Husband annoyed because I didn't wake him up for work

[labradoodle32]

I set my alarm for mornings slightly earlier than my husband so I can get a head start in the shower ect. Each morning I am running around like a headless chicken trying to get kids fed and dressed for childminders and he's still sleeping until I wake him to tell him get a move on even though he sets his own alarm he just knocks it off including the snooze function. This morning I've left him sleep got the kids ready and just received a text saying how late he is for work ect and why didn't I wake him ect. I feel it's not my job to wake him and he's an adult and should be able to take responsibility for himself. I'm also thinking of starting work at 6am to be home more with the children in the afternoon so how can I expect him to get himself and two kids ready if he can't even get himself up for work?

Sounds like a general lack of mutuality with him not pulling weight and you making PA points rather than talking. Toxic mix.

I think it depends how intentional not waking him up was and how you usually wake him up. If it was just a hectic morning and usually he is woken by the general manic morning bustle (like dh is) then no yanbu. I might call out goodbye as we all leave but dh has variable work times so I don't know if he needs to be up early or not.

If you usually pop in with a cup of tea make sure he is up and you deliberately didn't to test him then that is a bit unfair without prior warning. Not unreasonable to expect him to wake himself up going forwards.

Well of course you shouldn't have to wake him up but if you usually do, it was unreasonable of you not to without speaking to him about it first.

But, bearing in mind we all need a man-child like we need a hole in the head, has he tried a Lumie lamp? They're perfect for people who struggle to wake up in the morning!

It's not your job to wake him but you've inadvertently taken on that role. I can see why he's annoyed that you changed that routine without warning but tbh it's probably the best way to make your point.
He's been late. Now you can have a conversation about how he is going to ensure he gets up on time without you treating him like another child. You can also chat about how he helps with the DCs in the morning too.

NewYearNewMe18

"Are you and your husband a partnership or not?

If he gets sacked can you run the house on your salary? "

I'd ask the same if her husband. If she gets sacked can he run the house on his salary. He needs to be getting out of bed (and by that logic also making sure she's up) and contributing.

YANBU OP, it's basically like having a teenager in the house rather than another adult. I used to have the very same issue with my ex and I hated feeling like I was his acting mother rather than partner.
You are supposed to be his wife, therefore equal in the relationship but, judging by his morning behaviour at least, it's more like you're having to act as parent to him too.

Are you and your husband a partnership or not?If he gets sacked can you run the house on your salary?

Yeah, and who would do all the housework and get the kids up etc if op has to work?! Oh, wait...

Funny interpretation of 'partnership' that. Where is the partnership in lying in bed while your other half does all the wifework, despite also having a job to go to?

I have decided that I need a wife.

A wife to get me up in the mornings. Make my breakfast. Do all the thinking at home. Do all the house work. And she will hold down a nearly full time job as well! Amazing.

This ^^

FFS. Some women put up with a load of shit. Why on earth isn't your husband getting up with you in the mornings and doing his share of parenting? lazy arse.

YADNBU. He needs to get his lazy backside out of bed and help with the kids.

You can’t just decide to not wake him without telling him and not expect some fallout. Whether it should be his responsibility or not you’ve developed a routine and have broken that.

Now you tell him he needs to get his own ass out of bed from now on and he’ll be aware he needs to make changes to make that happen. I can highly recommend putting his alarm out of reach do he needs to get out of bed to turn it off.

Getting everyone ready in the morning needs to be a team effort. Normally I'll make breakfast while DH showers and he'll get them dressed while I shower. I wouldn't tolerate him doing nothing. We both do it so we can all sleep a little bit later.

My DH makes me lunch every morning. I am an adult capable of making my own lunch, he doesn't have to do it. But if he decided not to do it anymore, I would appreciate a heads up. I think you should have pre-warned him.

How about husband finds that box and thinks outside of it. Maybe starting with taking responsibility for his own actions

He's a grown adult who needs to get himself up, you've got enough on your bloody plate.

Tell him to get a grip and invest in a new alarm clock.

Simples: "Either I wake you an hour earlier so you can pull your weight with the morning routine, or you can get yourself up after your lie-in".

Why didn't you wake him up like you usually do?

What's more annoying is that he expects to lie in bed while you do all the grunt work in the mornings. Let me guess, he's a useless lazy arsehole the rest of the time and you do 90% of housework and childcare.

His alarm is probably the least of your worries

I'd let the kids wake him up....

How is it possible that so many women have married these man babies?

Obviously YANBU that you don't want another child you have to wake up in the morning. That said if you normally wake him up you probably should have warned him that you weren't going to do it anymore.

Put a radio on the landing so he can't snooze it easily and makes him get out of bed

I'm confused, did you deliberately let him sleep in or did you just forget to wake him?

Yes of course he should be able to get himself up but yabu if you deliberately let him sleep in just to prove a point.

"It's not a big deal assuming you're up."

I am up. As is the OP.

But yeah I'm not sure why he isn't getting up at the same time as you to get the kids ready. Does he work late or something? Do you get a lie in at the weekend?

Stop waking him up!

Let him be late to work, that's the quickest way for him to learn.

Why does he get to lie in while you get the kids ready?