My DD is 16 so writing exams.
The background to this is very long, so apologies. Essentially, last year she broke down the night before a holiday in France. She told us that she was extremely paranoid – (e.g. if I nipped out to the corner shop for something, she’d start imagining I was hit by a car) and that she had dreams where a new DD came, exactly like her so we didn’t know the difference, and just take her place in home and school, only she was still alive so nobody could see her, and then she went through life being unnoticed and having no human contact or conversations and watching the replica of herself be happy. She also said she was constantly obsessing over mildly embarrassing moments and if she had said something wrong or upset someone.
She told us that her hands were constantly shaking, sometimes she’d lose control over her legs and that she was completely blanking out of lessons and conversations.
DD is very secretive about her emotions and problems due to a complex episode of bullying from child (and child’s parent) in primary school. We’ve been trying to work on this and she was getting so much better but the fact that she hid this from us (successfully) was a clear reminder that she hadn’t completely gone from it. She was attributing knocking things over, spilling drinks, banging into things – all caused by the loss of control in her limbs – to clumsiness when seen and cleaning up messes, even replacing broken things with her own money, when they weren’t.
DH and I thought this was anxiety, booked an appointment with the GP and took her on the holiday. She was happy all the way through. Then on the second day before we were due home, she had a seizure. This had never happened before. She ended up diagnosed with epilepsy. I am still so guilty we didn’t think further about the symptoms.
The medication made her depressed and listless. She was completely unmotivated and devoid of energy. It lowered her Vitamin D levels so she was constantly ill and in pain. She was still having absences (when her brain shuts completely down to her surroundings) very frequently – what she called “blanking out” before. She was banned from cooking and so tired and depressed that she couldn’t really do any chores. She got better and did a bit the two weeks before school started, but school was so draining for her she usually would come home and sleep straight away. (Y11 – DD refused to miss more schooltime than “necessary.”)
Now she’s much better, energetic and like our old DD again. My DH told her yesterday she should cook for the family tomorrow and on Friday. She was flabbergasted, as she’s doing her GCSE’s right now and they’ll be over by the end of June, and thinks that chores should start up again then. DH thinks she should do as she’s told. He looked for me to back him up; I requested DD go and get started on revision, and told him I thought he was being unreasonable. He’s furious with me.
I think we should wait until after her GCSE’s, and that him wanting her to do chores – so desperately – is a way of him coping with all the sickness she’s been through; that he’s so overjoyed that she’s “back to normal” that he’s trying to make it so in every way possible.
He thinks I’m overanalysing his behaviour in order to excuse the fact that I’m pandering to her due to her having a difficult time of it recently.
AIBU, or is he?