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AIBU?

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Original poster

Never thought I would end this friendship

167 replies

Queenoftheblitz · 04/06/2018 23:23

Ii have sent this to my oldest friend:

I'm hurt that you didn"t invite me on your birthday. It's not the first time you've done this. I have too much respect 4u to just remove u from my life, without at least telling u why. I wanted to go to your mum's funeral but u said it was a small affair. Then afterwards u told me Sue attended. Please don't bother contacting me unless it's genuine. I'm fine without fairweather friends believe me.

----
Never thought i would send this. My oldest friend. We're both 55. Met at the age of 5, first day of school.
She has been wonderful -really been there for me over the years.
But just last week she told me she spent her birthday having a quiet one with 2 friends - facial and a pizza. I would have been there like a shot but i wasn't asked. I'm just so sick of justifying crap behaviour. I need to accept this friendship has run its course. I just thought we'd be friends for life.

OP posts:
Original poster
Queenoftheblitz · 05/06/2018 01:41

Positive, yes they do. I couldn't care less what sandwich fillings were at my dad's wake but it bothered his friend a lot. So much so that she threw me a dirty look in the church and her husband cornered me at the wake to tell me how upset she was.

OP posts:
Geppili · 05/06/2018 01:42

So she is dependent on weed. It is a cornerstone of surviving her life. It will make her antisocial and erratic and blow hot and cold. I write from personal experience. What I am trying to say, is her behaviour may well be not at all related to how she truly feels about you, but about herself and her life. I bet she feels desperate some of the time and unable to cope with her grief. Weed is not so socially acceptable as say alcohol. It tends to reduce down your social circle and make you dependent on dealers and or fellow smokers.

shinycat · 05/06/2018 01:44

I am gobsmacked to see you are 55! Shock

I thought this thread was posted by a 19 year old.

Very childish behaviour. You seem to be only concerned about yourself and your feelings. Sounds like your friend has been through a lot.

Have a bit more empathy @queenoftheblitz Hmm

PositivelyPERF · 05/06/2018 01:45

Yet, you still sent an inappropriate message to your friend, having experienced that? Did you seriously not think about how she would feel? I’m confused that you couldn’t have some notion of how cruel that message would come across. I do think the relationship has run it’s course, if that’s how you think about her.

Original poster
Queenoftheblitz · 05/06/2018 01:48

Gepelli, Sue is a toker so what you say makes sense. I don't think i've acknowledged the importance of it in her life because she's always been quite discreet with it. She never seems desperate for it.

OP posts:
Geppili · 05/06/2018 01:53

Exactly! I knew Sue would toke! Your friend will be discreet about it and not let u be privy to her dependence on it. I really want you to realise that this is a major part of her life and it limits her a bit socially! I also think friendship is precious and that you could actually end up being closer to her by having a fresh perspective.

Original poster
Queenoftheblitz · 05/06/2018 02:03

Yes she has gone into detail about her dependence and it was awful - terrible nightmares when she tried to stop. At one point she was growing it in her home.
God I'm dumb cos I've been around tokers all my adult life but never really saw her as one.
Thank you so much for turning this around for me.Flowers

OP posts:
Geppili · 05/06/2018 02:05

I also hope I don't sound judgemental about the weed. Is she in her fifties? She's prob scoring off 18 year olds!

I have smoked it since I was 12. I really understand it's culture and I think u have had some harsh responses on this thread. You are hurt and mystified by her inconsistent behaviour. But if you had had this thread before you drafted that angry message and recognised that most of her erratic behaviour is not about u, it's an effect of drug use, and wanting to be with people who use too, you might have sent her a gently toned loving message. I bet you still can.

Geppili · 05/06/2018 02:06

Jesus op she is serious if she was growing it at home!!!!

Geppili · 05/06/2018 02:08

I am so happy because that one word which u mentioned almost in passing told me everything. Weed.

SleepingStandingUp · 05/06/2018 02:08

Her sis died a year ago, she isn't coping and you just broke off the friendship because she didn't make you feel special enough on her birthday.
I wonder if she deterred you from coming to the funeral because she knew you'd make it about you? She didn't stop you going, she told you you didn't have to bother. To her message I'd have reassured her that short or long, I wanted to pay my respects and be there for her

Original poster
Queenoftheblitz · 05/06/2018 02:15

Gepelli, yes she's in her 50s. And she buys it off Sue's son! Everything falling into place now!

OP posts:
Geppili · 05/06/2018 02:16

Op just wanted to have been invited. Not to be made to feel special.

Op wasn't invited almost certainly cos she wouldn't bring any grade A skunk to smoke. Op hasn't realised how this drug drastically affects people's social lives and friendships. She has now.

Give her a break.

Geppili · 05/06/2018 02:18

Your last post was so satisfying to read.

I think your friend really needs you. Sue is probably smoking weed her son had been paid for. Nice.

SleepingStandingUp · 05/06/2018 02:18

Op ended a friendship over not being invited for birthday pizza. Op spunds 13

Geppili · 05/06/2018 02:22

Op has a v old friend who has a serious drug dependence which has distanced her from non users and resulted in erratic and confusing social behaviour.

chinesechicken · 05/06/2018 02:27

Bloody hell @Geppili over invested or what? This reads like net mums!

Geppili · 05/06/2018 02:27

Op was hurt and confused. Shot off an impulsive message. BUT she came on here because she cares and knew that something was wrong. It is. Her friend is a long term middled aged illegal drug addict. She is spending time with Sue and her son, who is her dealer. Get off your high horses everyone!

Original poster
Queenoftheblitz · 05/06/2018 02:28

She may well be relieved to have me out of her life because i don't fit into the smoking gang.
But I've never judged her ever. I'm no angel. I drink and like a toot of coke occasionally so she knows I'm not looking at her with disaproval.

OP posts:
Monty27 · 05/06/2018 02:28

I think she's more shallow than you and can't cope with your depth and empathy.
It sounds like it's time to move on. Like posters have said above oldest friends doesn't mean the closest friends.
As for Sue, she probably didn't ask for an invitation and just turned up, like friends do. Without ceremony.
The email you sent, whilst I understand why you did it was probably a big mistake.
I don't know how you can get back from that so maybe accept the end of the friendship.

Geppili · 05/06/2018 02:29

Never been on it.

Monty27 · 05/06/2018 02:31

Omg I missed all the drugs stuff. I have no words.
Both as bad as each other.Shock

chinesechicken · 05/06/2018 02:35

Where the hell does it say anything about her son being her dealer?? All I see here is wild assumptions being made by Gepilli. A person who has had such a horrible time in life might find that weed helps them cope, in some places its not even illegal, so I don't think she deserves all the judgement she's getting.

Original poster
Queenoftheblitz · 05/06/2018 02:38

Sue's son is a dealer. I said this in a previous post.

OP posts:
chinesechicken · 05/06/2018 02:39

So what's that got to do with your friendship?