Jesus she's not dead yet DP Ex wife

[notdeadyetalready]

Tonight lovely DP comes home all worried. His ex wife is harping on text about a weekend a fortnight away ( DP contact weekend) demanding to know what he is doing that weekend.

Teenage DC then text asking Dad, what are we doing weekend of (2 weeks away).

This happens a lot. Mum gets them all stressed about stuff on Dads weekends.

So ex W is DEMANDING to know what he's doing that weekend.

He replies calmly it's his weekend so don't book anything. We are busy.

More yelling about his unreasonableness. Then she starts up that they have a funeral and why isn't he more sympathetic he's a shot dad and they have to attend the funeral because it can't be any other time.

He calls teenage DC to express utmost sympathy about dear darling great Aunt.

To be told

SHE'S STILL ALIVE. (Albeit very poorly but still alive)

What sort of fucked up mind does that ???

You can amend orthodontist appointments if you ask..

... if you WANT to ask...😉

If it even is an appointment.

Do orthodontist book appointment slots for the whole year ahead rigidly for all appointments or do they say right. This needs checking in 4/6/8 weeks.

(Puts hand up as not actually sure)

I think she’s perfectly reasonable to ask about swapping weekends, for whatever reason she pleases.

Except possibly for the funeral of an aunt who hasn't actually died yet.

Maybe slightly missing the point but I’ve never heard of a weekend funeral!

I'm also missing the point of the thread, but we're in Scotland and my FIL died about 18 months ago. He died suddenly around midnight on the Thursday and was buried in the local cemetery at 2pm on the Saturday.

It took my husband some serious negotiating all day on the Friday, but it happened as FIL would have wanted.

Obviously this funetal ia fake... But why us everyone so shocked at the idea of weekend funerals?
I've been to 3 funerals this year held on a saturday. My grand was a saturday and that was 10 years ago. Plenty of weekend funerals in between those. Maybe my family just like cremating on a weekend...

Why should she make the child wait for another appointment? It wasn't Ok for him to move 75 miles away from his children. It was bound to cause problems.

Why does he get to cop out of all the mundane but important stuff?

Generally (in SE) there aren't enough slots at the crem to fit in all the dead people so usually there is a wait of 4-5 weeks to actually get a slot to perform the service.

My dad had a Russian orthodox burial (long fucking boring story) and that was arranged at speed but still took 3 weeks.

The AUNT however lives in a tax haven off UK. I wouldn't have a clue about wait times. EXCEPT SHES NOT DEAD YET

Your dp moved 75miles so no longer doing 50:50? Is that right? Why did he move?

Birds
Because of a hundred reasons nothing to do with being a bad dad. He's there in the same 50 50 role he always was. Same days. Same place. Same work. Same as ever. He doesn't demand stuff for the sake of the DC. He keeps the status quo. Except he absolutely wants his time EOW which was agreed with his DC. Uninterrupted time. Family time. Grandparents time.

If Ex W was reasonable, she'd allow him to take DC to appointments when he was in the home town (work would absolutely allow this). But she doesn't. She controls. She demands. She criticises. He doesn't want the arguments anymore.

DP and ex shared a business 50 50 hours work and childcare.

Now teens. Now divorced.

DP also worked one day in home town he grew up in. Same employer 15 years. He used to bring DC before school every week to see grandfolks. And during school holidays.

After marriage break up (her choice) he moved back to this town and commutes to DC town 5 of 10 days for work.

He also works the other days in home town.

I'm assuming the DC are invited to the big family party? If I were them I'd be pissed off at my mother for making me miss what sounds like a right do for an orthodontist appt and a fake funeral!

Sure, any former couple has the option to swap weekends IF it's mutually agreeable or under special circumstances. But in this case it's not either of those.

The key is to state the facts then leave her to it. Grey rock

His approach is good, but then he needs to close down comms

Tbh, he needs to get this arrangement formalised, id recommend legal advice

She’s doing it on purpose

My oh ex is exactly the same

Are they only just teens or almost adult teens?
If the latter then maybe your DH could get the number of the orthodontist from them and call and rearrange the appointment - then everyone KNOWS for a fact whether or not it is actually booked for his family party weekend or she's just a manipulative liar (which, given her Aunt is Not Yet Dead but planning a funeral for that weekend too, suggests the latter)

I would call the orthodontist. Pull out the rug from under her. No drama. Just reschedule if the appointment actually exists.

well yes, she is being unreasonable about the rest, but you said his firest reaction was 'YOU'll have to change the orthodontist appointment' which implies he leaves this to her, and his plans are more important than the childs dental health. 75 miles isn't a great distance. its more than doable. if it was my child i would take them on my weekend. not the kids fault you live 75 miles away and its to their detriment to not get their braces seen to on time.

Maybe she's had a psychic vision of Auntie's death.

Wow she sounds interesting. Can Dp call the orthondontist and see if they have another appt before August? Then he can message ex and say guess what I called them and they have an appt in 3 weeks on your weekend
He could also call the crematorium near where Auntie lives and confirm the date of the funeral as he is due to attend but is worried he has the date or time wrong.

Pure madness from the Ex wife.

He could also call the crematorium near where Auntie lives and confirm the date of the funeral as he is due to attend but is worried he has the date or time wrong

This.

I have changed Orthodontist appointment before. And I’ve had emergency ones too. So her ‘no appointment until august’ is bollocks.

If she had booked an appointment for the dcs in a weekend when he has them, she should have said so to him immediately anyway (so he didn’t double book himself for example taking the dcs to do xxx)

I would be tempted to ask her what are the exact plans for that weekend with dates and times.
And then
Rearrange appointment if necessary (is it possible that the dcs talked about that weekend and how special it is?)
Put her in the spot re the aunt who is dead but is actually still alive
Stop any other possible ‘oh but there is also xxx’

Your dp is doing great, dedramatising her attempts.
DP is capable of taking his kids to the dentist, he is also capable of taking them to most events and appointments. She is deliberately sabotaging his special weekend so don't let her. The ones to suffer here are the kids. Does she really believe her histrionics every time he is due to have them is doing them good? As soon as they are able to take control of their own visits, she may find all this drama blows up in her face. Silly woman.

My ex of 4 years suddenly started being all difficult with the (grown) kids, making stupid comments about money etc. Turned out after a few weeks of this that his gf had broken up with him. I'd bet this lady has some other issues going on.

She is clearly doing this to disrupt his contact and doesn't like that he won't engage with her histrionics.

He can call the orthodontist and rearrange the appointment to a date that means he can take his DC giving her no reason to complain.

The aunt situation - he needs to get clarity about whether she is dead or not and if she keeps insisting she is he can ask where it is being held so he can arrange for flowers to be sent.

As pp said, call the orthodontist. As her dad he can do that and ask when the appt it and then change it. Don't tell her then when the weekend comes around reassure her everything is fine, been taken care of!