Aibu to think of you can’t micro manage of you want free child care

[Metoodear]

Just speaking to somone today who feels put out that they unable to micro manage their in laws offer of free childcare.

I just think of your getting free child care you pretty much have to suck up what time naps happen what their eating unless they have allergies and pretty much even how much telly they watch and throw in in that in laws have raised your husband or wife without to much drama so your then trying to teach grandma how to suck eggs literally

Aibu if you want to micro manage pay for a nanny or au pair

What an odd attitude you have. What if GPs request a list? Is that allowed?

I assume the approved food list isn't a list of food that won't cause an allergic reaction which is needed for some carers (like my ex )

If she wants her child to eat specific meals/food then she needs to provide them really.

On a separate note I know more than one grandmother who looks after their grandchild because the other grandmother is doing it and they want the same amount of contact.

YANBU, OP.

As someone with 4DC and no family locally, I get really annoyed listening to people moaning about how their parents/PILs look after their children.

They have no idea how lucky they are.

Tambien If you think you parents who do something to put your child health at risk then why would you leave baby

Your basically saying that despite living in 2018 and seeing how you raise your children you need to give a list because nan would go rouge and revert to lard and rusks once back is turned

I have a fair idea how my sister like things done what I am saying no things wouldn’t be done the same and I don’t need a list

Most children need a bit of a run round
Some craft a bit of telly 3meals a few snacks and water and possibly a nap in between it all

It’s really not rocket science

I'm awesome. That doesn't mean my childhood was, or that my parents are perfect. I just don't want my kids to have the issues I do.

Sitting a child in front of the TV all day, eating biscuits and drinking coke, is abuse. It's neglect. One person's "micromanaging" is another's "remember to not let the toddler cross the road on her own, please."

And, yes, I'd always rather pay for "childcare" but also think the children have a right to a relationship with their GPs, it's a difficult balance.

But if I were your dil or dd, op, with that superiority complex, I'd think about reducing that contact right down.

What is it about grandparents wanting to ram chocolate down babies throats? Does my box in.

As far as micromanaging its not about not trusting gp, its about ensuring routine and structure. My lg really struggles outwith set nap and meal times so would be doing gp a favour as much as its in the best interests of my daughter.

I've often heard of grandparents sneaking junk food to children and 'to not tell mum'. Not on. Undermines mum. Encourages favouritism as well as saying its ok to keep secrets from parents.

I just can’t fathoem those who husbands who have turned out well rounded with all fingers and toes need to give the people who did that a list of how to do it again

And if somone who’s raised a child dose not realise if they sleep to close to bed time they just won’t
Ect

Mytrainwaslate

I'm awesome. That doesn't mean my childhood was, or that my parents are perfect. I just don't want my kids to have the issues I do.
then you need to pay for professional childcare

If they can’t be trusted and you have major issues that stem for child hood it’s likey paid childcare would be better

As a PP said, advice on what to feed children and what is good for them and what isn't has changed since most GPs raised a child so saying 'they raised you/DP without any trouble' isn't a valid argument.

I give my parents / in-laws a list of nap and bottle times if they babysit for the day, as my baby follows a daily routine that works well.

The bottle times are because both mums breastfed and don't know what to do about bottles.

The nap times are because if he doesn't sleep / nap properly he's an arse.

Not entitlement, just in everyone's best interest!

*both our mums

Really by the minute, yes Battleax
She’s generally quite anxious and wanted to be helpful and keep to our routine as much for her sake as ours, and DC of course.
So I was more than happy to write it out and she stuck to it religiously.
She asked me for a list of food that DC would eat and got that in too. She’s brill

See here’s what happened when I first left DD with my parents

“When do we need to feed her”
“How many naps does she need”

See?

And now she’s older

“We’re going to stay up and watch a movie” or
“Is it ok if she has an ice cream”.

Mainly because they’re (a) respectful that all kids are different and (b) not insufferable know it alls.

And no, we have never paid GPs for childcare and both sets of GPs have done 1 day a week each for each DC - so 10 years of free childcare! I hope they don’t present me with a bill now!

Why are you so cross about this?!

Although you know how to look after dc through experience, all dc are different so I don't see the problem with some pointers for that particular child.

A ridiculous list would be rude but surely that's the exception not the norm.

Actually no, I think it's reasonable of the parents to tell anyone who is doing childcare, free or not, what their child's usual routine/diet is. Just because a GP is looking after their DGC for free, doesn't mean they get to call all the shots and do whatever they want. Where would you then draw the line? Ultimately, it is up to the parent how they want their child looked after and money shouldn't come into it.

I like the idea of nan going rouge. Maybe apoplexy, or just old-fashioned cosmetics?

YANBU. There's nothing wrong with letting the GP know when nap times usually are etc and making reasonable requests eg. not too many sweets but I can never believe the people who get seriously annoyed because lunch was half an hour later than usual or nap time was a little later when they're getting free childcare!

Routine is important for children.

If my DS is more than half an hour late for his nap, he will not nap at all and will be a disaster for the rest of the day. He will then have a broken night of sleep and will be grumpy the following day. So yup, when my parents babysit they get told his nap time.

He's also not a great eater so I have given them ideas of what to give him for lunch or dinner, and I would probably ask them not to give him sweets if he was coming back to me that day, but for sleepovers they can give him what they want.

They respect my patenting choices and the fact that I know my son best. They are in no way offended.

Shall we dig out the thread where the grandmother ignored the OP's list of foods not to give, and the child ended up in hospital with a life threatening reaction? Because the grandmother knew best.

And advice in child rearing changes. I have already learned from this thread that raisins are no longer considered healthy. Whereas when mine were little, a tiny box of raisins was considered a healthy snack. By the time I am a grandparent, things will have changed again.

As a baby, my mum used to put a total of rum in our milk to 'warm us up' after a day out in the cold. No one would advise that now. She was brought up that no baby should ever be fed on demand, only at 4 hour intervals, then wonders why breastfeeding failed for her.

Doesn't mean I wouldn't trust her to look after my children, just that I would need to provide up-to-date advice. Which might be in the form of a list.

I said And, yes, I'd always rather pay for "childcare".

In our family, looking after each other and looking after each other's kids isn't a chore, it's a pleasure.

What a shame you view spending time with your grandchildren as providing something that should be paid for.

For "childcare", yes, I pay. But if grandparents beg to get time, and build a relationship, then that's a good thing for the children. If I have to provide some guidance for that to happen ("don't let them watch unsuitable films, please") then that's in the kids' best interests. The alternative is they don't get to have them, which is a shame for the kids, and a shame for GPs. Just because you think you're a good parent, doesn't mean your adult children agree, and they are the best judges, after all.

I agree in principal that micromanaging is ridiculous and a giving lists is cheeky fuckery....

I could've have given a fig what PIL fed DS or how much ch telly he watched.

I did however asked that they kept as close as they could to his routine in terms of timing of bottles (not once he was on solids) and timing and length of his nap.

I don't think that's micromanaging, it's just making everyone's lives easier - why as a GP would you deliberately NOT stick your GC routine knowing it'll make him grumpy and upset?

Jeez fat fingers and typos much ?! Sorry!

Any good, non arrogant, grandparent would respect the child's parent, and want what is best for them- consistency and routine.

Does nobody know a grandparent who behaves differently from how they were with their own children.
It's ok to indulge them on a visit and relax the routine but for regular care you may need to agree groundrules Also if you pay gp you can have more say.

No child under 16 should be asked to keep secrets from their parent