To say no to DPs lift request

[PatrickMelroseFan]

DP asked if I’d give him a lift in a couple of weeks time when he is planning on meeting his sister for lunch (she lives abroad).

It’s an hours drive (each way) & in a village location so basically I would be a chauffeur so he can get pissed. But ‘ I could do something for a couple of hours ‘ - like what ?

So I’ve politely declined his request & he’s pissed off

Can he not travel to the nearest station? Or drive there, stay overnight and drive himself back the following day?

Fuck me, that was a bit unnecessary, Blackcat! What did I do to bring that aggressive torrent of invective down on my head? To answer the question that appears to be buried in that rant, no we don't live in each others' pockets, we do a lot of things separately. And we're a very happy partnership, thank you.

And I love spending time with my siblings on our own, it's a completely different experience than in a group.

Bluelady how is what I said in any way remotely aggressive or invective? Clearly you are reading things in that aren't there. And I think insinuating that couples who don't leave their partners in cars are 'living in each others pockets' is extremely rude, aggressive and very unnecessary. This is not just about hobbies, this is about his family/her inlaws! You don't seem to understand the difference. This is not about lads going out for drinks. This is him seeing her sister in law and leaving her in the car! This is about FAMILY. You really can't see the difference.

@Neverender a 3 hour round trip isn’t the same as a 2 hour round trip with about 3 hours of hanging around with fuck all to do in between. Would you have been happy partying with your DH sat in the car waiting for hours for you?

Bluelady "are people really this selfish"? What justifies being aggressive and calling people who treat their partners with respect, as 'selfish'? What a rude and nasty person! Check yourself before you go accusing people of being selfish then get upset when you get some back. Wow.

Neverender "He once drove 1.5hrs to collect me from a work xmas party"

That is completely different from meeting family in secret and hiding/leaving your partner in the car. I don't understand how people can't see that this isn't about ladies nights out, men's night out at the pub, work parties/functions, etc. This is about not being invited to have lunch and drinks with your own family. Your own inlaws.

Oh do grow up.

Selfless people can actually manage to inconvenience themselves slightly for the person they love.

lol so in that case the OP's DP can inconvenience himself by getting public transport, staying the night or by not having any alcoholic drinks for one lunch. That should be no problem right for the one he loves?

Would he do the same for you? If he doesn't see his sister that often and wants to be able to relax with her over a glass of wine, then I don't think it's too much to ask.

When I was able, I would have done the same for my hubby as he does so much for me.

How on earth is it 'secret'?

Wow. Clearly I'm not the one who needs to grow up. Look in the mirror.

Also I often go on ladies night or meet up with a friend when DH isn't invited but I would never expect my DH to wait outside in the car for three hours so I could do it.

And I actually don't think it's any different! It's saying you want to do something and there is a way that your wife/husband can help you do it and have a great time. It's not all about what DH thinks of the OP, it's just something he'd really like to do.

Of course I’d do it? For friends and family too if they asked me
Be kind OP

When you are in a partnership, you have separate hobbies, but you meet family as a couple, Neverender. Why do you think it is normal for your spouse not to have lunch with your family?

I cant see him being unable to get a bus or a taxi. Even in very remote areas theres a skeleton bus service.I'd help him research the public transport options/ taxis.
Sod that waiting around like billy no mates whilst he gets pissed. I'd just laugh and tell him to grow up.

So you're not allowed to meet up with anyone in your family without DH? I enjoy doing things with all of my family members with or without DH. Just because something fun is happening it doesn't mean there's a compulsory invite list....well, not in my life there isn't.

This also means my Mum can spend time with my sisters or brothers with or without me. It's lovely for them to be able to do this and doesn't make me feel anything negative. When they do ask if I am free to spend time with them, I know they want to.

I should add, if DH wants to spend time with his Dad, Mum, Brother, that's fine. I think it's great for them to have some time on their own and good for him to have experiences and discussions that I am not at - who knows what they want to discuss.

I still don't understand why the DP's desire so drink a bottle (!) of wine with his lunch is more important than the OP's time. If alcohol is an absolute must, which I for the life of me can't understand why, surely he could compromise and have one glass with his meal and thus be able to drive himself?

Sometimes, just sometimes, people want to get pissed with their sister.

Is this in the UK? As I’m struggling to think of anywhere bar parts of Scotland that when you drop dp off that there is knowhere within 10-30 mins that you can’t go and have a mouch around go for coffee shopping or the like?

I’m not tied to the hip to my DH either but I think it’s off to expect him to hang about in the middle of nowhere for a few hours just because I want a drink/to tight to pay for a taxi. I value his time and comfort more than to treat him like that.

@ilovegin - I take it your not familiar with Shotton colliery then 😂