Husband annoyed because I didn't wake him up for work

[labradoodle32]

I set my alarm for mornings slightly earlier than my husband so I can get a head start in the shower ect. Each morning I am running around like a headless chicken trying to get kids fed and dressed for childminders and he's still sleeping until I wake him to tell him get a move on even though he sets his own alarm he just knocks it off including the snooze function. This morning I've left him sleep got the kids ready and just received a text saying how late he is for work ect and why didn't I wake him ect. I feel it's not my job to wake him and he's an adult and should be able to take responsibility for himself. I'm also thinking of starting work at 6am to be home more with the children in the afternoon so how can I expect him to get himself and two kids ready if he can't even get himself up for work?

I can see both sides. If you have always woken him up, it would have been more reasonable to tell him you wouldn't be doing that anymore.

Yanbu, but if you usually wake him up every morning it would have been nice to say “I can’t wake you up tomorrow”.

He's a grown man and can get himself up. You are right it's not your responsibility, he should be up and helping you get the kids sorted not leaving you to do it all.
Sometimes having a man feels like having an extra child!

I think he's ridiculous to rely on you when he's an adult. That said, if he's used to you waking him and you just decided not to today that's a bit tough - it would have been better to tell him in the evening you're not waking him any more so he knew he had to do it himself.

He'll just have to get up to speed if you start working early - maybe he could put his alarm clock on the other side of the room so he has to get up to switch it off?

Well, he won’t do that again!

Why can't he wake up with you and help with the kids? It never fails to amaze me how many useless husbands there are on MN, and how the women in their lives let them get away with it. Stop enabling him - he's your husband not your child, and he's responsible for waking himself up!

. If I saw my husband still asleep when I knew he needed to be up or he would be late I would wake him cause I wouldn’t want him to miss his train / be late and I would expect him to do the same.

Although I can see how it would be annoying if it was everyday.

Ridiculous behaviour on his part. He’s an adult for the love of God

I have decided that I need a wife.

A wife to get me up in the mornings. Make my breakfast. Do all the thinking at home. Do all the house work. And she will hold down a nearly full time job as well! Amazing.

My husband wakes me up, if one day he just decided not to wake me up without telling me I'd feel pretty annoyed!

Surely he should be up helping you out with the kids anyway. Lazy git!

Warn him now that you won't be getting him up, he's an adult and you're not his mum.
He'll soon get the message once he's been late to work a few times.

Its his responsibility to wake up for work
Do you do other things like this for him as well? It sounds like you do more in the mornings generally

He’s an adult, he should be getting himself up. You say he sets his own alarm but ignores it, so obviously he thinks he can just rely on you. It’s obviously been happening for a while so he’s got reliant, but really he should be up with you getting the kids ready as well instead of leaving it all up to you. Tell him it might have been happening before but now things are changing, especially if you’re planning to change your hours for the kids (which sounds like a great idea)

Three things:

• if it's a struggle getting the DC ready, he should get up earlier and help
• if you normally get tell him to get up, you should have warned him you were going to stop doing this
• my DH gets himself up in the morning, however if I realised he hadn't got up and was going to be late, I'd tell him!

Why is he not helping you get the kids ready?

Starting work at 6 sounds like it might be an excellent idea. He's in for a shock though.

Follow it through now - its not my job to wake you up; in fact your family needs you to be getting the dc up - can you start doing that from tomorrow?

My DH wakes me up. I set 3 alarms and snooze them all He comes in just before he leaves & makes me get out of bed.
He then goes to work and I get the DCs up, myself up & transport us all to work/school.
Team work

It seems a bit pretty to just not wake him but I'd be fed up too.
It's a novel idea but why not just talk to him about how the mornings are hard and he needs tip get up and pull his weight.

I expect there is a whole back story to the OP along the lines of DW has had many conversations with DH about getting up for himself when the alarm goes off. Even of getting up and doing some actual parenting so both working adults can get to work. This morning she simply didn't 'mother' him. I bet she does the majority of the childcare and housework alongside all of the mental load.

I'm also thinking it might have been a good idea to warn him first.

But then tbh I've not heard of an adult relying on another to get them up in the morning.

I'm sure a lot of us notice when someone isn't up & tell them, but it's not regular/relied on.

Old old are the kids-could they be doing more?

If you want to go to work earlier he'll have to cope, won't he?

I mean it's the doing of it that has made you able to!

Tell him you'll carry on waking him, but it will be an hour earlier so he can help with getting the kids ready.

We have similar issues in this house. I wake DH because it impacts me if I don't. If I didn't need to get ready I probably wouldn't bother. I agree it isn't your job but to just stop was not the best idea.

If you usually wake him up you could have told him the night before you weren’t going to.

Agree he should be getting himself going in the mornings. Good luck with him doing all the kid stuff in the mornings in future if you admit to running around like a headless chicken.