"Forcing" children to include others

[DorothyL]

If your primary age child was told they had to commit to one day a week choosing to do an activity that makes it possible for a physically disabled child to join in, would you think this is fair enough or that your child shouldn't be forced to play with another child?

@DorothyL Secondary schools often have a great range of lunchtime activities, and of course far more children so more who don't want to/can't play football. This will hopefully open up more social activities for your son. I think football, although it should be reasonably easy to adapt is the one game that turns out the very hardest to adapt because everyone wants to be the next Harry Kane and prove how great they are. Is there any other games he could play that might be easier to adapt. Also is it worth speaking to the Mum of his friend and see what has happened for the friendship to cool.?

@Pengggwn asking a small group at a time to play with a child who is routinely excluded from every other activity because of his disability for one day a week is unreasonable? No, it’s not. If you think it is, then maybe ask yourself why? Because it isn’t. OP isn’t asking for everything to change all day every day, she’s asking for a wee bit of support to stop her child being isolated completely.

I also think there should be non-football lunchtimes. At dds primary, the boys who play think they're cock of the north. They take up 80% of the playground, don't let girls play, don't let the lesser able boys play (or if they do they're in goal or making up numbers but they certainly don't get passed to) etc etc
I'm sure it's lovely for the boys themselves, but it is completely inconsiderate of others.
I'm not sure there's many positives with it, other than the obvious one of the boys themselves getting exercise. But all at a larger expense.
A few lunchtime supervisors organising a big inclusive game of 'chicken, twin, hero' or similar would work well.

It sounds like there are lots of things he could take part in it’s just particular group of children playing a particular sport. A lot of the year 4+ boys at my children’s school that play football go to extensive training courses outside of school and some are even signed up with actual football clubs already.

The issue is they want a “proper” game that’s fast moving and following/knowing all the rules and that your ds struggles with that. I’m not sure forcing a small group to play with him one day with that particular sport is going to help relations at all as they will still want to play it how they always do just a smaller group or they will play something different that your ds still might not want to do.

What would be better is if the school could run football sessions as such and have a top end and a lower end so everyone who wants to play can have a chance regardless of their ability to play with other people of their ability.

so ds has to do what he doesn't want to because of his limitations

But your solution is just putting the problem on other children. Why should they have to do what they dont want to do?
Maybe they're shy and only feel comfortable playing with their close frriends. Maybe they need the hour lunch to themselves or doing what they want to do to be able to get through the aftenoon. Maybe they dont feel comfortable playing the game your ds wants to play, maybe they're not very good at it. Maybe they have another disabiltity which means they cant do it or just dont want to do it.

The school definately needs to help your ds to be included, the child who said this game isnt for you needs to be spoken to as that isnt fair but forcing kids to play his game with him isnt fair either.

Whattheactualfuckmate I've read your comment about 5 times and am still none the wiser. Kids don't go to school to be forced in to bring careers. What is this to do with careers? Is this not about a primary school?

Your user name in this instance is very apt!

Well, I do. I wouldn't be happy if my child who didn't like either football or tag were forced to play tag. It's their break time too - they should be able to spend it as they see fit

Your child won't die from having to run around for ten minutes

SoddingUnicorns

It's not unreasonable to ask them to include him. It is unreasonable to force them. It's their break time. And as I have already said, there is no way to ensure this would be 'just one day a week'. It sets a precedent that children can have their break time removed and be forced to spend it being part of someone's provision map. That isn't reasonable. Sorry we can't agree.

MadMags

Well, as it happens, you don't know that. But even if that is the case, it's hardly the point. It's their break time. Removing the free time of a whole class of children and forcing them to play a particular game is inappropriate. It isn't their job to make the reasonable adjustment, it is the school's job.

It’s not their fault that they haven’t got the issues he has though. Maybe he is very demanding and that’s why his friend is giving him a swerve. Kids don’t go to school to be forced in to bring careers. It’s only when true friendship happens children are more inclined to do that

Wow. Just wow. Compassion not of your strengths then, eh?

Nobody is saying "force them to be carers." People are saying that children need to learn to be inclusive and understanding. School is about preparing them for the adult world - the adult world includes those with disabilities.

Two of my three children have disabilities. I still discuss being inclusive and understanding about others' needs to my children with disabilities. Why? Because they're not the only ones with disabilities on the planet - and they need to realise that just as they like to be included, so do others. I think it's an important thing for children to learn.

Removing the free time of a whole class of children and forcing them to play a particular game is inappropriate.

Except that's not what OP is suggesting.

And as I have already said, there is no way to ensure this would be 'just one day a week'.

How so? It’s a school, aren’t there rules in school? Teachers to ensure the rules are followed? Your point isn’t valid. You don’t see why other kids should have to include a disabled kid. Says it all really.

@Murane so ds has to do what he doesn't want to because of his limitations. While everyone else is allowed to do what they want.

I don't understand why you think it's unfair that your DS can't do what he wants, but you think it's fair that others can't do what they want?

The school needs to organise activities where both your DS and others are doing something they want to do, and all are participating because they want to, not because they've been told they have to.

MadMags

Then I have clearly misunderstood. But I don't think it is appropriate to allow one child to look round a class and dictate which children are going to be made to play which game either. I understand why the OP wants this, but it really is not reasonable and I would not allow my child to be forced into it. I'd be delighted if they offered, but I would rule out them being directed to play tag at break.

Rather than making the kids adapt the games currently on offer, could he be supported in starting a game? Something new and interesting to draw some kids towards him rather than forcing it.

I don't have SN but I was excluded all through school. I was always the kid neither team wanted when sports teams were being chosen. Whoever got forced to take me never passed to me and just used me to fetch the ball when it went out. IME, if kids don't want to include somebody, it's hard to police a game to the point where they're truly included rather than just standing near the game.

@SoddingUnicorns I think the poster is trying to say that in a typical class of 30, there will be 3 or 4 kids who need support in the playground and the school should help all of them rather than just one child.

It isn't their job to make the reasonable adjustment, it is the school's job.

Bollocks. It's everyone's job to make reasonable adjustments to some extent - it's how a humane and compassionate society works.

Yippeeee, being bullied all the time and having an unhappy home life does tend to make people ‘down’. Ffs, leave out the sack and PLEASEdont repeat these abusive terms near your own offspring.

But I don't think it is appropriate to allow one child to look round a class and dictate which children are going to be made to play which game either.

Also not what she wants.

Dorothy that reminds me of the boy I mentioned. DD invited him to her birthday party one year, and his mum said it was the first birthday party he'd ever been invited to outside family. She thought it was the parents, because the kids all loved him. He was lovely, didn't each much, but had a ball in the soft play. 😊

SoddingUnicorns

Teachers should not be making 'one off' rules. That is inconsistent and inappropriate. If the OP has a valid case to expect her DS to be included even at the cost of the other kids' play time, so does every other parent of an excluded child.

MadMags

Again, in that case I have misunderstood, but it sounded very much like that to me.

@Chattymummyhere It sounds like there are lots of things he could take part in
I'm genuinely baffled where in the thread it says that? The whole point is that there is not?

@sweeneytoddsrazor the other boy's mum never spoke to me even when they were good friends at school. I think she felt her ds could do better 😔

@rainingcatsanddog if those 3 or 4 have disabilities then absolutely. The point is that a fair few posters are absolutely ignoring the disability aspect. Which is ridiculous.

GingerIvy

No, it is not my child's 'job'. It would be wonderful if my child did go out of their way to be inclusive, but they are not obligated to spend their free time playing with any specific child, for any reason.