Jesus she's not dead yet DP Ex wife

[notdeadyetalready]

Tonight lovely DP comes home all worried. His ex wife is harping on text about a weekend a fortnight away ( DP contact weekend) demanding to know what he is doing that weekend.

Teenage DC then text asking Dad, what are we doing weekend of (2 weeks away).

This happens a lot. Mum gets them all stressed about stuff on Dads weekends.

So ex W is DEMANDING to know what he's doing that weekend.

He replies calmly it's his weekend so don't book anything. We are busy.

More yelling about his unreasonableness. Then she starts up that they have a funeral and why isn't he more sympathetic he's a shot dad and they have to attend the funeral because it can't be any other time.

He calls teenage DC to express utmost sympathy about dear darling great Aunt.

To be told

SHE'S STILL ALIVE. (Albeit very poorly but still alive)

What sort of fucked up mind does that ???

Egginacup
You're clearly reasonable. You have said the magic words could we, may we it would help me if....

Instead he gets

What are you doing weekend of x? DC has orthodontist and they won't do another day.

DP. That's my weekend. You will have to change the appt

It's the only time they can do until late August. When is your family party?

DP. Our diaries aren't synched. Family party is my weekend.

As usual you come before your DC if you could give me a straight answer I will get DC to where she needs after to be after. And we will be in x for my aunts funeral anyway which both DC want to go to.

DP. Don't book anything on the x. It's my weekend.

(I know he seems brusque but this has been over a year if alternate weekends after divorce so the weekends are the weeeknds and the distance is 75 miles)

Tbh she doesn’t need to give a reason- she can ask and he can say yes or no. Yes it sounds odd, but maybe she is upset or death is v close and they are expecting the funeral to be on that day.

I just thought the phrasing that she is ‘demanding’ to know if he has any particular plans that weekend is unnecessarily dramatic. As I said, perfectly normal to negotiate/swap weekends sometimes.

Two things:

Funerals are very rarely at weekends ( assuming UK)

We are all praying for Great Aunt to make a miraculous comeback.

Third, sorry, she’s batshit, YANBU.

My ExH was always very co-operative around orthodontist appointments. Mind you, he knew they were real.

But something doesn't sit quite right here ... if the DC are teens, (a) surely they get to decide about weekends anyway, and (b) they will tell your DP what is actually happening ie the truth about appointments, funerals etc. Surely??

Cross posts- just playing devils advocate, she has asked when the party is and said that she will get the DC there afterwards. So she does need to know the time in that case. Him not giving the details would probably get my back up too unless there is a big back story.

Agree funeral comment is rather odd if it’s not true though.

Are you sure the crem is open on Saturday? Some are but it costs extra, my Dad's a funeral director and its pretty rare for him to do a weekend funeral but not totally unheard of. He'd definitely question a booking for someone who isn't dead yet though, and probably call the police (unless its a turning the machines off situation)

Oh Lordy is the Great Aunt leaving a substantial amount in her will? This sounds very sinister indeed.

Is your DPs EW mine?!

Because it sounds the exact same!

Messages to and fro. Drama drama drama. And all his kids are 18+ aaarghh!

Often things like - can you pick up DD from... long detailed.... and he had to reply immediately or it becomes a call... then message... then a call... what is he doing after... more questions... then usually of well didn’t need to picking up... drama

I don’t know about your DPs EW but it’s because EW is:

Bored... likes to fill in those gaps and sees DP as her go to person.
Control of DP... likes to feel she can intrude and control his time.
Attachement to DP... still wants to feel a priority.
To piss me off... don’t underestimate the vindictive nature of some people!

Why isnt he involved with taking them to the orthodontist? Presumably he cares as much about their teeth as ex does?

Although I have the most inflexible ex to deal with - truly makes your DP ex seems like an angel. I know (from my DC) that they have a dental appt booked with a consultant. It has been booked for months. My ex will email me the details the week before and ask if I wish to attend so that he technically complies with a court suggestion that I be involved.

Egg I would love flexibility about contact weekends. I mean not every weekend being changed, just that the relationship is good enough that flexibility can be discussed. Well done for getting to that point. #coparentingnirvana

Surely either parent can take a child to medical things like orthandontist? Whoevers weekend it 'is' just has to take them?

N.b. I think weekends belong to the kids not 'mum's weekend' and 'dad's weekend'....

And big things like orthodontic surgery (say), both parents should be there, really.

An exwife of a friend of a friend of mine managed to arrange a funeral for her mother whilst she was still alive. She thought she'd get in early because she didnt like the idea of the body hanging around. However on the day she arranged her mother was still alive. No idea if she paid a cancellation fee, dont suppose it happens very often.

i think we missed the paet about how far they are

i dont think dh ca just pop over for a dentist appt

He has been a complete 50/50 dad until last year as in they both worked part time and parented part time absolutely half.

The marriage broke down over a long period. (Nothing to do with me). He stayed for DC.

He moved away 75 miles but still works there 50% of week. So he get up at 5am to be able to drive them to school before work 5 days in 10.

(75 miles incidentally where he has also had a part time job for 15 years so not a whim).

Orthodontist appointments get booked at the previous appointment. 6 weeks ago. His weekend.

I just think she's out to sabotage his side of the family party (it's a biggie, massive event, effort, special outfits, taxis booked, a la Carte type venue. Big big birthday of an old person. Posh.

So you're a shit dad because it's the orthodontist (booked 6 weeks ago versus 6 months ago for the party)
So her still alive Aunt's having a funeral that weekend.

It's outrageous.

He's best off just keeping it calm and factual, via texts.
So: orthodontist appointment - is it near enough to yours for him to take DC there? If so, he can do that. Otherwise, he can say he will collect DC after the appointment or something.
(Because presumably it's plausible that this was the only appt they could get for ages - good orthodontists are often in demand). Everything else, one message back and if she keeps on, just reply 'this has been discussed' and don't reply again. And don't answer phone calls.

Shamelessly place marking to find out if ExW bumps off great aunt..

FWIW OP, you are your DH ANBU! You have a pre planned event which she is trying to wreck.

Is it possible she hasn't told DC about death yet? Waiting till weekend to break news?

Who has a funeral at the weekend, anyhow?

Unless Saturday is the day reserved for cremating the living

She'll need a doctor's certificate (that the aunt is dead) and a death certificate to confirm the funeral booking.

I don't see her managing to get the funeral booked in time, tbh. Rookie mistake.

Next time there's a party to disrupt, she needs not to leave it all to the last minute, and to kill off the aged relative sooner.

why can't he do the ortho appt? if its so important, he takes the child. as the ex it annoys the shit out of me that all appts seem to fall on me to arrange. he is the one saying child can't go, so he should re-arrange it.

Pretty sure DC know she's alive factually. Explained some health issues at length.

Reanimate he is absolutely calm. He hasn't replied to any hence when I read typed the messages it maybe comes across a brusque. Thats him not engaging.

Maybe a sweepstake on day of death for the next fortnight. Who's in?

We didn't get choose our orthodontist appointments - we were just given them. It's a busy service, especially for teens.

I'm in 🤣

Kudos to your OH for not engaging in her drivel

Originalemu he has been told today about the orthodontist appt. veiled within an attack of you never do anything veiled in my Aunt is dead so you can't have the DC anyway

It's not about the orthodontist appt surely. Pure out and out narcissism ?!?

Looking at the facts of the ortho appt, why the hell did she book it on a day clearly marked as DC not here that day and with dad 75 miles away