Jesus she's not dead yet DP Ex wife

[notdeadyetalready]

Tonight lovely DP comes home all worried. His ex wife is harping on text about a weekend a fortnight away ( DP contact weekend) demanding to know what he is doing that weekend.

Teenage DC then text asking Dad, what are we doing weekend of (2 weeks away).

This happens a lot. Mum gets them all stressed about stuff on Dads weekends.

So ex W is DEMANDING to know what he's doing that weekend.

He replies calmly it's his weekend so don't book anything. We are busy.

More yelling about his unreasonableness. Then she starts up that they have a funeral and why isn't he more sympathetic he's a shot dad and they have to attend the funeral because it can't be any other time.

He calls teenage DC to express utmost sympathy about dear darling great Aunt.

To be told

SHE'S STILL ALIVE. (Albeit very poorly but still alive)

What sort of fucked up mind does that ???

Anyone else wondering if the ex wife is planning to actually assist auntie in dying????
Seems very odd the poor woman isn’t dead yet but a funeral date has been planned.
Is the ex left a huge amount of money or property in the will?

I agree with DP calling the Orthodontist and the Crematorium to check times and then tell the Ex that he knows the truth and that he won't stand for her attempts to sabotage his time with his DC.

We've had this, all sorts to emotional blackmail via the DC, the out and out lies, the accusations and sob stories. My OH has just remained calm, sent proof and details to refute her nonsense, and cced in the solicitor.

All the shenanigans have been MUCH more contained since the solicitor was instructed.

Your DP needs to get legal advice, I think you'd all benefit from getting a court order in place. I'd also suggest now is a good time too to get this sorted - maybe look into a specific issues order?

Why was she asking you what the plans were for that weekend if she already knew that it was a family function and trying to sabotage it?

Seems odd, that she would be asking when she already knew.

Dad can take the kids to the othodontist - no biggie.

NHS dentists and orthodontists can work weekends.

orthodontist here looks at teeth says right this needs seeing again in 6 weeks. You go to the receptionist and she says 'right the closest i can get you to 6 weeks is this' and you take what's offered or you negotiate a bit.

totally bizarre.
If the aunt does die, it will take at least 4 weeks post mortem to arrange her funeral.
However, right from the beginning of your message, you sound unpleasant about her.
Maybe you might want to think about you and your DP's attitudes to her as well.

Exw sounds batshit crazy who arranges a funeral when someone isnt dead?

Not very helpful but this reminded me of my husbands great aunt. Years ago she was very poorly and was taken to hospital in an ambulance. Somehow her neighbours were all told she'd died and being a close community they all dropped sympathy cards round for her kids to pick up. Only she wasnt actually dead and when news got round that she was instead coming home, they ended up trying to fish the cards out of her letterbox with a grabber.

nobody can plan and book a funeral for a person who is alive. FFS.

If the aunt does die, it will take at least 4 weeks post mortem to arrange her funeral.

You don't need a post mortem in the majority of deaths, paritcularly when a person has been ill beforehand.

And, many religions can organise, and do organise funerals within 24 - 48 hours.

May be missing the point here, but why can't your OH take his kid to the orthodontist?

Zooploo, can you not read?
'Post Mortem' just means 'after death'.
At no point was anyone talking about an autopsy.

Just bump the Ex wife off. It’s really the best solution all around...especially for the Aunt!

I know it’s early...but still...

Zooploo FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast wasn't meaning an autopsy, but using the phrase literally as "after death" (so "it will take at least 4 weeks after death to arrange her funeral").

Well it doesn't take four weeks, I can read and this is bonkers - most funerals occur within four weeks. Autopsy or not. In fact, I don't think I've been to a funeral that was more than a week after the death.

Stand down FourFried. They don't do Latin in schools any more and people just know post mortem as an alternate noun for autopsy. It's a perfectly ordinary misunderstanding, and there's no need to cast doubt on another poster's literacy for it.

" I can read " - well just try to read a bit more closely then, so that you get the meaning of the sentence.
In London, for example, yes it will take 4 weeks 'post mortem' (eg after death) for a funeral to be arranged.

CaptainNancyoftheAmazon I'm crying at that

OKOK I apologise, Jamie is quite right.

In London, for example, yes it will take 4 weeks 'post mortem' (eg after death) for a funeral to be arranged.

Really? That's funny because I'm in North West London, and I can tell you the three funerals i've been to this year have happened 24 hours after the death - all three of them.

Oh for crying out loud.

How long it takes to arrange a funeral is as locally variable as houseprices.

Total click bait 😂😂😂 I opened this expecting a nice rant about why an ex wife isn’t dead yet.

In all seriousness that is hilarious and totally bat shit crazy

Can he ring the orthodontist himself and change the appointment to a day when he's in town and has access to dc's, just not on a weekend ie, after school?

Obviously he can't do anything about the 'funeral' but he could check that it is actually booked. As dcs are teens, can they not say anything to their mum, don't they have voices?

Though as aunt lives abroad, maybe ex has booked flights.....

How long it takes to arrange a funeral varies according to locality. But one thing is pretty nationwide: you are actually only allowed to cremate a person once they are dead. And even people who appear to be drawing their last breath can sometimes hang on for a surprisingly long time.

Zooploo - I take it that you are Jewish or Muslim - in which case, lucky you, because otherwise it takes an age.