Husband annoyed because I didn't wake him up for work

[labradoodle32]

I set my alarm for mornings slightly earlier than my husband so I can get a head start in the shower ect. Each morning I am running around like a headless chicken trying to get kids fed and dressed for childminders and he's still sleeping until I wake him to tell him get a move on even though he sets his own alarm he just knocks it off including the snooze function. This morning I've left him sleep got the kids ready and just received a text saying how late he is for work ect and why didn't I wake him ect. I feel it's not my job to wake him and he's an adult and should be able to take responsibility for himself. I'm also thinking of starting work at 6am to be home more with the children in the afternoon so how can I expect him to get himself and two kids ready if he can't even get himself up for work?

I hope you can get this one sorted. When my children were little I started a research degree. Suggestion - my husband absolutely on board - was that I could go in early and he'd be responsible for the kids in the morning, then I'd do the pickups from nursery and school. Well I hardly ever made it out of the house much before he did because I never got to the point of trusting him not to leave stuff behind etc etc. Eventually I gave up on the research (longer than I should have tried on it actually).

We still have morning problems. Yesterday he needed to go early so needed first bath (no working shower at the moment ...). I was up doing other things, looked in as his alarm went and offered to turn the taps on. He accepted, sounded properly awake, so I did that and got on with the next thing.

20 minutes later I discovered he had gone back to sleep, and the bath was overflowing!

I agree you should not be waking him.

However, if you always have and then just decided not to one morning that's really unfair of you. I know you we're trying by to prove a point but YABU

Why isn't he doing his part in getting his kids up and out? Sounds like you've got bigger problems than being expected to wake him.

He should be up and about helping you get the DC ready, not just pressing the snooze button and going back to sleep. But I do agree with PPs that you should have given him a heads-up that you weren't going to wake him up this morning.

What really annoys me is :
DH: Please will.you wake me at 8.30 in the morning for work?
Me: of course
Me: (at 8.30) - it's 8.30
Me: at 8.45 - repeat of above.
Me: at 9am - repeat of above
It's now 9.30 still not up no more wake up shouts from me. How hard is it to get out of bed - I had no choice at 5.30am this morning with the DC. It really really riles me !!!

When he goes to sleep tonight move his clock forward an hour so when it goes off there's plenty of time for him to do some parenting, NOT HELPING!!

Suggest he gets a butler.

Tell him that you are running around like a BlueArsed Fly in the mornings getting everything done for the kids and you just can't remember everything, so he can't rely on you waking him any more.
Lazy Arse!

Text him back:

"I'm not your mother and I'm too busy getting OUR kids ready in the mornings to parent you too."

Send the kids in towake him up first thing while you wash and get dressed😎

He should wake himself up but if I was awake and knew my husband was running late i’d wake him because i’d want him to do the same for me. It's his resposobility so he shouldn't blame you but waking him would be the nice thing to do.

I don't think yabu, I assume you've had this out with him before and it's went in one ear and out the other. Tell him he's on his own that way in future, you'll no longer be waking him. His body will get used to it. If you sort the kids in the mornings, and he makes dinner every night instead or whatever, fair enough, as long as you're splitting stuff fairly. But he can't expect you to sort the dc, and worry about getting him up too. Most adults would just be grateful to just have to sort themselves out in the morning, he's taking the piss expecting you to get him out of his pit too.

"I have decided that I need a wife."

^Me too!

" I also can't believe that on a normal day you run around like a mad thing while he stays in bed."

That's the issue, isn't it?

He needs to be thanking Op for all the times she has got up, got the kids ready & he has slept through it!

Did you slam the door on your way out Op?

I would have done & told him that that was his fucking wake up call!

Once again I discover that half of MN live in a completely different world to me.

Why are some many women allowing their husbands to shirk their responsibilities and act like children. If a grown man can't get himself up in time for work then you have major issues. I bet he manages to get to meetings on time while at work.....

And if a husband and father is happy to sleep in every day while his wife runs around getting the kids ready then he is a selfish, self centered ( and i'll bet misogynistic ) arse of the highest order. Tell them to get their act together and women get some self respect.

For anyone who struggles to get up I have an alarm app called ‘Alarmy’ which you can set yourself tasks on. When my alarm goes off I have it set to make me do 5 maths questions (easy ones for me) otherwise the alarm comes back on within 10 seconds.
You can choose to do a photo too so unless you get up and go and take say a photo of your kettle then the alarm will start going again.

It doesn’t solve having a feckless husband but it’s good if anyone else is a prolific snoozer.

Once again I discover that half of MN live in a completely different world to me.

Me too. I despair of some of these replies. I am quickly forming the opinion that many women are their own worst enemies. Instead of questioning why the husband isn't doing his share of parenting in the mornings they ask "why didn't you wake him?" Ffs. Things are never going to change.

He should be up early and helping in the mornings.
He is a father and should be acting like one. He sounds lazy, selfish and well, a bit of prick to be honest.

You can't just stop doing something without telling the other person. YABU

I've often woke my husband up if I know he would be late otherwise. However it shouldn't be your job to wake him every day. He's an adult and should be able to get himself up for work.

What @LittleLionMansMummy said.

Stop martyring yourself OP.

I don't understand why he still sets an alarm and lets it snooze if he is expecting you to wake him up?

Is that an alarm so in middle of all of the stuff you're doing you remember he's there for you to walk up?

I have to say if my husband felt the need to sleep in each day, whilst I'm doing it all on my own, he'd be getting a bucket of water over his blissfully asleep head.

*wake up

YANBU but you should have told him first that the rules were changing

Does he class himself as one of the children too. Maybe you could run him a bath and have his breakfast on the table whilst helping him put his pants and socks on 😂

We've got into the same pattern. I've told him (repeatedly) that one of these days I'll let him be late, so he's had fair warning. Now I just need to go through with it!