Page 4 | He wants me to leave DS belongings

BabyPufflingMumma · 2018-06-06T10:44:09+00:00

Things between me and DP have broken down, we are discussing separating and DS is 5 months old. I'm devastated but it's obvious DP doesn't want to make it work. He is saying that when I leave (I have to move as his name on the mortgage) I have to leave behind all of the toys etc that he and his family have paid for for DS, and that he will buy my half of the cot etc and that I will have to buy new. He says 'this is just how it's done and the most amicable way and is what solicitors would say is how it's done' AIBU to think that when DS and I leave DS should have all the rockers, bouncers and furniture he needs with me? I said it's depriving DS of lots of his things that I cannot afford to buy again! Advice please! 😢

HouseworkIsASin10 · 06/06/2018 13:33

Any male friends or family members?
Get them round while you pack your stuff up.

Bet the little prick won't say boo to them.

Luisa27 · 06/06/2018 13:36

OP - as others have advised, see a solicitor specialising in Family Law before you do ANYTHING. Don’t move out, leave baby equipment, anything before you have a consultation with a lawyer.
You can book an initial consultation which lasts about 30 mins and isn’t too expensive. This will clarify things for you, your DP sounds like a huge cock

Flaminglingos · 06/06/2018 13:39

Tell him you’re going to get legal advice about the stake you’ve built up in his house. Even if you’re not going to go for it.

Don't tell him a single thing, you might put yourself in danger if you do.

LagunaBubbles · 06/06/2018 13:40

This will seem a bit of a nightmare in the short term but in the long term things will be much better for you and your DS, you just need to survive this first. What kind of horrible vindictive person does this?

AdaColeman · 06/06/2018 13:41

Don't be telling him anything about your plans, especially do not tell him that you might claim a percentage of his property.

Get advice from a solicitor about what you are entitled to. Play your cards close to your chest where he is concerned, as he will fight you every step of the way.

Remember that he is not your friend, don't agree to any financial plan he proposes until you have had legal advice, however amicable he says it is!

FizzyGreenWater · 06/06/2018 13:43

Fuck that.

Yes, move out when he is out of the house, have some good (and hopefully brick-shithouse like) friends to help and take you and your Ds's possessions.

Contact by email or text only after that and any nonsense and just reply great, thanks for that, it's good to have proof of your unreasonable and cruel behaviour for when contact arrangements need to be decided by court.

When you're safely out, you can send him a warning shot saying fine, I've got proof of all the payments I've made into the property, fuck with me and I will make a claim on it.

It's very likely that a man like this - who wants to hurt you more than he wants to make sure his baby son is ok and catered and cared for - won't be around for long, if that's any help.

If your DS has his surname, make an application to court to change it to a double-barrel.

Aridane · 06/06/2018 13:43

Another one seconding seeing a solicitor

Original poster

BabyPufflingMumma · 06/06/2018 13:44

Ok thank you all so much. A few people have mentioned woman's aid, will their advice be legally bound if I was to say that they advised me?

OP posts:

hellsbellsmelons · 06/06/2018 13:46

OP you can ask them that when you speak to them.
Try to google your local WA number as the national number is always very busy but you can keep trying 0808 2000 247

Murane · 06/06/2018 13:50

I can't believe he would deprive his own child of possessions just to get at you. What a wanker!

Definitely see a solicitor, a court ordered that my cousin had to move out of his house because it's his DC's home, and he has to continue paying the mortgage and his ex-gf is permitted to live there with DC until age 18.

Timeisslipingaway · 06/06/2018 13:50

You should look into this further. Depending on where you live the rules are different. He may not be able to force you to move out at all. There is quite a lot of info online. Just Google. As for your DS toys, cot etc your exP has no claim over them they were gifts/bought together, they belong to your son so they go with him. Tell him to miss off. If you are going to move out and you have somewhere to go. Do it while he is at work. Take every single thing that belongs to your child and you. He is technically making your son homeless if you can't afford to get your own house at the moment so screw him and what he wants. Is he a lawyer? I'm guessing her not.

RiddleyW · 06/06/2018 14:00

I know it's a real mumsnet hobbyhorse to say that unmarried women have no stake in property but it's more complicated than that. It's really irresponsible to declare that there is no point in OP seeing a lawyer. Please stop giving vulnerable women advice on topics you know nothing about.

CristalTipps · 06/06/2018 14:01

"...is what solicitors would say is how it's done'*

See an actual solicitor. But the fact that he wants to keep most of the baby's stuff when he will only see him on weekends is all kinds of fucked up selfish. You need to get angry at this man. And you need to find out what you can claim from him. Two years of financial contributions to his mortgage may mean he owes you. Prioritize what your child needs, don't prioritize mollifying this man. They never respect it anyway.

arethereanyleftatall · 06/06/2018 14:14

Problem is it isn't that easy to see a solicitor, as many are suggesting. They cost about £300 per hour, which the op doesn't have. Or is there a way to see them cheaper?

Timeisslipingaway · 06/06/2018 14:17

arethereanyleftatall

Agreed, a single mother facing being thrown out of her home with nothing for her son and no house of her own, probably won't be able to afford a solicitor.

ChickenOrEgg6 · 06/06/2018 14:55

I don't think you'd be allowed to stay in the house as if you were married, sorry. But do keep proof of your contributions. I'd focus on getting out ASAP then once you've got things relatively in place (a place to go etc) look into seeing a solicitor and asking about what kind of claim you could have over the money you contributed to his mortgage

AcrossthePond55 · 06/06/2018 14:56

Please don't make any 'threats' about seeking legal advice or a share of the house. Don't put him on red alert any more than he already is.

Go stealth. Do seek legal advice, but do it quietly. As others have mentioned, legal representation can be expensive, but there are some solicitors who offer free 1/2 hr consults. And I've heard that the CAB can be helpful. If you can't get free advice, then you'll have to balance the cost of a solicitor against what your shitty P is willing to pay you and the cost of replacing DS's things.

I'm assuming 'DP' means that you aren't married so if you do see a solicitor what needs to be discussed is child maintenance and the 'removal' of DS's 'belongings'. Go ahead and ask about any financial interest in the house, but I doubt there will be. Listen to what the solicitor says and then make whatever plans need to be made.

I expect there won't be any way to get an order to remove what you want to take if DP refuses to 'let you', unless you can prove that you've paid for them. This is the crux of what you need to settle with the solicitor. If not-so-DP paid for the nursery furnishings, clothes, etc and can prove it then you may be SOL. Just as if you paid for them (and can prove it), the furnishings are yours to take. Legally, they are not DS's. They belong to the parent who paid for them and can prove it.

Your choice then (or if you cannot get legal advice) would be to either take what money is offered or to take them when he's not home. And you'd have to balance the latter against the likelihood that he'll try to get them back by accusing you of theft.

My BFF did a 'mid-day flit' when she left her abusive exDH. She took exactly half of the household furnishings plus all of her DS's furniture/belongings. He threatened shit but never did anything. I think a lot of bullies are like that. But they were married so it was all up to a judge to rule as to who got what as it was all community property. I think it's not so clear cut for unmarried partners as legally everything not shown as joint property is 'yours or mine' as opposed to 'ours'.

Flyingshame · 06/06/2018 15:08

@BabyPufflingMumma

Ring these childlawadvice.org.uk/clas/contact-child-law-advice/

They were fantastic with me, are actual lawyers and are free. Deal with anything family or domestic abuse wise and it will be legally factual.

Flyingshame · 06/06/2018 15:09

P. S he is talking bullshit. He's being an arse.

ByeMF · 06/06/2018 15:23

What a low life scumbag. The only good thing is you're getting away now before he ruins your child.
Do you have family you can stay with if you leave now? As in today? I don't think you should stay there any longer than you have to. And everything that belongs to your son goes with you.
Good luck.

partypooper40 · 06/06/2018 15:26

Sorry I can't offer any advice but I am so sorry BPM, your "D"P is a complete shitbag.

melonscoffer · 06/06/2018 15:37

Yes I'm harsh. I despair that there's any need to ask on mums net.
Half a cot each? Really?

It's obvious he's talking rubbish.
Most of the posters answering this question know he's talking shit, some of them find this as ridiculous as I do.
That's why I said grow up.

Honeyroar · 06/06/2018 15:52

Where does he think his son will sleep? In a drawer! And do these members of his family that gave the gifts know at they're being kept at the father's house while the mother and baby are slung out? I can understand splitting the cost of general furniture and wedding gifts - it's exactly what I did when I split up with my ex, but splitting baby stuff is taking bit too far! I can even understand that he thinks he might need some baby things when his son comes to visit him, but he needs to make sure his baby has everything he needs where he's going too.

Consult legal advice, as people have said. Next time he mentions it tell him he's perhaps right, but you'll have to consult a solicitor to work out maintenance and how much money you're going to need from him towards all the things you'll need to buy. Tel him " that's how it's done", as he says...

Honeyroar · 06/06/2018 15:52

Where does he think his son will sleep? In a drawer! And do these members of his family that gave the gifts know at they're being kept at the father's house while the mother and baby are slung out? I can understand splitting the cost of general furniture and wedding gifts - it's exactly what I did when I split up with my ex, but splitting baby stuff is taking bit too far! I can even understand that he thinks he might need some baby things when his son comes to visit him, but he needs to make sure his baby has everything he needs where he's going too.

Consult legal advice, as people have said. Next time he mentions it tell him he's perhaps right, but you'll have to consult a solicitor to work out maintenance and how much money you're going to need from him towards all the things you'll need to buy. Tel him " that's how it's done", as he says...

CristalTipps · 06/06/2018 16:25

Problem is it isn't that easy to see a solicitor, as many are suggesting. They cost about £300 per hour, which the op doesn't have. Or is there a way to see them cheaper?

She said her family help. I'd certainly help my DD in that situation.

But if she can't afford a solicitor then she just has to get a plan together. Find somewhere to live, keep it from him for the time being, arrange for family/friends to come round with a van when he's at work and move the stuff out - including all of the baby's stuff.