Husband annoyed because I didn't wake him up for work

[labradoodle32]

I set my alarm for mornings slightly earlier than my husband so I can get a head start in the shower ect. Each morning I am running around like a headless chicken trying to get kids fed and dressed for childminders and he's still sleeping until I wake him to tell him get a move on even though he sets his own alarm he just knocks it off including the snooze function. This morning I've left him sleep got the kids ready and just received a text saying how late he is for work ect and why didn't I wake him ect. I feel it's not my job to wake him and he's an adult and should be able to take responsibility for himself. I'm also thinking of starting work at 6am to be home more with the children in the afternoon so how can I expect him to get himself and two kids ready if he can't even get himself up for work?

I can’t believe all these posts telling you you should have woken him - he has his own alarm FFS! Waking him is a job which is already taken by an electronic device - he should not be expecting the person who is already doing all the early morning donkey work to take responsibility for his wake up call.

Tomorrow, I would wake him up as soon as you are out of the shower, and get him to come and help get everyone ready. Send the children in if he doesn’t get up.

Namedy do it tomorrow then you and OP can share reactions 😂

When he got to work late, did he tell his boss, "Sorry I'm late but my wife didn't wake me up this morning"?

Or did he realise that this would make him sound like an overgrown child?

It's his responsibility to find a way to wake up and get himself out of bed in the morning and then do his share of the work involved in getting his children ready.

Do you wipe his bum bum too?

I th ink he should get himself up from now on.

If I didn't wake my dw up on the occasions she sleeps through her alarm or falls back to sleep she would definitely be late for work. It's not my job to do it but I'd be a bit of an arsehole if I didn't. I think the bigger issue is why are you doing all the running round and getting kids ready while he has a lie in?

Why on earth should OP have warned him?? He has an alarm and he is a grown man.

DH and I take it in turns to do the "early shift" - DS wakes up at 5.. and we take it in turns to wake the other one up. If DH didn't wake me up, I wouldn't blame him as I am responsible for my own behaviour!

My DH is the same - god knows how many alarms which he snoozes, then he doesn't realise when the last one has gone off so he carries on sleeping! He's been late for work, had disciplinaries etc but kept his job. He changed his hours last year to 'help' with DD in the mornings but half the time I'm rushing around like a headless chicken getting her and me ready while he's still in bed. I just leave him to it now, I'll shove him a couple of times telling him it's time to get up and he either does or doesn't. I don't have time to spend half an hour in the bedroom with him shouting and making sure he actually moves! He just says "I've always been crap at getting up" as if this justifies it.....every now and then I have a mad shouting fit at him, tell him to grow up and he improves for a bit then goes back to his old ways. I've lived with him for 10 years and I don't think he will ever change! So no I don't think you were unreasonable in the slightest!

I don't get this is a big deal, decide what you're going to do from now on and move on from it.

FWIW my OH wakes me up every morning with a cup of tea. I appreciate it. I do lots of things for him throughout the day that he appreciates.

Just be nice - you're married! Should be a partnership not a war!

ladyme that is shit advice. OP clearly doesn't have a partnership with her DP so telling her 'just be nice' is so minimising and patronising.

He shouldn't need you to wake him up, he's old enough to do it himself!

BUT

A bit of notice that you weren't going to do it today would probably have been nice...

I guess the OP just got fed up of doing everything every morning and just thought fuck it.

He really should be getting up with you and splitting sorting out the kids. There’s absolutely no excuse for that.

Should be a partnership not a war!

I think you need to direct that to the half of the partnership that isn't pulling their weight ladyme, not the OP

Oh dear. We have the same thing. I’ve always woken my husband up because I like seeing him in the morning. My problem is that my husband is not a morning person and doesn’t like being woken up, so now that we have a toddler and sleep is scarce anyway, I tend to just leave him and trust that he can get himself out of bed. He has been late for work before but luckily he can work whenever he wants so unless he has meetings he can choose his hours, so not real issues with work.

Sometimes I wonder if he should get up with me and toddler at the crack of dawn, especially on my working days, but getting our toddler ready for nursery doesn’t take that long really, and I’m tired of arguing about who does what.

I think you were quite right. Of course, in an ideal world you could have woke him or warned him you wouldn’t be waking him but in an ideal world he’d get himself up and play his his part in getting his children up and out the door.

Why does he think it’s ok from him to be sleeping in bed while you take care of the kids ?

WonderTweek you see that rod you're making? It's for your own back

My ex always did this. I would be so busy in the morning but still spend about half an hour waking him up (he’s very difficult to wake, however he wakes on his own straight away if I’m not there- how does that make sense???) so eventually I started giving him only ten minutes of my time to wake him and the arguments it caused were unreal. Thank the Gods I don’t have to deal with that anymore!

Well he was being unreasonable to get into a routine where you did everything and he did nothing.

You are not unreasonable for wanting that to change.

You were unreasonable not say this is changing from tomorrow, get your own lazy arse out of bed.

My OH used to do this until I told him to grow the eff up and manage his own time.

My boyfriend wakes me up everyday. It's not a problem for us at all.

@wonderweek sounds like your husband has you just where he wants you...too tired to argue about the fact he's lazy and not pulling his weight.

I'm not a morning person and could sleep for England but that doesn't mean I get out of being a parent first thing. Lazy, lazy entitle man children make me so mad. How can someone who loves you treat you like that?

YABU

DW is not very good in the mornings never has been and never will be, and has health issues to boot. I can wake up, so I do. Most weekdays I wake about 6.30, spend about half-an-hour on shaving, showering and dressing and half-an-hour doing the morning work in the kitchen feed the cat, empty the dishwasher that ran over night, lay out the breakfast, and at 7.30 start the battle to get DDs 13 and 11 up, fed and ready for school. DW works part-time in different places, so depending on whether she's working or not I'll take her a cup of tea at an appropriate time and, if she needs to be up, make sure that she's awake. If she's tired (health issues again) and there's no need for her to get up then I'll let her sleep. When the DDs were younger, I did the nappies and dressing and bottles in the mornings.

Yes, I could whinge about it, but it's what comes with being married.

Oh dear. We have the same thing. I’ve always woken my husband up because I like seeing him in the morning.

You what?

My problem is that my husband is not a morning person and doesn’t like being woken up, so now that we have a toddler and sleep is scarce anyway, I tend to just leave him and trust that he can get himself out of bed.

Of course you should be able to trust that your partner can himself up in the mornings. That should be a given.

Sometimes I wonder if he should get up with me and toddler at the crack of dawn, especially on my working days,

Is your baby getting up at the crack of dawn? Your DH should dp his fair share.

but getting our toddler ready for nursery doesn’t take that long really, and I’m tired of arguing about who does what. blush

It doesn't matter how long it takes, it's the mental load as well. You must be exhausted getting up so early every day?!

You need less of the and more of the

I think it comes with being married if you husband, wife, partner is poorly and relies on you in this way but not if your a lazy add and cant be arsed to get up every morning unless you are woke up by your wife/husband/partner

You sound like a brilliant husband and I'm glad your wife has your support 😀

Sorry.... lazy ass

Talbot

Having health issues is totally different to just being lazy.

I'm not good in the morning but shit still needs to be done so both DH and I get up.

No I don't enjoy waking up early, and yes it takes me longer to wake up than it does for him, but I get myself out of bed I'm not a child.
One person doing everything because the other cba is not what marriage is about at all.