Aibu to think of you can’t micro manage of you want free child care

[Metoodear]

Just speaking to somone today who feels put out that they unable to micro manage their in laws offer of free childcare.

I just think of your getting free child care you pretty much have to suck up what time naps happen what their eating unless they have allergies and pretty much even how much telly they watch and throw in in that in laws have raised your husband or wife without to much drama so your then trying to teach grandma how to suck eggs literally

Aibu if you want to micro manage pay for a nanny or au pair

I think you can ask but not demand.

I just don’t know who are these people who give their in laws list of nap times and approved food lists

If you don’t trust the people who raised your own dp then surely you should decline

It depends on micro manage, DM will be having baby one day a week when I go back to work after mat leave and MIL 1/2 days. I'd let them know about any medical issues or allergies and what time DC usually naps etc, but essentially she's doing us a favour, so you've got to be flexible and understand they might have things they need to do that shift naptime etc. I wouldn't like it though if for example they were giving coke to a toddler or not feeding meals at all just giving sweets etc. But as long as what they're doing isn't harming the child I agree with you

I think as a parent you should be able to choose your child’s diet and naps even if gp are looking after your dc.

It’s not always free childcare, sometimes it’s go that get to spend a whole day with Gc, which many would kill for.

Yep, I agree.

I am in agreement with you, OP.

SOME (not all) of those who get free childcare from family - and probably have had since day dot - often can have a fairly entitled attitude about it.

FASH84 Agreed the person in question was annoyed that in laws had given the children child and let them watch telly all day
Tbh not ideal but it’s not abuse or neglect

If the worst somone dose is give my kids chips and let them watch frozen on a
Loop then I am doing well could be a lot lot worse

My mum looks after DD once a week and the only thing I ask is that she tries not to let her nap after 3pm (she rarely naps anyway but is sometimes tired) as that usually means I'll be up with her most of the night and when I have work the next day it's not ideal. However sometimes she falls asleep and there is nothing anyone can do about that.

You can't micromanage childcare, even if you are paying for it unless it's a nanny/au pair situation. It's just not feasible.

I think it depends how much free childcare you’re getting; for a morning or afternoon I would expect the ‘provider’ to follow nap times. For every day they would probably be a better judge of when naps were needed.

Couldn't agree more! Even if you pay a nanny there's no saying they won't do the same as soon as you're out anyway

Even Nurseys or childminders whom are paid would not allow such micro management

They children hav to fit in with their routine

No wonder why we’re having so many issues with parents going against schools entitled starts when they have babies

The other thing is, if the grandparents feel a bit under the weather on a particular day they are unlikely to say they can't look at the little one but may not feel like dashing about and watching the tv would be an acceptable alternative.

And let's face it we've all had days like this

It's not micromanaging not to want grandparents to let DCs watch TV all day. They know it's not okay.

We beg my mother who provides childcare to not let my older one nap as then we can't get him to sleep before midnight, he's still up at 5am and unbearable to be around the next day.

We also leave lunch and snacks for her and the kids, leave a memory stick of TV we dont mind them watching and if anything interesting is going on locally I leave a map and money.

From what I can understand she much prefers this than having to sort it all herself!

I know to be honest if my Dil produced a list of dos and don’ts o would be withdrawing the offer I have raised 3 kids fostered and adopted and have a level 4 in childcare I don’t need to be told how to suck eggs and think it was CF especially from a very new parent

Yabu.

My mum used to look after mine for me - it was freely offered and very gratefully accepted.

I asked numerous times nicely not to give my one year old coke and biscuits as a snack. Not to let them nap at 5pm. Or to be allowed to draw all over themselves with biro...many things.

They were ignored. I eventually had enough and put them with a cm. WW3 ensued. The relationship never fully recovered.

Regardless of payment or not, any decent person will adhere to parents (reasonable) wishes when looking after their dc.

To not do so makes you a controlling cunt imo.

^ nice. I don't think your DIL will be asking you.

It's not micromanaging not to want grandparents to let DCs watch TV all day. They know it's not okay.
when your imposing your children on others it’s for them to get through the day how they choose how do you know your kids aren’t a nightmare

We have one lady who picks up her grandson every day from my daughters class and he is a horror to be honest
The nan looks tired and 80 if she’s a day

I didn't micromanage my nanny

SensingWeakness
I assume they managed to raise your husband fine with out a list from you

That is all

I totally get the naps after a certain time. If my son napped after 3 he would not go to bed until 10pm and it would be hellish the next day or we would be tired at work. I'm sure she eye rolled at me for that 'particular' rule but it wasn't pleasant for us. This didn't mean I wasn't grateful for a days free childcare - just the same 'normal' structure.

And if you need to give somone a list it means in my view you don’t completely trust them

Ah my post makes no sense ! I'm v tired.

Candlelight123
But not having everything your own way is the price you pay for FREE childcare

Everything has some cost

Both sets of dd's grandparents asked for instructions to be left if they were having her for anything more than an hour as a baby/toddler, I'm sure they would have managed just fine without, but being caring people they were keen to make sure they were keeping things roughly the same as she was used to.
Expecting a young child to have continuity in naptimes, mealtimes and general diet isn't micromanaging surely?

I suspect either party viewing it as being a free childcare provision rather than spending quality time with family would have an impact on how things come across though.