Something seriously wrong with development.

[HansSoloTraveller1]

What could this mean? My DN's health visitor has just said this. She basically told dsis she is a shit mother and "how could you not notice something seriously wrong with his development." She has told her she is getting multiple agencies involved now.

The reasons she has given? He knocks his knees against the sofa. According to the health visitor thats a serious case of self harm.

He doesnt talk (his talking is delayed but he is finally started saying the odd word.)

And finally he is too friendly apparently and he should be shy around strangers.

Has anyone got any experience of this? The same health visitor told dsis she wasnt observant of his hearing problems 6 months ago. Dsis took him for a hearing test and his hearing was perfect.
My aibu mainly is aibu to help dsis put in an official complaint?

Thanks for that devilish i have sent the link to her. I thought about pec cards for him as well.

In terms of speech, I seriously wouldn't worry at that age. When DD turned 2, she had very few words, I was worried as other people I knew had similar age children that were saying lots. I mentioned it at the 2 year check and was told not to worry. At some point, she was probably 2yrs 2 months, it was like she swallowed a dictionary overnight and literally woke up saying so much. She's 3yrs 2mths now and she really doesn't ever stop talking!

Thats reassuring. He can say a total of about 4 words but he doesnt use them all the time so hopefully he starts getting the hang of speech.

Even if she thinks there's a problem she should never have spoken to your sister like that. DD was a late speaker at 3 he still wasn't speaking at all not a single word. During referral to a speech therapist he came up to me , gave me his cup and said can I have drink? I was gobsmacked. He hasn't shut up since. Each child is different and develop at different rates but I sometimes think that people who see a lot of children forget that.

Pecs needs to be introduced properly so needs some training. We sent ourselves on a training course (the 2 day one initially). Pyramid usually let parents pay half pecs-unitedkingdom.com/training/pecs-level-1/ it’s very good.

My son flew with PECS, but he couldn’t imitate. Funnily enough he prefers signing now (it’s fast) although he can communicate a lot more with AAC devices.

Thats interesting re the courses. I have some experience in using pecs in schools so i will show her that link as well. X

I don't understand what a health visitor is (I am not in the UK). If she is upsetting her, why is she having a health visitor at all? Why does she need to? If someone came round and wanted to inspect my child without any cause, any reason or any warrants from police etc, I'd be not allowing her on my property. Why is a stranger even allowed in her house like this?

I would be worried about the knocking the sofa purely because it is not something you'd want to teach him to do, you'd want him to stop doing it or else he'll start knocking the back of people's chairs. And it is also allowing him to think it is ok to treat your (meaning his mum's) furniture like that. I can't imagine many parents would allow their kids to kick the household furniture around. It just is not something you'd want to encourage socially. If you've ever been on a flight (or even bus) and the kid behind you is constantly kicking the back of your chair, you'll know what I mean. I can't understand why a parent would allow, let alone encourage that.

salem maybe learn what things are before commenting? A HV is a nurse who specialises in babies and small children from birth until school age. Everyone in the uk has access to them. They are not compulsery but some people like to have extra checks done on their children for advise.

And 2 he is not kicking the sofa and thats a stupid thing to say that he will start kicking peoples seats. He leans forward on the sofa so he is almost laying on it and moves his knees backwards and forwards. Thats not kicking. Thats not treating furniture badly. Its a toddler comfort thing.

maybe learn what things are before commenting
Um....I thought that is what I was doing? That is why I ASKED what one is! I am not a mind reader! I ASKED what one is.

Perhaps in future, instead of attacking people, maybe you could explain properly? You said he knocks his knees against the sofa and later explained (I deliberately read the entire thread before posting, to ensure I had the full gist of it) he did it deliberately. That sounds a lot like kicking. Maybe before jumping down my throat, re-read what you say before posting, so it makes sense.

salem i did explain properly its not my fault if you willfully jump to incorrect conclusions and make out its strange to have trained nurses look on children.

HV sounds dreadful. Definitely request a different one. My DS (now a teenager) had delayed speech. At 3 1/2 he still couldn't say Mummy/bus/apple or whatever. We were hounded by wellmeaning health professionals, poor boy had multiple hearing tests, statemented, taught signing (he never really used it), we were told he liked big hugs too much (!), he was possibly autistic and so on. Age 4 1/2 his speech caught up with his peers. He is completely normal, sporty, easy going, people person, doing well at school etc. I have a massive pile of reports of what turned out to be rubbish from medics. If I mention to anyone his early problems I can tell they struggle to believe me so I don't mention it anymore! I cried and worried a lot at the time and really feel for your sister and family. By all means have sensible checks carried out and keep an eye but trust your gut. I always knew deep down I had a very chilled out late developer on my hands but was pushed around by people whose job it seemed to be to find a problem. I should say I know nothing about autism but know a lot about delayed speech. Sensible tests but give the little fellow a bit of time to develop. Your sister is lucky to have you helping her.

No, you didn't. You didn't explain at all. I had never heard of a HV nor did I understand why she was coming around if she upset your sister. Nor did you explain the 'knocking' thing. It is not my fault if you cannot communicate properly and assume everyone on this forum is a) in the UK and b) can picture the difference between 'knocking' and 'kicking' when you describe him 'knocking the sofa'. So instead of being defensive and lashing out at me, maybe think about how you explain (or not, in this case) things and stop before you insult someone who meant well and was simply asking questions and offering advice. I was not meaning to insult you nor your sister.

Salem you literally suggested my sister was some sort of idiot parent who cant parent her child, that she would just willing let him kick peoples chairs in public and on planes. Thats a big leap to make to a stranger.

Knocking knees and kicking are two massively different things.

westwing thanks its so hard isnt it? He has learned to jump on commamd the last 2 days (although his feet dont leave the floor its adorable.) And today he learned to say truck whilst playing.

Hans you are v welcome. Jumping story made me smile. Tell your sis in this house her DS has advanced speech. HV are a bit hit and miss. I think some forget how they can frighten people with hasty diagnosis.

" you literally suggested my sister was some sort of idiot parent who cant parent her child"

No, I did NOT. I did not suggest anything. Literally, or otherwise. You are massively over-reacting HansSoloTraveller1 You clearly take offence very easily and go off at people. I politely said said that it could be a problem later, because if he is pushing his knees into the sofa via knocking or kicking, it basically leads to the same picture in ones mind.

Why post on here if you are only going to attack people, over-react and misread their intentions?

I would be worried about the knocking the sofa purely because it is not something you'd want to teach him to do, you'd want him to stop doing it or else he'll start knocking the back of people's chairs. And it is also allowing him to think it is ok to treat your (meaning his mum's) furniture like that. I can't imagine many parents would allow their kids to kick the household furniture around. It just is not something you'd want to encourage socially. If you've ever been on a flight (or even bus) and the kid behind you is constantly kicking the back of your chair, you'll know what I mean. I can't understand why a parent would allow, let alone encourage that.*

What did you mean by all this paragraph then if it wasn't implying the knee knocking is naughty behaviour he is being allowed to do? The HV has classed this as "serious self harm". It is neither. Its a soothing movement as i have already said upthread which you seem to have missed and then created your own idea on it.

I started this thread because everyone else has been super helpful.

westwing how old is your ds now? Hopefully his speech will come on brilliantly soon.

I will apologise to you salem, but i dont agree with your original statement. We have enough stress with this little boy as it is.

I would probably try to get on the waiting list for speech therapy as the waiting list is often huge. It's very possible he'll go through a language explosion and catch up before he ever gets seen but there's no harm being on the list. Speech therapist are also great about advising in general about development as they see lots of children who do have developmental issues.

The HV sounds incredibly unhelpful in her manner. By all means flag a possible concern but it doesn't sound like DN's development is so far behind to warrant her attitude.

Thanks jameson we have discussed the possibility of trying to get him seen by a speech therapist.
Dsis is feeling a bit better today because of dns new word and action. As she told me this afternoon it was the manner she was spoken to and several things the HV said to her. One of which she cut off dsis when she tried to tell the hv all the things Dn could do. She also told dsis "you only have one child so you have nothing to compare him too". That upset dsis because we have a very child rich family and friends circle so we always have children around, not that comparing them ever helps anyway.

I had a bad experience with my HV with my daughter. I was a first time mum, living away from family support and they were horrible to me. My daughter has always been petite. Although she gained weight in her first few months is was very slow. At 5 months she was only just over 10lbs....my friend’s son was born bigger than that.

The HV treated me like I was starving my child and said she was failing to thrive. I was so stressed and upset. I took her to see a paediatrician and he took one look at her and said there absolutely nothing wrong with her. She’s now 12 and has ‘thrived’ brilliantly.

With regards to his speech...try not to worry too much. Children develop at different speeds. Rather than focusing on what he says concentrate on what he understands.
My nephew is 4 and his speech isn’t great but he understands everything said to him so his speech will come.

I would look sideways at a parent who is away from their newborn for 5 weeks without a bloody good (life or death/roof over our head) reason .

mirrorwriting wrong thread?

I also remember hearing that there are three broad different ways that children develop language. One type will try to talk ASAP so their language won't be very clear at first but their parents will recognise what they're trying to say quite early on. The second is the child that will babble extensively with expression (in such a way that mimics whatever their native language is) and this kind of gradually turns into language. The third stays silent for ages then suddenly speaks quite fluently out of nowhere.