He wants me to leave DS belongings

[BabyPufflingMumma]

Things between me and DP have broken down, we are discussing separating and DS is 5 months old. I'm devastated but it's obvious DP doesn't want to make it work. He is saying that when I leave (I have to move as his name on the mortgage) I have to leave behind all of the toys etc that he and his family have paid for for DS, and that he will buy my half of the cot etc and that I will have to buy new. He says 'this is just how it's done and the most amicable way and is what solicitors would say is how it's done'
AIBU to think that when DS and I leave DS should have all the rockers, bouncers and furniture he needs with me? I said it's depriving DS of lots of his things that I cannot afford to buy again! Advice please! 😢

well isn't he a Peach OP... seek legal advise quickly

How low can he go. He's trying to make life as difficult as he can for you, even if it means his son going without.

Belly crawling snake.

If you were married he'd have to support you and house you...Why do people still put their children in these situations? It's neglect

What a joke!

Items for a child, especially one that is breast feeding, should go where the child lives most of his time.

If you aren't married unless you have proof that you spent money towards the mortgage or improving the house's value then seeing a solicitor is a waste of time and money. Unmarried partners have no rights in law over another's property.

In regards to arranging contact for your son - if you cannot sort it out amicably between you, then you will need to get a solicitor involved. However the solicitor will tell you both to go to mediation first if possible.

Your partner is going to be in for a big shock as while your son is breast feeding he's only going to have a couple of hours contact with him every weekend or every other weekend.

hes just being a dick. Your ds is a tiny baby and noone is going to even suggest or think about 50/50 except him.

Have you agreed to leave? Why isnt he leaving and letting you stay with the baby. You dont have to leave.

Don't forget, even if you haven't contributed actual money to the mortgage; the fact that you have stayed at home or taken a break from your career, not taken promotion, bought things for the house, contributed to the general upkeep of the house, done housework etc - anything that has contributed to the partnership and enabled him to continue with his career whilst you looked after his child - you will have "contributed materially" to the partnership, so have some rights even if you are not married.

I have always paid a monthly contribution to the house. Recently it's not exactly half because of my Mat leave pay being so
Terrible. But it's as much as I can, also with some family help! But im reminded every day that it's his house and I don't contribute.... I'm happy to leave when I can find somewhere as I don't want to be near him! But I want DS to have everything he needs! Thank you all for your advice, I feel like he traps me in a corner!

Of course you contribute, you care for the son he is 50% responsible for.

What a bastard. Just take all your son's belongings when he's out.

If its his house stop contributing. If he asks you need the funds to find somewhere else. But definitely take the kids stuff he is ridiculous! Make sure you have all his paperwork birth certificate etc. I would get that out now if you can. Also get as much info about his income for child maintenance as you can too.
Give women's aid a call they will help you with what you are entitled to take ams the safest way to do so.
Good luck!

Don't engage in conversation just get a solicitor

He's using your child as a pawn - when people sink low, go high and rise above it

I have always paid a monthly contribution to the house

^^ You may have built up a financial interest in the house. Get legal advice ASAP.

Take all the stuff while he's at work - he can take you to court if he wants to demand you pay him for it! No court is going to say you have to pay out to take your son's own things when he lives with you and doesn't even stay overnight at his Dad's. My DS was ebf and was 2 and in a bed by the time he stayed with his Dad overnight (we separated when DS was 9 months).

Couldn't agree more with everyone saying to take the stuff ! It's not his it's your son's, what a selfish, controlling prick!

Thank god you'll be away from him soon, also make sure you take any documents, birth certificates etc or keep them in a safe hiding space for now

Take care OP x

What kind of wankstain tries to steal his baby son's things 'to prove a point'?

You've had lots of good advice.

I hope you and your son have a happy life far away from this sad excuse of a man

Get some legal advice about the the house. I owned a house but my exDP contributed to it. I spoke to a lawyer at the time and I did owe him money for his contributions despite owning the house, the mortgage being in my name etc.

What a load of tosh, firstly the solicitors would never say such a thing and they would actually tell him to buy in everything he needs for your DC to stay over.

Tell him to wipe his mouth because he is talking utter crap.

Stop contributing right this minute, take every single scrap that relates to your son, and make sure you have all the documents you need. Is your ex on the birth certificate?

How long have you been contributing?

Wow - just from this post you can tell that this guy is abusive. He's a nasty bully who is just trying to hurt you. He doesn't need all those things - your baby is exclusively breastfeeding so won't be staying with him for any length of time. He's not wanting to keep these things because he thinks he will be using them for baby - he's doing it because he doesn't want you to have them. Any person who would put their want to hurt someone over their love towards their child is someone I would be very wary of. I can't believe he's trying to convince you that this is anyway normal or that a judge would agree with him. My son was 11 months old when I left my partner and moved away. I took everything and he didn't say a single thing about it because normal people realise that the child's things belong with the child.

See a solicitor asap and register your interest in the property. Make copies of all documentation relating to the house, mortgage, salary, statements and take that to your solicitor.

If you transfer money to his account for bills then you have contributed so make sure your solicitor sees your statement as well as his. If your ex asks you for money then always transfer it online so there's a record, never by cash.

Don't discuss anything with him before you see a solicitor but if you do then by text/email never directly. Start creating electronic traces so you have a record of everything.

So sorry to hear about this bastard partner, OP.
This is yet another example of the danger of having children without marriage.

He sounds like a controlling bully!
More than that, he is an ill informed or lying, controlling bully!

The needs of the baby come first, and will do so in any Court hearing. You are the main carer of your tiny baby, so you keep all things that contribute to your baby's well being.

Start to keep a detailed diary/record of all the things that Ex says to you about your rights, and about baby, especially any threats he or his family make. You might need this in any Court case.

You may have a financial interest in the house.

Yes exactly, you need to see a solicitor ASAP. Don’t leave the house until you know your rights. Photograph your ds’s toys, clothes equipment such as bed, changing table if you thing your stbx will hide them away.

As for leaving your ds’s belongings, bed etc when you leave, how ridiculous. What the fuck is he going to do with them? Your ds isn’t going for overnights any time soon. Babies can be breastfed a long time you know! Dd was weaned at 2 1/2.

He’s a right wanker. I don’t expect he’ll be offering you a penny in maintenance so I’d also start that process too.

Yes he is on the birth certificate. I have been contributing for about 2 years.
I honestly don't even care about the house, good riddance to him and his 'empire' I just want to know that I can take all of DS things with me.

OP, get this moved over to relationships.

Do not let this man bully you.