Something seriously wrong with development.

[HansSoloTraveller1]

What could this mean? My DN's health visitor has just said this. She basically told dsis she is a shit mother and "how could you not notice something seriously wrong with his development." She has told her she is getting multiple agencies involved now.

The reasons she has given? He knocks his knees against the sofa. According to the health visitor thats a serious case of self harm.

He doesnt talk (his talking is delayed but he is finally started saying the odd word.)

And finally he is too friendly apparently and he should be shy around strangers.

Has anyone got any experience of this? The same health visitor told dsis she wasnt observant of his hearing problems 6 months ago. Dsis took him for a hearing test and his hearing was perfect.
My aibu mainly is aibu to help dsis put in an official complaint?

I would put in a complaint and refuse to see her again. However, I would tell the next HV everything that this one said, so that I could be completely reassured.

How old is the child?

She should put in a complaint. Fundamentally the HV is being unnecessarily rude even if she is right (which really doesn't seem lijely).

Yes she sound, the health visitor sounds awful!!

What age is he? The HV sounds awful and TBH, quite mean. She’s saying some very worrying things without knowing if there are actually any problems.

First thing your sister needs to do is make an appointment with GP for each issue to be checked/referred on. But also she needs to ask for a new heath visitor.

He turned 2 a month ago. He is very bright and happy and can follow instructions when he wants to. Had dsis on the phone crying her eyes out.

We have considered he may be autistic as his speech isnt good and he used to stim a lot but thats not as often now. But at the health center they told her to just keep an eye on him as he gets older because he may need a speech therapist.

How old is he? If he’s 5 and only just starting to say some words that that would be a worry as to why his Mum hadn’t picked up on that. If he’s nearly 2 then it’s not that unusual.

Has he had a 2 year check, or does he go to nursery at all? Does anyone else have concerns about him?

Regardless, the HV sounds extremely rude and I would definitely request a new one ASAP!

pecano he is 2 years and one month. He doesnt go to nursery yet but he goes to playgroups several times a week and gets along with the other kids though prefers to play alone. He loves his cousins.

Half a story here

i would put in a complaint i have a severly autistic child and it was only around two that it became apparent that he wasent developing normally .

x2boys did the symptoms come on quiet suddenly? Because DN has always been like this since he was about 9 months. He is getting better at stimming now only when tired or overly excited and we think its because he cant talk properly thats why he does it.

Piss of Hope

I suppose then her reply should have been, 'Well, it has been very carefully considered actually - but the qualified professionals we've seen have said x, y and z.' It's easy to know what you should have said in hindsight though, isn't it?

The HV sounds as batshit as the acting SENCO who very suddenly decided my DS had so many issues that she didn't even know where to begin with him (suspect it was just a clash of personalities). I was in a total panic that DS had severe issues that I'd been blind to for years. He did not. Even if he did, the way she discussed it, just as with this HV, was deeply inappropriate.

I second the advice to request a different HV next time!

I would also complain about the way the hv spoke, if she did say it so bluntly then that is awful. My son is two and doesn't say many words and my hv has said it's normal and they only start to look at therapy when they're 2.5. My son doesn't go to nursery either so I think that's probably why he's a bit behind in things like that. We talk to him all the time but they learn a lot quicker amongst other kids (from what I know of friends children) does your dn have a dummy? My son did and that's another thing that can put speech behind.

I would go to the gp/or another hv to say what the hvs concerns were and see if they agree/disagree.

Without being there it is hard to judge what the HV said.

In the area I work children with developmental,concerns are referred to an Early Years Panel whereby Education, SALT, Physio, OT, Paeds decide what input is indicated. This could be construed as “multiple agencies involved” but is really just a joined up way of working. Any such referral does need parental consent though.

It sounds as if there are reasons to be concerned about your DNewphew’s development and this might be why your sis is distressed, shooting the messenger, or it could be that the HV’s attitude was off and she has caused unnecessary upset. Just be careful of not throwing the baby out with the bath water so to speak. I’d find out more about the referrals and what is on offer locally.

If it is autism then it can be really difficult to pick up on. I started wondering about my DS when he started to 'talk' and I realised he wasn't actually saying words, he was just making noise. But I told myself he was fine: the right height, weight, and he was happy. He was referred to a speech therapist when he was about 2 and 4 months. The way it's always been explained to me is that doctors, therapists etc won't get involved too early, as the child may naturally 'catch up', plus they are wary of giving a diagnosis of a condition that may prove to be incorrect. It wasn't until about 6 months later, at a speech therapy session with the senior therapist, that autism was mentioned. So to be fair to your sister, even if she had raised concerns, she may not have got very far as yet. The HV sounds awful. The HV I had with DS1 was lovely, the one I had with DS2 was terrible. One of the first things she ever said to me was 'if I think you are abusing your child, I will report you'. WTF???!!!

Sorry- if he’s only saying the odd word at 2 years old that is a cause for concern and the HV is right to pick it up.

She sounds rude though.

Sometimes though people shoot the messenger when it’s unwelcome news.

ponder your ds sounds lile dn amd yes he does have a dummy which could be part of the issues. He likes his dummy but he doesnt have a tantrum if its taken away. He is a beautiful little soul and happy with people.

This is the second time the HV has been awful and yes inappropriate. His first HV left and she replaced her. As dsis pointed out HV said she should have noticed he had hearing problems. When dsis then had him tested his ears were perfect. I have told her to make a complaint.

We have considered he may be autistic as his speech isnt good and he used to stim a lot but thats not as often now. But at the health center they told her to just keep an eye on him as he gets older because he may need a speech therapist.

Well that’s possible but not necessarily “serious”.

If he follows instructions, has good understanding, is physically meeting most milestones. then it’s not a global developmental delay.

The HV sounds like a twerp drama queen.

Agree with @fightthebear

It might be time to pursue a paediatric assessment, though.

Thanks for your thoughts.

Its definetly not a shoot the messenger thing at all. Dsis has suspected possible autism or delay for a long time and has asked about it a few times at appointments. She is brushed off that its too early to tell.

She saw gp a few weeks ago when he had an infection and mentioned it and the gp didnt seem comcerned about him.

battleax thanks is there another way to do that or does she have to ask gp for a referal? ikea thats interesting the HV didnt say anything about parental consent she just said it would be happening.