Smacking children, when we were young

[Flatpackjackie]

Wasn't it normal to smack children until recent years?

As a child I was smacked every day. On the bottom, legs and head (on occasion the face).

I think it's absolutely right that it's no longer acceptable, but weren't we all smacked back then, by both parents?

Exactly dilly - I think it affects some children massively and for others it doesn't. And while all of the descriptions of abusive, inconsistent, taking-anger-out kind of smacking seem to have induced the traumatic effect, it's the "other" kind, the one which lots of people (apparently) think is harmless, where it's used as a discipline tool, this is the one which has mixed results - some people feel that it was fair (whether they would repeat it today, or not) and some people feel that even that was frightening, unpredictable and traumatic.

You cannot predict which reaction a child will have. Therefore it's a really terrible, dangerous idea because you could be subjecting them to something which is frightening and traumatic. Nobody can learn when they are in a fear state, instead they will learn to hide and lie better.

Collywombles how horrific the poor children and your poor brother. I believe this sort of childhood violence is responsible for illnesses in later life.

When people say "tap" I don't get it. A "tap" is barely more than a "pat" which would leave no impression or pain. If the intention is to cause shock how does a "tap" do that, unless it also causes pain in which case it's a smack.

I'm saddened to read so many posts on here where parents are what would now be classed as physically abusive. It makes me wonder if parents who physically abuse children today do it under the guise of "discipline and punishment".

I was born mid 70's and grew up in the 80's on an estate with lots of children running around, never witnessed a parent smacking a child. No doubt it went on but behind closed doors, there for implying secrecy. Once the teachers of our class asked us all how we were punished by our parents, it was generally sent to bed, minority of boys said smacked and some said hit with a belt but most of the children weren't smacked. This would have been early 80's pre smacking ban but I think it was already frowned upon by a lot of the teachers and parents.

I was born in 89 and being smacked and hit was a very regular occurrence for me. Hit with kitchen utensils and belts, being dragged by my hair, whipped with towels. It has had a drastic effect on how I am as a person. This never happened to my brother.

I grew up in the 70s/80s and was rarely smacked.
Maybe half a dozen times ever & never by my father, only my mother.
It was always a deliberate punishment, being put over her knee & spanked with an open hand half a dozen times.
I always remember how deeply unfair one of those times was because I hadn't actually done what I was being smacked for.

At primary school in the 70s, you'd be sent to the headmaster to have your palm slapped with a ruler if you were very naughty, but I don't remember being sent.

I don't think it had a traumatic effect on me, but I have never smacked one of my own children although I've certainly been tempted on the odd occasion.

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For the posters who were abused, do your parents rewrite history?

I had only a couple of smacks which upset my parents more than me but i remember meeting mum's ex friend again a few years ago.

She was complete bitch and wondered why her kids never bothered with her. I completely blanked her. She would belt and slipper my friends when the mood took her.

For the posters who were abused, do your parents rewrite history?

Absolutely. My mum proudly states how my dad would 'discipline' us and then it was all forgotten. Forgotten by them maybe, but I've spend most of my adult life in therapy trying to forget being beaten with a belt.

I was born in 67 and remember my DM smacking me once on the back of the legs when I had been out playing for hours and no one could find me, I expect she was beside herself with worry. My older brothers were smacked by our DF. At school we were given 'the belt', you held your hands out in front of you (probably for talking in class) and the teacher belted you. My DS is 24 and as a rule we never smacked but he once kicked me in the face when I was changing his nappy and instinctively I smacked his bare bottom. I cried for hours but he never kicked again!

I'm saddened to read so many posts on here where parents are what would now be classed as physically abusive. It makes me wonder if parents who physically abuse children today do it under the guise of "discipline and punishment".

I believe there was a parliamentary inquiring into the law on smacking that looked into that. I think the findings were that very few abusive parents see themselves as such. They think what they're doing is 'reasonable chastisement'. The report recommended a ban on the basis that it was neither here nor there for non abusive families but could save the lives of children who are being abused and make prosecution easier of the abusers. Sadly the government at the time didn't have the balls to follow through.

Nope it was not normal in our household when our two daughters were growing up around 30 years ago. My DH smacked our eldest once and I lost my rag with him and told him never to do it again. I recently found out he was regularly beaten by his mum with the back of a hairbrush when he was a child 50 or so years ago. I am 58 and was never smacked by my mum or dad.

I remember my bil whalloping my nephew on the bum and legs (20+ years ago) and the boy being scared and humiliated. My dad who had smacked us in the previous generation, as it were, and who had been smacked by his own dad saw this and "had a quiet word " - her had been shocked. I actually mean a quiet word and not a euphemism for a kicking. My bil never struck my nephew again.

I was smacked a couple of times. (I’m 38 now)I did deserve it though, I was a nightmare child!

I'm in my 60s and was never smacked by my parents. I know this was quite unusual, though. In fact, I don't remember ever being "punished" at home: if we misbehaved, we were told off, that was it.

My best friend was never smacked and rarely shouted at (possibly never as I practically lived with her family and I never witnessed so much as a cross word).

My family were dysfunctional, my Mum a narcissist, my Dad an alcoholic and they were both hitters and 'lost it' fairly regularly (amongst other shit behaviour).

So on that basis I would say that it was then as it is now - abusive, wrong and utterly unforgivable to hit.

I am in my early 50s & was smacked quite often - I remember my DF doing it more than DM & it seemed to be from anger & frustration. I was a bit scared of my Dad tbh. I remember him hitting me round the head when I was in my teens because I lied about whether or not I’d washed my hair. And in an old diary the other day, I read that he’d grabbed me by the scruff of the neck. I have smacked DD in the past but felt terrible about it as it was a complete loss of control. I never smack now. Certainly never got physically punished at school.

My mum used to smack. If they wanted to put you off doing something they'd put you in a position where you did whatever it was and then hit you to stop you doing it again. My dad hit me with a riding crop once when l came home late. I can't talk to anyone in real life about that. I can't say it out loud.
I don't hit my children.

I was once smacked at primary school for getting ink on my hands. It would have been in the late 1960s and it was a wooden ruler on the back of the leg.

My parents never smacked us. My mother used to shake us very occasionally (I remember about 4 occasions). I think she thought it was a milder form of punishment, but I gather it is much worse than smacking.

I'm 40, my parents never smacked.

My dad remembers being caned by his dad at school (my grandad was the headmaster of the village school) but not hit at home.

Born in 71 and was smacked and hit a lot. As mentioned earlier i started hitting back at 14 which turned into physical fights. My mum then swapped to things like bitching about me on the phone so i could hear which i found upsetting. I cried a lot as a teenager about how nasty she was to me. As an adult i don't like her and am not impressed with my dad for not protecting me. My mum has rewritten history and would like a close relationship but it'll never happen.
At primary school the head of the infants and juniors only could give people a hiding. Infants with the hand (in assembly sometimes) and juniors with the slipper (in private, but i do remember him coming to the classroom to give a boy a hiding because he'd kicked someone in the head in the playground.)

My dad smacked occasionally which i wouldn't have held against him given it was 70s, it was the not protecting me from my mum's vindictiveness that is the issue

I'm in my 60s. I was rarely smacked but it did happen. My mum used to shout at me when I got older and I used to say stop shouting and just smack me, she didn't though.

I think all my peers were smacked by their parents at some point but I don't know of any who were beaten, unlike my parents generation where it was common.

I was a goody two shoes at school but even I got a rap on the knuckles with a ruler for talking when I was at primary school!

MimpiDreams sickening that she is proud of their abuse of you. Im sorry.

This ex friend of mum was like that. Apparently she gave the a 'snack on the bum' (her words now). Absolute rubbish. She beat them hence why mum stopped us seeing them and had a massive falling out. I remember the bruises on my friend and how upset mum was.

Mum wont talk about it now but i have the suspicion that she told someone and it was minimised. She really detests the woman as do i but it was unreal to hear how much she has rewritten history to have barely chastised and is now the victim of ungrateful children.

It was interesting how few people gave her a listening ear, partly due to meet up but largely due to knowing the kind of person she is. Good on her kids for being nc and lc.

I think I was smacked a few times as a kid. Maybe 3. It always worked.... I dont have strong feelings about it really.

Late 40s here. My mother used to hit me loads. In an unpredictable way without warning with whatever she had to hand at the time. My dad never touched me. When I was about eleven, she walloped me across the face with a hairbrush and my nose started to bleed. It was because I was flinching when she was brushing my hair and doing a plait. She'd hurt me with the hair pulling. She was stressed and late. I remember quite clearly reacting and I swung my arm to push her away as the blood came out of my nose. I caught her across the face and she fell back. She wasn't hurt but it was a watershed moment for me as I realised I was stronger than she was. It was awful because after that point, she would still hit me as she couldn't control her anger, but I then learned to retaliate and hit her back. My dad had to physically separate us. The whole thing was so wrong on so many levels. As a result I can not imagine having a relationship with my kids where violence can be an acceptable way of family life or dealing with issues.

What I've noticed about this thread is that it seems to be generally mothers who did the smacking, obviously fathers did but a lot more are saying mothers.