Smacking children, when we were young

[Flatpackjackie]

Wasn't it normal to smack children until recent years?

As a child I was smacked every day. On the bottom, legs and head (on occasion the face).

I think it's absolutely right that it's no longer acceptable, but weren't we all smacked back then, by both parents?

Not me, they both did, but my abusive F smacked us a lot harder. (But then he was abusive in all sorts of other ways too.)

Posted too soon. I think the reason why a lot of your fathers didn't smack you is because they were aware that they didn't know their own strength, and were worried they might hurt you badly if they did smack you.

Our DD1 has violent meltdowns and I restrain her when I feel it's necessary to protect DD2 from harm. My DH doesn't like to do that as he worries about potentially hurting her.

39 here and was slapped regularly and I wasn't a bad child really. My sisters had the same and all my friends did too.

My mum used to slap us on the legs, that was her favourite cos it hurt the most, with her rubber soled slipper, a wooden spoon, hairbrush. She'd drag me by the ponytail if needed and also liked to slap me round the face.

Can't say I've ever forgiven her for it.

No it wasnt the thing 45 years ago. Even then we were moving away from that sort of chastisement

I remember my mum hitting me on the head and my dad asking me why i was crying. I told him and she denied it and said i must have dreamed it. Fucking liar

I was born in 1961 and was never hit by my parents. I was assaulted with a leather tawse by teachers though (primary and secondary). I was one of the well behaved children too. Entire class punishments, being unable to do homework, forgetting dates we were to memorise - all brought the wrath of teachers on us.

I also remember being physically punished by teachers at school. Wooden board rubber chucked across the room like a missile or whacked across the hands with a ruler. Was hit over the head with a dictionary once too! Only really happened at primary school though. Evil bloody lot used to get off on having "control" and inflicting fear.

I'm 58 - I don't remember ever being smacked though from what my Mum said later I think she did smack me occasionally before my sister was born so pre about age 4.Never after that or DSis,and Dad ,while he could be a bit shouty on occasion,never smacked us.
And AFAIK there was no physical punishments at my primary school,and definitely not at secondary school.
DMum was a teacher,and was once told by a parent that she should use physical punishment on his DS if he misbehaved - Mum replied that if she couldn't teach and keep order without hitting a child she would retire.

I'm 36 and can hand on heart say I wasn't ever smacked. I was threatened with a smack from my Mum once, but I don't recall ever being smacked. My Dad could give me 'the look' and I'd sort myself out.

At school I remember my French teacher once threw a board rubber at a boy who was being silly in class. I still remember the 'donk' noise it made as it bounced off the side of his head. She still works there now, so obviously it wasn't considered a big deal.

I've never smacked my own DC, either, because it's just not how I work. I teach Reception and honestly can't imagine ever needing to smack any child to take charge of a situation.

WeaselsRising so you don't use any form of discipline whatsoever and you think your child is misbehaving because you aren't allowed to hit them?! The mind boggles.

I was hit a couple of times and my mum kinda likes to pretend it didn't happen, we do still have a good relationship though.

Never hit my kid, did shove him once when he was about to touch a hot pan and I had my hands full- he was very startled as I'd also shouted a warning so I felt bad.

I also hate people minimising and saying they 'tapped' their kids as I find actual tapping really useful as a reminder to do stuff and to draw attention, particularly if we're on our busy, noisy main road, but now have to explain it doesn't involve hurting my kid!

It's essentially drumming my fingers on DS and I generally stroke him after I've managed to get his attention... I'm absolutely happy for him to do the same to me!

Speaking of doing the same, I'm a 5ft1 woman, my son is likely to be my height at what- 8 or so? When would it be acceptable for him to hit back? I mean, it's only fair right?! And how the hell do you start discipling without violence at that age if that's what you've always done?

I was born in 1980 and as far as I can recall I was only ever smacked once as a child.

It wasn’t the norm among friends and family as far as I was aware.... though I may just not have known.

my parents didn’t hit me
Clever change of the word smack to hit!! A little smack on the bottom or hand wasn’t unheard of in the 70s and 80s so don’t over dramatise it.

I’m 39. I was smacked A LOT growing up.

Sometimes I had no idea why. Like the time my mum called me away from my friend (we were eating pudding after our tea), I went into the living room and she started smacking me over and over with her shoe. I remember having no idea why but trying to stay quiet so my friend wouldn’t hear. God, I could cry for that little girl now.

We were such a presentable middle class family - both parents in good jobs, church goers, big house, nice car. Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors, do they?

Love the language twisting. Of course a smack is a hit! So is the “tap” so beloved of corporal punishment fans.

For the record, I am over 50 and was only hit once, when my mother completely lost her temper- I was being very annoying indeed. She was upset about it, and remembered it all her life. My brothers were never hit, and I don’t think most of my friends were. So it wasn’t universal at all.

The distinction between a smack and a hit used to be very clear as I recall. A hit was done with the fist and a smack was done with an open hand, and only on the hand, bum or legs, definitely never the face. This isn't to say whether it's acceptable or not (it isn't IMO), but the distinction has always mattered legally. Hitting children with fists was always considered abuse when I was growing up. Indeed, any chastisement that left a bruise is clear cut as being illegal.

I was never hit with a fist growing up but I was smacked regularly and very hard. As I said earlier, my DB was caned by our DM once and he was also hit with a strap once by my F. (As far as I know anyway.)

“The distinction between a smack and a hit used to be very clear as I recall.”

Really? As far as I am aware, it’s always been a distinction only In the minds of people who think they should be allowed to hit....sorry, smack.....children.

I was smacked on the bottom or the leg when I was a child. Not every day, but fairly often. I was a challenging child I think. I'm 30 and things have definitely changed. My parents were brilliant, loving and kind and I don't think ill of them for smacking me. I do not smack my children though.

I'm pretty sure even in old dictionaries the definition of smack involves the word hit.

I'm 39. I've only ever been smacked once, by my dad, because I kept on trying to do something dangerous. Stopped me from doing it, but my dad always felt guilty about it.

Bert
As far as I am aware, it’s always been a distinction only In the minds of people who think they should be allowed to hit....sorry, smack.....children.
This is not true. I’ve never laid a finger on my children and don’t personally think children should be smacked.
I said that when I was growing up I wouldn’t say I was hit but that I was smacked. Drawing from that the conclusion that I think children should be able to be hit or smacked is grossly wrong and unfair.

@KappaKappa it doesn't matter what you can consider, it's wrong. My mother, in name only, beat me, now I don't know wether parents who hit their children on here are either taking their anger out on their children or wanting them to fear them as for me, the only thing I felt for my "mother" was fear, now I never see her feel nothing, she doesn't deserve to be hated because I wouldn't waste an emotion on her. Me and my husband never laid a hand on our children, all that was felt in our household was happiness, love and respect. So my "mother" at least taught me how "not" to treat my beautiful children, now grown up with beautiful family of their own, they too wouldn't lay a finger on their children.

Maybe some people insist on the distinction in an attempt to minimize their own experience. The fact remains that it is a false distinction. It’s used by men who hit women too.

I'm 50 and was smacked once as a child. I don't remember knowing anyone who was smacked every day tbh. My eldest is 30 and I've never smacked him.I was an oddity amongst my friends who had children back then as they all smacked occasionally.

I am 55. Nearly 56. From a very ordinary family, not at all hippyish, or liberal or anything. But I honestly don't ever remember being smacked ever. My parents were definitely not soft on us and if we misbehaved there would be a good shouting at from Mum. That is all I can remember though.

Both my parents remembered being hit as children. My Dad was born in 1920 and was one of many sons and I remember him saying he was frequently belted by his father but it didn't really have much effect and he didn't see the point. My mum was also scared of her father. I guess they both must have decided to not do what their parents did.

At school (1970s) the cane was still a punishment that was available but at my school it could only be administered by the head or his deputies and it was actually quite rarely used.

I'm very late to the thread & haven't read it all.

I'm 54. I was never smacked as a child.

My DC are now in their early 20s and I never smacked them either.