Smacking children, when we were young

[Flatpackjackie]

Wasn't it normal to smack children until recent years?

As a child I was smacked every day. On the bottom, legs and head (on occasion the face).

I think it's absolutely right that it's no longer acceptable, but weren't we all smacked back then, by both parents?

To hit a child. Just think about that. Hitting a child

I dont' think you can compare pre contraception pill times with post pill times. Attitudes to children must have changed hugely once women could choose whether to have them or not.That was in the 70s for me though I'm sure more enlightened people got hold of the pill earlier (at first it was for married ladies only if I remember correctly and probably depended a bit on the attitude of your GP).

I was smacked hard loads in the legs and bottom, quite regularly. I think if I’d been “tapped” it wouldn’t have done me any harm but what child is going to even notice a “tap”? I’m late 30s and was on its way out but quite normal.

The harm it did me was to limit my self confidence as a child and now as an adult. I’m uncomfortable with conflict and at times struggle to control my children (I don’t smack). Perhaps if I’d been brought up with better ways of discipline then I would be in a better place now.

I’m 31 and it was completely normal to get a smacked bottom but only on the rare occasion you did something pretty bad. It wasn’t every day and it certainly wasn’t on the face, though!

I’m 45 and was never smacked at home, my DP’s knew that it was more effective to remove things that I enjoyed.

I remember being about 5 or 6 and getting smacked by my class teacher for something that I (genuinely) hadn’t done. It wasn’t just a quick tap on the back of the legs, it was repeated walloping (for want of a better word) so hard that my feet lifted off the floor!

When I told my DP’s what had happened my DM went into school the following morning and wiped the floor with the teacher and told her in no uncertain terms that if she laid so much as one finger on me again then she’d give her a taste of her own medicine!

My god where do you all live? I see kids getting smacked, slapped and worse in public regularly. Maybe it's a cultural or socio economic thing. Go to any Liverpool supermarket in a busy day and watch, I'm also half African and believe me African kids fear the belt.

I'm late 20's and my mum would smack me whenever she felt I'd been naughty enough to receive it as punishment, I know my cousins all got smacked by my aunties too, it was just the norm to us back then, along with many other kids on the estate.

I honestly couldn't even think of smacking my DS now, but honestly I don't look back and think I was abused by DM. I think it's just changes to society, and our mindsets tend to change.

@UrgentScurryfunge that was the problem with my mum and my head mistress - they didn't have clear boundaries. Anything would make them angry so they would start lashing out and shouting without explanation why. There as with my dad you knew when something was out of order and why.

I think part of it was the women would pick on every single thing, there as my dad would choose the big things to pick up on plus he realised children couldn't know everything so you would have to show them possibly more than once.

At school I had a couple of teachers, and as an adult I had a manager, who were 4ft 11. All of them could put the fear of God into people but they didn't need to physically hit people and very rarely resorted to shouting. This is because you knew what the boundaries where.

In fact I still remember the female manager doing a site inspection with six men around 6ft accompanying her and looking nervous. I pointed this out to an older colleague who told me she was a single parent who had 4 late teenage and adult sons over 6ft who had done well for themselves, and he had met a couple of them.

‘I would never abuse my children’

Good for you! Nor would I and I don’t count my few smacks on my bum as a child abuse. And I’m not minimising (fave MN word). I don’t ever smack mine but in many ways it was very different in the 70s/80s and many posts on here prove that. We were a happy family and I wasn’t hit in temper or beaten. I think it was how my mum was disciplined and that what she knew. Controlled snacks (hardly any and I can’t actually remember any vividly) and never to hurt me. I’ve more memories of when I was shouted at if I’m honest.

I got the odd smack on the bum, and I always well deserved it when I did. There was no gratuitous smacking in our house, just the odd tap to bring me up sharp. It was pretty rare. But I was also very well loved and supported and my parents were extremely patient to a point. I don’t think all families are equal in this respect. I never felt anyway damaged or abused, just a little ashamed for being so bold. But there was always a very clear reason for a tap on the bum and it never hurt.

I appreciate you’re only speaking about your own experiences, but no child ‘deserves’ to be smacked, hit, ‘tapped’ or beaten.

DS who is in a K/1 class of 16 kids, teacher went round and asked them all if they were smacked at home only 3 including DS were not smacked. I was surprised at both the numbers and that the teacher asked. We are Australian, I have seen people smack their kids in public a few times.

Mid thirties here!
DM smacked us, got the shoe too if we were really bad and wallop round the face a few times.

I have smacked my older son a few times in retaliation, lost it and was out of ideas I think. He had terrible anger issues and used to attack me and scream the House down for hours (not SEN) - still not an excuse, it's one of my biggest regrets and feel awful about it still.

It doesn't work and is not the way, if anything it made our situation worse.
A fresh start and family therapy helped with our issues, now we live a very calm and happy life.

In primary school the head teacher used to smack us on the hands with a ruler and that was the 90's!
Head teacher is an MP now...

I was smacked! I'm 32.
Wouldn't dream of smacking my children. Ok, it didn't do me much harm, but it didn't do me much good either. I didn't respect my parents to behave as such, I was scared of being smacked.

After a really awful day with my 10 year old last year, I threatened her. I said 'I will start smacking if your attitude doesn't change' she looked at me, smiled (not in an attitude way) and said 'no you wouldn't'
I laughed and said 'no, you are right I wont'
We both laughed as my threat was ridiculous. She started to behave after that as she realised I'm not actually the worst mum in the world and I am actually quite fair.

I grew up in 70s and 80s and I would get smacked by my mum and literally kicked round the house by my dad (normally for answering back), there was the cane at school and although it was never used on me I saw it used daily. Blackboard dusters and chalk were thrown at anyone the teacher thought wasn't listening and I also had a chemistry teacher who if anyone misbehaved would put a chemical on your hand that burned and if you tried to wash it off it made the burning worse. He used to laugh while the kids were screaming in pain. Thank god things have changed, I have never smacked my DD and would go crazy if my daughter got deliberately burned but it was normal then.

I’m late twenties. A teacher in my primary school pushed a boy and was immediately dismissed but a French teacher in secondary school used to throw chairs across the room in anger and she was never fired so . I went to a dodgy comp in a working class area for reference.

I think the worst aspect of this for me (apart from the big loss of confidence from being smacked very hard a lot "given a walloping") was when I had my own child discovering my reaction in anger or frustration is to lash out myself. I hit my child a Few times when they were young and the guilt and shame were and are awful. My dad asked me once if I'd thought about smacking my child when she was crying (being naughty in his eyes at about 18 months) Made my blood run cold but didn't challenge him just meekly said no. Kind of hated myself for a long time for not telling him exactly what I thought of his Victorian parenting methods. Used to give me the belt and slipper ( can't remember a single crime though!) Also used to lock me in room for over 24 hours missing dinners and only allowed out for loo. Done a lot of work on myself to learn better more patient ways and to overcome my anger. Also my younger siblings weren't hit, maybe as times had changed. But made me feel like I was just awful and not loved the same as them.

My DC are 25,26 and were never smacked
I’m 50+ and was never smacked - apparently my Dad physically chastised my elder brother when he was a toddler and DM threatened to leave if he ever touched us again
I find it hard to believe as he is such a quiet gentle man and has been all my life
I do remember being horrified at age 5 when a friend of same age showed me the leather strap - with fringes that her DF used on her if she was naughty
I was also at school when the slipper/plimsoll was used in primary school and the cane in senior school!

I'm mid-40s and got the odd smack on the bum from DM. DF never smacked, interestingly enough.

I don't think it did me any harm, as Mum was otherwise a lovely, warm, caring mother, and she only did it when we'd been massively annoying.

We got threatened with the wooden spoon from time to time, but it never actually materialised. All our friends got the odd smack, too.

But much as I don't think it did me any harm, I'd never lay a hand on my own kids. Ever. I remember DH saying pre-kids that he wouldn't be averse to giving them a whop if they deserved it (which I said wasn't acceptable to me) - but he has never hit them, and says actually having them, showed him how much he simply could never actually do it.

Times have changed and it's not acceptable as a discipline method any more.

It's weird that I don't have any bad feelings at all towards DM over it, but would never do it myself.

I think it's the context - it was normal then, and carried out sparingly within an otherwise loving, nurturing, parent-child relationship in which I felt unquestioningly secure. Whereas it's just not acceptable any more.

I’m almost 40. Was never smacked. Most of the kids I knew at school were never smacked. 25 years ago we were all shocked to see a child smacked, or when a friend told us about being smacked. It must have been normalised somehow though, because I smacked my toddler sibling when I was left in charge once. Couldn’t explain why (got a MASSIVE bollocking).

I've been reading this thread with interest. It seems that there are two camps of us (that we're smacked) those that it has affected into adult life and those it hasn't .

I'm In my 30's and was smacked - a lot, well it felt a lot. I don't actually remember any of what I did but I do remember being absolutely terrified of my mother when she got angry with me, I remember being dragged up the stairs and trying to run away. I remember being put in the bath during an "angry" period and knowing that it I got a smack it would hurt more as there were no clothes to shield my bare skin.

I remember hating my mother and just wanting her to love me. There must have been nice moments in between but I don't remember them. I've grown up with very low self esteem and zero confidence. My relationship with my mother seems ok to outsiders but I will never feel close to her and in my mind it always feels like there is an elephant in the room.

I feel terribly guilty if I even raise my voice at my own kids as I don't want them to feel like I did.

Interestingly my dh was smacked but he feels it did him no harm and it hasn't effected his self esteem or realationship with his parents.

Yes of a similar age to OP and can remember the naughty boys getting the slipper at school. Thing is it didn't make any difference to most of them just like slapping every day doesn't work, it lost its effectiveness. I remember one boy from primary school who was beaten every day by the (male) teacher. The boy had his problems, he was in a children's home. Then the week or two that we had the headmaster teach us, the boy started playing up, the head master told him off in a very articulate way and he didn't put a foot wrong after that. It was a valuable lesson that's still with me over 40 years later.

My parents slapped me from time to time.

I hardly ever slapped my children myself, it would be for a major very dangerous transgression such as running across a road when they had expressly been told not to. I'd rather face the consequences of slapping them in public than deal with the alternative. Overall I'm not a fan of it.

It was normal when I was little, by everyone's parents and when I was in infant school, by teachers as well. I'm 42.

I can't remember being smacked. Perhaps my dad was of the opinion that girls shouldn't be smacked. Instead i had to see, hear and try to help my brother whilst my dad punched him and took a belt to him.

I absolutely detest smacking, there is NO need whatsoever to lay a hand on a child, whether it's a 'tap' or otherwise. Smacking is either premeditated violence or a loss of control. Both equally appalling.

The father of my children was convicted last year for 'smacking' or rather hitting my boys full force on the bum repeatedly when they wouldn't do what he wanted them to do.

Two days ago, my daughter witnessed her best friend's brother being beat up by the boyfriend of the mother. I called the police and reported it.

I am so glad that this day and age, smacking is mostly frowned upon and I would be delighted if it was made illegal.

Mid 30s here. I remember being smacked a child or having my dad's slipper being used to smack my bum, it certainly wasn't a daily occurrence and I can't say that I feel it has had a negative impact on me. However, I would absolutely never smack my children. Although there have been times where I could understand how some people do end up resorting to it so I would never judge those that have on occasion lost their temper.