Husband annoyed because I didn't wake him up for work

[labradoodle32]

I set my alarm for mornings slightly earlier than my husband so I can get a head start in the shower ect. Each morning I am running around like a headless chicken trying to get kids fed and dressed for childminders and he's still sleeping until I wake him to tell him get a move on even though he sets his own alarm he just knocks it off including the snooze function. This morning I've left him sleep got the kids ready and just received a text saying how late he is for work ect and why didn't I wake him ect. I feel it's not my job to wake him and he's an adult and should be able to take responsibility for himself. I'm also thinking of starting work at 6am to be home more with the children in the afternoon so how can I expect him to get himself and two kids ready if he can't even get himself up for work?

It's unfair to stop waking him without warning. It's very unfair of him not to help with kids.

I hate alarm snoozers. Just fuking get up and don't press snooze. Why is this hard?

He's mugging you off OP. He sounds lazy and entitled and rude.

Don't envy you, being married to HIM!

Ds2 is 8 and sets his own alarm and gets up dressed and ready. Why can't a grown man?

I no what time everyone's got to be up by so if I haven't seen them I'll go check they are awake (coz we all fall back to sleep sometimes) but apart from that no.

It's them who has to explain why they are late and someone else didn't wake me isn't going to cut it.

I do a weird thing with my snooze though and I'll get up make a brew then go back and turn it off. Makes me KNOW I'm up.

If you've always woken him up, then I can understand his point of view if you didn't give him a heads up before.

YABU. That was actually a really nasty thing to do. You deliberately made him late out of spite.

You’re perfectly entitled to be an adult and tell him that you are not going to wake him anymore and he needs to sort it out himself. But just leaving him when you knew it would make him late is just childish point scoring.

YANBU to think that he should be able to wake himself up, but since he seems to expect it, YWBU not to do it this time around without warning! My DH is the same and it does grate on me, I must admit, but it honestly takes two seconds to pop my head in the door and give him a banshee yell quick wake-up and it's up to him from there, so it's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things.

We had a similar issue once when I used to commute further. I'd get up before everyone else and leave at a normal wake-up time - so when my husband heard me leave he'd know it was time to get up. One time then I had an appointment or something and was able to sleep in, got up reasonable time etc etc - well he overslept by 40 minutes. He did croak something out about "why didn't I wake him", reasoning that it was my fault he'd overslept because his usual wake-up call of a door slam close hadn't been forthcoming. He copped on to himself bloody fast though. It's never been an issue since.

"He sounds lazy and entitled and rude. Don't envy you, being married to HIM!"

I was so worried we hadn't had that comment. MN standards are slipping!

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@OP - I think you were pretty immature to leave him sleeping rather than tell him you were going to stop.

So before you were married how did he get up then

I think you were being very passive aggressive. If you don’t want to do it then have a discussion and give him some warning.

He can get up, he chooses not to as it’s easier for him to let you do the work.
Having said that, I think it was a bit off to not wake him up like you usually do.

Don't wake him up anymore he's not a child. Next time he's says anything about you not waking him up do this, "Ahahahahahabahaha", in his face. That's what I don when my partner is being ridiculous.

I loathe passive aggression.

Now that he has slept in he might be more careful to get up when his alarm goes off.

Probably not a nice thing to do without telling him prior he can get himself out of bed as you're not his mother.

You should have warned him.

@Timeissliplingaway

""Ahahahahahabahaha", in his face. That's what I don when my partner is being ridiculous."

You sound awful. Can you give him a message from me? "LTB"

I can't actually get worked up about whether or not you could have woken him. Yes, if he normally pulls his weight it's not difficult to pop in and wake him and would seem churlish to deliberately ignore the fact that he's sleeping in.

But why the buggery bollocks are you the one rushing around getting the kids ready in the morning while he wallows in his pit?! Especially as you both work. Honestly, why women persistently tolerate this shit completely escapes me. Focus on the real issue - why the fuck are you running yourself ragged in the morning, including apparently having to remember to rouse your man-child, while he does fuck all?

"You should have warned him."

I agree, but Op perhaps finally decided to teach him a lesson after years(?) of him snoozing away completely unawares/uncaring whilst she does everything in the mornings.

" it honestly takes two seconds to pop my head in the door and give him a banshee yell quick wake-up and it's up to him from there, so it's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things."
It's not a big deal assuming you're up. And apparently getting up by yourself is very difficult so you do the hard work so he doesn't have to

Just fuking get up and don't press snooze. Why is this hard?

I have bad insomnia and frequently when I wake up I have only had an hours sleep. Frequently pre-children I would snooze or switch off my alarm without properly waking up or making a rational decision to do this. It actually caused me big problems with my education at one point and as I lived alone my Gran had to start ringing me two or three times a morning at get up time and actually speak to me properly each time to get me up. The first and sometimes second time she called I could talk to her but still really be asleep until I came around properly on the third call. I really didn’t want to have to do it and wasn’t making anything like a rational decision to do it but I simply couldn’t wake up on my own.

DH took it over when I met him as he starts work 2 hrs before me. I don’t need it anymore as the children usually wake me pre-alarm anyway but he still usually calls me out of habit and because a morning catch up is useful.

If you struggle with sleep or have sleep apnea it can be very, very difficult which people who don’t have that problem often struggle to understand.

If you always do something and he's used to it, it would have been fair to warn. I don't get it though why the change you implemented was only 'not waking him up'. If you decided enough is enough, I would have started with kicking him out of bed to get everything ready, while you snooze until all the work is done.

Why did you not wake him this morning?

Of course it's not your job, but if you always do it, then he's not unreasonable to expect you would either do it this morning or tell him last night you wouldn't.

Seems a bit passive aggressive to me. Were you proving a point?

Are you and your husband a partnership or not?

If he gets sacked can you run the house on your salary?

Find the box, then think outside of it.

Of course yanbu.

I can't believe anyone thinks otherwise. I also can't believe that on a normal day you run around like a mad thing while he stays in bed.