not football/tag but he just doesn’t want to play with those children/them games. Are you really saying the whole of the school male population plays football/tag while the whole of the female population just go to the gym?

@scienceistruth 💐 for you and your dd

@MadMags that’s what I’m reading too.

The more I read the more upset I am for your DS this should have been sorted years ago. Have you had the boy who was his friend before Christmas at your house? Could you invite and find out the issue?

I admit I'm bad for buying dd the latest fad toy straight away to help facilitate her in the playground. Fidget spinner, squishies, kinetic rings, smiggle everything she has it all.

Could you send DS in with his own ball and some cones to do dribbling practice or a basketball instead of football try and draw some children to him. Dd tends to take her own ball in to play football usually a few other children will join her.

I would also expect the school to speak to the child who told your ds the game was not for him our school would not be happy about any child being excluded from a game.

ds wants to play physically active games, so I don't think he's asked others if he can join in - the vast majority of the boys play football

There are no other games ds wants to join in with. He's not into computer games or pokemon or anything. He sees children having a great time playing active games and wants to be part of that. Why do I have to tell him that he has to accept they are not for him?

I got from this that there are other games he could potentially join in with, just not the active games he wants to play.

SoddingUnicorns

As it happens, yes, I absolutely am, because I wouldn't exclude anyone, or force anyone. I make the reasonable adjustments I can make for my students without believing it is my right to force or pressure other children into doing what they do not have to do, because that is unreasonable.

So I don't give much of shit what you think at this stage, to be perfectly honest with you.

Goodnight.

I admit I'm bad for buying dd the latest fad toy straight away to help facilitate her in the playground. Fidget spinner, squishies, kinetic rings, smiggle everything she has it all

I do that too. I did find it hugely ironic when kids who pick on bairns with SN started finding fidget spinners cool and thinking they were new! DS1 has had one for years!

@Pengggwn dress it up however you like. Your attitude towards disabled people is perfectly clear. Give a shit, don’t, I don’t care, it changes nothing.

I have read the full thread....I have a child with a disability,...op,I think I'd be trying to unravel what when wrong at Xmas.why have the boys suddenly taken against your son..what are things like in the classroom? Are they partnering him? Or is he being excluded there too? This absolutely isn't on,and the school are at fault for allowing the situation to continue,bullying was the word that sprang to mind...exclusion and ignoring ,is a type of bullying.

MadMags Yes, pretty much.

No, it is not my child's 'job'. It would be wonderful if my child did go out of their way to be inclusive, but they are not obligated to spend their free time playing with any specific child, for any reason.

But apparently it's "not their child's job" to be compassionate and decent. I find that it's usually the parents that need more work on their compassion, so I can't say this attitude is a surprise. Generally children will, if presented with a situation in the right context, make an effort.

GingerIvy

Compassion cannot be forced. Nor can decency. I would teach my child to be inclusive. I would not force them to stop playing one game and start another. If my child likes to read or talk at lunch or break, that is her right.