He wants me to leave DS belongings

[BabyPufflingMumma]

Things between me and DP have broken down, we are discussing separating and DS is 5 months old. I'm devastated but it's obvious DP doesn't want to make it work. He is saying that when I leave (I have to move as his name on the mortgage) I have to leave behind all of the toys etc that he and his family have paid for for DS, and that he will buy my half of the cot etc and that I will have to buy new. He says 'this is just how it's done and the most amicable way and is what solicitors would say is how it's done'
AIBU to think that when DS and I leave DS should have all the rockers, bouncers and furniture he needs with me? I said it's depriving DS of lots of his things that I cannot afford to buy again! Advice please! 😢

Surely these are your DS' possessions, not his. Therefore they need to be wherever your DS needs them.

Bollocks to that! Move out when he is at work and take everything.

He's talking bollox.
How often will have your DS?
Is it a 50:50 split?
If not then you take what you need.
Does he work?
If so, get all the stuff out of the house when he isn't there.
You'll never win this one.
He's sound like an absolute knob-head with no consideration for his DS at all.
Have you put money towards his house at all?

"He says 'this is just how it's done and the most amicable way and is what solicitors would say is how it's done'"

Nope, its just what HE wants.

See a solicitor. He needs a wake up call.

Don't agree or do anything until you've seen a solicitor. He's talking pure crap.

He is talking shit! Leave with DS and take all his stuff with him. The stuff belongs to your son and not your partner and should be where your son is. You might, if you are nice, not take items of sentimental value to DPs family (family crib or such like).

What a petty little man.

I second leaving when he isn't there. Sorry you're going through this.

A clear sign he will do what he can to cheat you and his son out of assets is him suggestig he knows something you don't. Get advice urgently.

Get thee to a solicitor. And make him pay.

He’s trying to hurt you. No judge is going to advise he buys you out of a crib. They were gifts for the baby and while they may not like you splitting up the gift givers can’t expect you to leave them. Gifts from now on it depends who they give to.
Don’t entertain this for a second.

Unfortunately this also means that when dp has access you should send your ds with the bare minimum - cheapest clothes etc. or you won't get them back.

Can't for the life of me see that his way is the amicable way

In your situation, I would make a list of everything with new prices. Even things DC have outgrown, formula, nappies etc.
Take the money, seek advice before you move out about benefits entitlement. Save every penny. Buy secondhand replacements which should leave money for emergencies.
He's being an arse and you'd be morally right to take the stuff. But money will be more useful right now

Have you got somewhere to go just now.

Do not tell him when you are leaving and just pack everything you and your ds need even if you have to leave it elsewhere for the moment.

If he continues to try and manipulate you it might be worth seeing a solicitor or maybe fire off an email to women's aid as they can tell you what your rights are if he tries to prevent you taking your son's things.

This isn't how things are done, this is how he wants things to be.

But that's assuming you aren't married/ contributing financially to the housr

He says 'this is just how it's done and the most amicable way and is what solicitors would say is how it's done'

He's talking out of his arse. Those things are for your DS. At 5 months presumably DS will be staying with you most of the time with short visits from your ex. It is not in any way in DS's best interests that all of his things are left at his dads after you and he are made to move out so he can jog on.

Thank you all! At the moment it can't be 50:50 as DS is ebf and DP doesn't do much caregiving at all. So I will not be leaving DS with him.

I will have to get legal advice about it as he is obviously trying anything he can to control me(no change there then!) none of the items are sentimental, just stuff everyone has bought for DS! 😢

What an arsehole! He and his family bought those for your DS. Think of them as gifts if you will (for the purpose of my argument) is he giving you any gift you ever gave him back - birthdays and Christmases etc? You’re well rid of him, but keep your sons stuff, it belongs to him and not the man child.

Agree on the face of it, seemingly begrudgingly so. Then move out when he's at work and take everything that belongs to you and ds.
The police won't rock up at wherever you're staying and take the bairns cot. I doubt he'd even call them, more likely try to reduce it from whatever child maintenance he doesn't intend to pay anyway.

If you say DP I assume you’re not married...if so there isn’t much point seeing a solicitor unless it’s about contact.

Pp’s are right- it’s DS’s stuff, to be with him not your ‘d’p. Take it all with you. And you’ve already got to find somewhere to live, you’ve got enough expense without having to fork out for toys etc.

You've been given great advice on the gifts and equipment for your son. Have you seen a solicitor, though, about everything else? I think you need to do so urgently if you haven't already. Your ex partner is trying to manipulate and trick you, so you need someone on your side.

I would've thought you don't have to move out at all if you have been contributing to the house and its your dc's home, he can't force you to move out no matter who's name is on the mortgage, your first stop should be a really good solicitor before you do anything get advise don't believe a word your partner tells you!

You don’t need legal advice. But I would tell him you are getting legal advice and pretend you are taking him seriously to give you time to arrange to get out with everything without him twigging.

Do you have anywhere you can go? Get some people with a van to come and move you some day soon?

Have you seen a solicitor? Please do that before you consider accepting this 'deal'. What did you contribute towards running expenses in the house, did you pay anything towards the mortgage or contribute to the deposit? Do you have the details of your husbands savings accounts/ pensions?

I wouldn't discuss anything with him. He sounds like an abusive arsehole. Can you leave when he's not around and take all of your son's belongings?