He wants me to leave DS belongings

[BabyPufflingMumma]

Things between me and DP have broken down, we are discussing separating and DS is 5 months old. I'm devastated but it's obvious DP doesn't want to make it work. He is saying that when I leave (I have to move as his name on the mortgage) I have to leave behind all of the toys etc that he and his family have paid for for DS, and that he will buy my half of the cot etc and that I will have to buy new. He says 'this is just how it's done and the most amicable way and is what solicitors would say is how it's done'
AIBU to think that when DS and I leave DS should have all the rockers, bouncers and furniture he needs with me? I said it's depriving DS of lots of his things that I cannot afford to buy again! Advice please! 😢

The good news is that you're getting rid of this awful man. That's something to be pleased about, not devastated.

I just cannot believe the cheek of the man. Those things belong to your son. Your partner will move on quicker than you could imagine and will have no time for his child anyway.
If you cannot get legal advice I would do as the others posts have suggested. I cannot imagine any court in the land ordering a child out of his bouncy chair. You are well rid of the cf.
I wish you luck and a bright future.

yeah just take them. They belong to the baby, not him

So you are unmarried and at home with a young baby, your relationship has broken down and the babies father is trying to throw you out on the without DS belongings.

I bet he didn't want to get married because it's 'just a bit of paper' right?

What a selfish dickhead.

Please see a solicitor.

What kind of a man would see his child go without things so he can keep baby stuff that’s hardly going to be used?

Do not accept this deal! Get legal advice ASAP. Make sure you go through CMS for maintenance as he’s already showing what kind of a man he is, and what sort of a father he’s going to be.

His is a knob like everyone else has said. He is also being vindictive. And he actually has no leg to stand on. no-one ever splits the cost of a crib. See a solicitor asap. The house is most likely half yours not all his, esp. being the family home where your son lives. Do not accept any deal his has put forward until you get legal help. I'd also move when he is not there, but this might make the first visitation pretty awkward. Also if he isn't interested in staying together or fixing it, there might be someone else. Which is cause (if married) to seek legal advice.

FYI - NO Solicitor would say that. He's lying to you.

Oh you poor thing. What kind of man uses a baby to score points? Deprives his son of essential things for the sake of being an arsehole. Buggeration is it how things are done.

My wish for you is that find the strength to stay calm, point out his lying, and get far far far away from this appalling excuse for an adult. If he wants to play dirty to the point of detriment to his infant son, let him play in the dirt. You just won't be joining him in it.

Get a new place sorted for you both to go, wait till he has gone to work but don't let on you've sorted out a new place etc then when he has gone get family runs and clear everything out of your sons and leave the keys. Don't let him bully you!

You don't have to leave.

I wouldn’t be so hasty to write off his “empire”. If you can recoup some money you can use it to buy furniture, a deposit on a rental property etc.

Horrible man! He needs to support his child and you may have to go to Court to do that.
Take everything with you, the only way he could get back this part of 'his' possessions would be to go to the Police. Imagine what a knob they will think him when he lists the toys! 'One fluffy bunny, one crib..' Honestly, what a total git! How horrid... have you rung Womens' Aid for advice? It's controlling nasty behaviour

Do you believe everything he says without actually checking the truth?
It seems so, well you need to wise up, he's playing on your naivety .
Grow up fast, your child needs your protection.

The toys were gifts for your son so belong to him, not to the people who gifted them. Remind your P that gifts are given with ribbons, not strings.

Leave him a pile of used nappies and some dribbled on bibs.

Please do speak to a solicitor. You are well rid of this nasty piece of work. Hope life improves loads for you soon.

Get some friends to help and hire a van when he’s not there take all your stuff and the baby’s

Do you believe everything he says without actually checking the truth?
It seems so

Eh? She doesn’t believe everything he says... that’s why she’s on Mumsnet asking the question.

No, it's not how it's done, he is a liar.

They are your son's things, they go to your son's home. If his home is with you, they go with him to your home.

Tell him you’re going to get legal advice about the stake you’ve built up in his house. Even if you’re not going to go for it.

I suppose he is saying that your son needs two of everything now, being shuttled between two households because of his decision. If you are the one at a disadvantage because he has the house, surely he can buy the items himself? What a lowlife :-(

He sounds abusive, and could get even nastier if he thinks you're about to take things.

I would suggest that you 1. STOP paying any money to him - you & your DS need it. 2. Sort out somewhere to move to asap. 3. Arrange to move without telling him, when he's out, and take everything you think you & DS will want/need. 3. THEN see about getting some of your money back, chase him down for every penny of maintenance he owes his son, and never, ever, give him your address or phone no. - email only.

Just try to be a blank wall towards him for now - no emotion, no discussion. If he pushes then tell him you're sorting things out and getting advice. Don't give him any details or information.

Gee thanks melonscoffer your kind advice to 'grow up' as if that's the issue. I couldn't possibly just be an exhausted new mum reaching out for advice.... of course I must be immature, I never believe everything he is saying and will go to the end of the earth to protect DS, why do you think I'm getting
Out of this situation?

Thank you everyone for
Your posts. I appreciate the NM support, hopefully I will be out very soon.

Tell him you’re going to get legal advice about the stake you’ve built up in his house. Even if you’re not going to go for it.

^This

He stupidly allowed you to contribute monthly to his living costs.

If something is given as a gift, then I think it natural that it follows the person to whom it is given - and clearly here it is for the benefit of your child, and if the child resides with you and you are primary caregiver, then you should be entitled to it. Your former partner seems to be arguing that he has retained some sort of interest in it - and frankly that's a bit bizarre - gifts don't revert to the donor or their immediate family just because circumstances change.

Your ex-partner seems to be quite manipulative and bullying.

You say that it follows that you have to move out because you are not on the mortgage deeds, I would take legal advice on this from someone experienced in family law - and/or Citizen's Advice - you may not be entitled to anything property-wise and indeed there may be financial or other reasons why you can't stay in that property, but please make sure you understand your rights first, not what your ex-partner says. If you have been contributing to the mortgage, even though your names are not on the deeds, you may have certain rights - there are also cases where the courts can intervene in the case of a family home - it is worth checking your situation out - and also - going forward - for child maintenance.

Do not accept what your ex-partner says, he has a vested interested and TBH from the snapshot you have described - deeply manipulative.

'He says 'this is just how it's done and the most amicable way and is what solicitors would say is how it's done'

Speak to a solicitor and see what they say.

I am sorry about your relationship. But please make sure you and your son get what you are entitled to. Your exdp is not being very amicable.