Jesus she's not dead yet DP Ex wife

[notdeadyetalready]

Tonight lovely DP comes home all worried. His ex wife is harping on text about a weekend a fortnight away ( DP contact weekend) demanding to know what he is doing that weekend.

Teenage DC then text asking Dad, what are we doing weekend of (2 weeks away).

This happens a lot. Mum gets them all stressed about stuff on Dads weekends.

So ex W is DEMANDING to know what he's doing that weekend.

He replies calmly it's his weekend so don't book anything. We are busy.

More yelling about his unreasonableness. Then she starts up that they have a funeral and why isn't he more sympathetic he's a shot dad and they have to attend the funeral because it can't be any other time.

He calls teenage DC to express utmost sympathy about dear darling great Aunt.

To be told

SHE'S STILL ALIVE. (Albeit very poorly but still alive)

What sort of fucked up mind does that ???

Posted too soon. In general the night of the death everyone gathers at the persons family home, next night is funeral home, next day is burial, followed by another gathering.

Actually - does the UK do funeral homes/viewings or is that an Irish thing as well??

Zooplo there's a really good thread on the craicnet board about the differences between Irish and English culture and norms and funerals have been discussed there at length- it was v interesting (for me anyway).

@Zooploo the Father can't take the child to the orthodentist (and doesn't generally) because he lives 75miles away, you clearly didn't re-read things very clearly. the EXW is being unreasonable because
a)the weekend in question has always been the Father's weekend to have the girls yet she still booked the orthodentist appointment for that date.
b)She has had 4 weeks to inform the father that the orthodentist appointment is booked for that date but instead has left it until now.
c) Is trying to tell the father that she and the DC WILL be attending the aunt's funeral that weekend as a fact.

She could have instead apologised for not letting him know but she's just realised that the date she booked for the DD appointment is on his weekend. "Would he be able to pick up the DDs following the appointment or should she try to change it? also, DAunt is very very sick and we fear she is near to the end, I just wanted to give you a heads up that should she pass away myself and the DDs will need to attend the funeral and I hope that you can be flexible around those plans as and when we know them." that sort of thing.

Wow - is this a thing now? Can we set funeral dates while the person is still alive?

I'm off to plan my SIL's. She's not ill or anything, but it would cheer me up no end.

@Peopleplease that's mainly an Irish thing too, although it's not unheard of in England.

With my Nanny in Ireland she passed away in the wee small hours on a Thursday morning. She was prepared and laid in rest in her bed in her home where she died overnight. On the Friday afternoon she was popped into the coffin and the coffin was processed through the town to the church (on foot the whole way) (the people int he streets and also shops and businesses stop what they are doing and also switch off their lights while the procession passes. She was then laid in rest inside the church overnight on the Friday night and on the Saturday morning was the funeral and burial.

conversely my grandmother in England passed away on a Saturday and we didn't see her again, until 10 days later when the coffin arrived in the hearse and we went by car to first the church for the funeral and then the crematorium.

@soupforbrains my dad died around 7pm and mum chose to have him kept at home that night. So the next morning the undertaker arrived to take him to the funeral home.

I traveled in the hearse and was presently surprised by the amount of respect people in general showed.

1. Dad chooses to move 75 miles away.
2. "DP. Don't book anything on the x. It's my weekend" - then Dad insists that his weekend is kept clear of appointments.

I'm sorry but why isn't he splitting it 50/50. Children need health care, why should it always be left to the mother and done during her time. They are his kids as well.

And from the posts actually the woman says she will take the children to Dad's whever he is after the funeral. This to me seems pretty damn reasonable (assuming the Aunt has died). Perhaps they are planning the funeral to be a weekend so children can go and it's very likely Aunt will die soon.

@mostdays Thank you, i'll go and have a read.

Zooploo it's usually one person taking a lead because otherwise there is confusion. However I'm sure Dad would be happy to sort out the orthodontist if Mum hadn't chosen to book a non urgent appointment on one of days on a day that had already been booked for six months for a special occasion for Dad's family Of all the days she could have picked, Mum chose to pick a day that would mean that her kids missed out on something important in their Dad's family.

It's hard to put a good slant on that.

Mind you, if I was the Dad I may well talk about taking over medical appointments etc. I bet the mum would pitch a fit at the thought of losing control of that part of their lives.

Flexoset -

Oh and the orthodontist has been booked on Dad's weekend, not mum's

Zoopla is obviously v hard of understanding. As has been explained he isn’t always unwilling to attend appointments. Just this particular one because it falls on the same day as a pre-existing arrangement that the ex knew about. I’m not sure why you find this so hard to follow.

It’s reasonable to take the children back after the funeral assuming the aunt has died. Hysterical. That’s the whole point! She hasn’t died. And therefore there’s flexibility around the date/time of the funeral.

How old are the teenagers?

NFTFT but I did go to a funeral a month ago which was on a Saturday - surprised me too that they managed that.

OP she's crazy booking a funeral for a woman who is not dead. It sounds like she'll make whatever excuse she can to cause trouble but this sounds like a new low.

Lol you funny bunch. I went to work today and you've all been discussing cultural differences over funerals. Brilliant. I've learnt stuff

Ok. We live SE. opposite sides of Greater London. Funerals here def take weeks and weeks. Religion is obviously an over ruling factor. But for the bog standard, not much religion English family, there ain't no priority.

The Aunt however lives on a small island south of here. UK. Feasibly if she died today, they may need to have a prolonged trip away should the funeral be arranged then. As it's Ex wife very close family though I also would expect some realisation that parenting is NOW SHARED.

She doesn't though. She's batshit.

DP family party booked 6 months ago and specifically booked on a weekend where DP has the children.

Orthodontist booked 6 weeks ago. On his weekend. Probably also done very much deliberately. If this was a thread about Dad not pulling his weight, she could have deliberately booked the appointment on a day Dad is in home town. During the middle of his working day.

But no. It's very much a thread about a controlling narcissist.

Teens are just 13 and 15 recently.

The 15 yo especially is old enough to tell their mother they’re going to the party.

Is your dh going to contact the orthodontist to see about rearranging the appointment. Or even you, you could pretend to be her.

I absolutely will suggest he calls to move appointment. He'll have time tomorrow to go.

We hadn't thought of moving appointment. He will. Of course that won't be satisfactory and ex will still shriek.

Trouble is ex has already started on teens that he's screwed it up and it's his fault and he doesn't pull his weight. The good old guilt trip.

Haven't spoken to him yet this eve but I'll update if there's any more amusing ex wife craziness.

The orthodontic appointment is surely up to the teenager who requires it.

Is he able to have a sensible conversation with, for eg, her mum re the funeral, pointing out it's his weekend and there have been plans in place for 6 months. He could even mention that if it were a party to celebrate, say, her own 70th, that she would want it to be on a w/e where the dcs are with ex, her own dd, to ensure that they were there, and that it's no different with his family member.

And fgs change the orthodontist appt. asap.

I hope your DP would tell the DC that should the aunt actually die and the funeral take place then that he'd be supportive of them if they would rather pay their respects to Great Aunt Mabel, but if she doesn't their paternal family are really looking forward to celebrating with them.

Ex wife doesn't do reasonable.

Doesn't seem to be in her repertoire.
I mean, I've read so many unreasonable people threads here over the years.

But to demand children's presence at a funeral for a non dead person is ludicrous.

She is not reasonable. Point proven !

Yeah, but is he able to have a reasonable convo with ex's mum for instance? The children't gran, I mean.

No. Sadly she's even more crazy.
But she's in her eighties. Most poisonous situations are dreamt up between ex wife and her mother.

Apparently the aunt (still alive) is a far nicer person. I'm sure she's reasonable enough to hold on a bit longer