Something seriously wrong with development.

[HansSoloTraveller1]

What could this mean? My DN's health visitor has just said this. She basically told dsis she is a shit mother and "how could you not notice something seriously wrong with his development." She has told her she is getting multiple agencies involved now.

The reasons she has given? He knocks his knees against the sofa. According to the health visitor thats a serious case of self harm.

He doesnt talk (his talking is delayed but he is finally started saying the odd word.)

And finally he is too friendly apparently and he should be shy around strangers.

Has anyone got any experience of this? The same health visitor told dsis she wasnt observant of his hearing problems 6 months ago. Dsis took him for a hearing test and his hearing was perfect.
My aibu mainly is aibu to help dsis put in an official complaint?

Sorry, wrong thread.

Hi Hans, age 3 1/2 my DS had zero intelligible words just sounds, at 4 he started slowly and 2 months before his 5th birthday was deemed normal speech and caught up with his peers. He is 14 now and currently relishing rehearsing long speeches as Marc Anthony for school play. My DH and I often just look at each other with a stiff drink and say I wish we knew then what we know now! I sometimes wonder if it was tongue tie, his tongue was looked at and GP said it was ok but he could never lick icecream off his top lip as a little one so I think there was some problem developmentally with his tongue which he outgrew but I am just guessing.

The knee knocking sounds very much like a stim. It gives good feedback, muck like foot tapping or, as ds2 does, jumping and slapping thighs. That idiot HV would be horrified by the bruises he sometimes ends up with, mind.

Imitation can be a good sign but can also be a bit of a red herring. DS1 was embarrassingly good at imitation, particularly of people coughing! He was diagnosed at 3.

DS2 was diagnosed at 2, btw. That probably wouldn't happen in the current climate, even though his signs were very obvious and he had global delays.

Ah west thats amazing! I know my dbro was a slow talker but dn is a cracker when it comes to not speaking or making noises that sound like speech. He does a continuous humming sound but i personally dont feel there is anything seriously wrong with him nor does dsis or his dad. We think he will speak at some point. Its just stressful when a HV can be rude and judgemental without even letting the mother speak.

Crap HV's seem too be a common issue thing on MN (apologies to any decent ones reading)

My older DD's I found helpful and I had no bother with but DS's never made it past the threshold to see him mucky cow wouldn't sanitise her hands.

OP my daughter had speech problems, unsure if it has something to do with autism as we are waiting for a CAHM's referral for different issues.

Aged two she probably said about 5 words, took a year too get a speech therapy appointment but it the month before the appointment she just seemed too right herself, her stammer disappeared and she's never shut up since.

She's 5 now, like I said we have other issues but she's managing at school better then we ever dared hope and is in the middle of the class learning wise.

pickachew thanks for your insight how are your ds's doing now after diagnosis? We are totally prepared for the fact that DN could have autism or something similar so it wouldnt be a massive shock.

DS1 was picked up at the 2 year check as having a high enough score on the screening test they do to warrant a referral to the developmental paediatric team. We had been worrying for ages, he continuously hummed or made chuffing sounds like a train while flapping his arms, didn't want physical contact or eye contact, would hide under tables from people, and spend hours lying on the floor pushing a toy train back and forth, back and forth watching the wheels. He was totally obsessed with trains as well. So the referral was kind of an endorsement/confirmation of all our observations. Luckily the HV team were supportive, saying they could offer us a referral but we didn't have to take it, I felt they really were listening to what we were concerned about which it sounds like your sister's HV wasn't listening at all.

The paediatric team were amazing though, they said that "autistic" behaviour like DS1 was showing was developmentally appropriate for his age and the worry was if he didn't grow out of those behaviours over time. We did various interventions, tried hard to give him wider experiences that weren't just trains, talked at him ad nauseam, but the really big difference came when he started reception - that year he just transformed and is now completely grown out of most of those traits.

(The family lore is that my mother didn't speak until she was 6 and then came out with full perfect grammatical sentences!)

Xia thats amazing! And he sounds like dn with the hands and humming. Its frustrating that theres no blood test or anything that could confirm this either way.

I know - when you just want answers and feel like the time is slipping away for early intervention, having people say "wait and see" feels like fobbing off. But honestly having been through it, that really is the best course of action - while doing all the other things you can, reading to him like there's no tomorrow, talking to him, we had a total screen ban, also rotated toys so he couldn't just play with trains all the time, actively tried to spend more time in nature, spent a lot of time doing social things like regular play dates with the same children where DS could practice social skills. But as I said, starting school was the real catalyst for change - I don't know if it was just his age or the other kids or what but we really started noticing the behaviours reducing around age 4 and now at 6 they are gone entirely.

@Xiaoxiong that's really interesting about trains. My ds only plays with cars/trains/trucks. Did you encourage the trains for your ds? Did he grow out of the obsession? We have so many wheeled toys that I've asked family to avoid them if possible for presents (birthday next week) but to be honest he does not care about any other toy/activity. If we're in a car park he's in heaven and tries to touch the wheels/give them a tap as he walks past.

@HansSoloTraveller1 glad you're dsis is feeling more relaxed. The knee knocking I read as a comfort thing, my son picks his blanket or fluff of the floor if I haven't vacced up it's normal for toddlers to have their own little comfort habits. A friend of mines dd picked her skin around the nails which is obviously not good and they sought advice but knee knocking doesn't sound harmful.

The knee knocking is total comfort that he only does when he is still sleepy from naptime. He sleeps all night doesnt wake up at night. Intersting about the trains/trucks thing dn loves cars and paw patrol he is obsessed with them.

We encouraged the trains at first but it grew to be an all-encompassing obsession where he would only play with trains or things with wheels, only read books about trains, etc. We took very deliberate steps to make sure that toys were rotated around so he had to try playing with other things once in a while - I remember one day after the trains had been put away he lined up a few tins of beans on the carpet and pushed them along, disconsolately making chuffing noises and said "train..." sadly!! But after a while we could distract him more easily and he would play with other things for a while at least. I figured if he was bored enough then he would either have to do something imaginative (like the tins of beans) or play with other things. I had quite a few tearful posts on here at the time and people were so kind and reassuring, telling me to wait it out - and they were all right

I think again this is a stage that many kids, especially boys, go through - his key worker at nursery just rolled her eyes and said that nearly every boy who she has ever worked with at that age has played with cars and trains to an obsessional level. The developmental paediatrician explained the reason that train obsession is considered a behaviour associated with ASD is that it's a "normal" 3 year old behaviour that doesn't get grown out of - similar to stimming, humming, social skill deficits, language issues.

He continues to have shorter obsessions and enthusiasms though - just this month alone we've had the Titanic, volcanoes, K'nex, planting seeds, and drawing kings of England from their portraits found on google images but my DH has obsessional phases too! So maybe it's genetic.

Tjats really interesting Xia he sounds like a fab little thing.

Xiao that sounds very familiar, tidal waves and Husky Dogs are DD's latest interests. Her teacher said a lot of her year have similar mini crazes. I blame the iPad.

The Kings of England drawings sound fab.

He's a funny little beast, we love him to pieces and as his social skills have come on leaps and bounds he has made so many friends as well (I admit I had tearful dark moments all those years ago when he was seemingly non-verbal and no eye contact that he would never make a friend or a connection with another person). He also used to have absolutely titanic very violent rages, physically hurting both himself and anyone around him, which I think were associated with how difficult he found things - those have also entirely disappeared with time. I bet you pounds to pennies that your DNephew will come on so much in the next few years you will look back and wonder what you were all worrying about and the mad HV that worried you so much.

Unborn tidal waves!! I bet DS will get into those soon! Has DD got Aquila magazine? It's intended for children a little older but we got it for DS on his 6th birthday and he's discovered so many new things through it. It also has a section where other children write in, and that's helped DS on the social skills side of things too - I think sometimes he learns about how other people think and behave the way you or I would learn algebra or french verbs. Whereas DS2 is a complete natural social animal and the life and soul of every social gathering.

So a few latest updates from today. DN is worn out as he has spent 2 hours at the park running around with his friend who hel helped up when she fell. He also pointed at the tv and looked at his mother as if expressing an interest. Dsis phoned the HV nd gp to see about speech therapy and they have told her he is too young and they wont access him for speech?! But they want him refered to paediatrics?

*assess not access sorry

Lovely that he was helping up his friend! He sounds so sweet.

For us the developmental paediatrician referral was the first step - she was the one who would assess DS and decide which services would and wouldn't be needed and when, speech therapy, etc. Perhaps it's the same for your DSis's area? I would grab that appointment with both hands, we had to wait ages and it was so helpful to have a paediatrician's input who I really felt had seen a huge spectrum of kids assess my DS and advise me what she thought would help in terms of referral (rather than the health visitors who were lovely and generally experienced with babies and toddlers but I didn't feel had much specialist training in this area).

The other useful thing to get into the paediatrics system is that you can then deal with them directly and cut the health visitors out of the loop - and if you don't feel the health visitor was helpful, that might be a good thing!

Thanks Xia! She is pretty happy to see paediatrics and hopefully they will have more to say. She is just getting fed up now of being ignored and talked over.

Your poor sister. My DD is now 9, she literally knew a dozen words at 2years +3 months. HV said oh I'll see her at 2 years 6 months as they can hange fast- she was right, by 2.6 she was chattering more but not brilliantly, but soon caught up. She would also literally 'make eyes' at EVERYONE so they'd smile st her and she'd smile back and almost 'chalk it up' in her little brain as a success - hilarious !! Never got told she was too friendly! At 9 she's absolutely perfect with reading, talking (too good sometimes!) maths etc - spot on average to good student and just a delight!

My DH cousin is a bit older than us, so this happened years ago, but he couldn't utter a word even at 3 .... became a
Professor in his late 30's ... zero problem there (he's well into his 50's now)

DD used to hold onto a toy or just 'thing' when she was having her bedtime milk because it was her 'tired' thing

Please don't read too much into it now he's only just 2 - they're all different

Flumpy thats amazing! I saod that to dsis i just sent her a photo of Einstein with the caption he never spoke until 4.

@OP
I formally opted out of health visitor service. this is absolutely an option. They just seem to make people miserable sometimes! Can always opt back in if wanting to. Tbh all the useful referals come from GP appointments anyways. My advice would be to raise a formal complaint amd also opt out of their service

mrsopera thanks. Dsis is seriously thinking of dropping the HV as soon as she gets the paedeatric appointment through.