Something seriously wrong with development.

[HansSoloTraveller1]

What could this mean? My DN's health visitor has just said this. She basically told dsis she is a shit mother and "how could you not notice something seriously wrong with his development." She has told her she is getting multiple agencies involved now.

The reasons she has given? He knocks his knees against the sofa. According to the health visitor thats a serious case of self harm.

He doesnt talk (his talking is delayed but he is finally started saying the odd word.)

And finally he is too friendly apparently and he should be shy around strangers.

Has anyone got any experience of this? The same health visitor told dsis she wasnt observant of his hearing problems 6 months ago. Dsis took him for a hearing test and his hearing was perfect.
My aibu mainly is aibu to help dsis put in an official complaint?

YANBU I would complain

FWIW my ds didn’t talk hardly at all until he was 2.5, he’s 3 now and never shuts up. We did see health professionals and a speech therapist and they all said that he was a bit delayed but as his understanding was good then his speech would follow shortly and they were right.

Your poor sister! After receiving conflicting advice (at inconvenient times) from a string of bossy HVs, we withdrew from the service. Their check lists may help to screen for obscure problems in the general population but they were not benefiting my children.

None of my children said more than the odd word until they were well over two. They are absolutely fine. We were repeatedly reassured that some children just talk later.

Some children know nothing but warmth and assume it will be present in new people - nothing wrong with that!

Your DSis should take the child to the GP to have it on their notes that the GP has no concerns. At that time, any referrals that the GP thinks appropriate can be made.

Perhaps your sister could lodge an official complaint, request a meeting with the HV's boss or request a different HV.

If your DN goes to nursery, it might be worth getting a letter from them saying they have no concerns and have witnessed no concerning behaviour.

Does your DSis think the knee banging is another form of stim?

My son wasn't talking much at 2. His development has always been slow. There have never been concerns at nursery and I have pressed and pressed the issue. At almost 5 and about to start school, he seems to have caught up.

I would be putting in a complaint

She told me that they don't like to 'label' this early even though I never did mention the word autism.

Wow. Helpful. Because that’s what medical diagnosis is, isn’t it? “Labelling”. 🙄🙄🙄

We had a hospital appt last month and the paed told me to get in touch with hv about speech therapy, so I rang her and she told me it's fine and wait till the 2.5 chec

Query it in writing to her boss. Maybe by email. What is the HV doing stalking on paed recommendation? It’s like wading through treacle, sometimes, this nonsense.

Stalling not stalking.

i yet have to see a health visitor with even a basic understanding of child development, but she sounds particularly dim.
however, i would definitely get the child assessed - just in case - and then never see her again.

Thank you everyone for being so understanding. An thanks to whoever said about he mchat she filled that in for the hv and they said nothing. I just filled in the QA online and it said he was low risk for autism.

To answer battleax she did think the knee banging could be stimming but he only does it when he wakes up from a nap and is still sleepy. It brings him comfort. But i have to say i do similar. When he stimms its mostly.flapping his hands really fast and constantly whilst humming which he only does when hes really excited because he has no words to express himself. He does this on first arriving at his grandparents house then he settles down and stops doing it.

My son was referred for speech therapy at 18 months by the HV, this was a bit ridiculous. I think she thought I wasn't talking to him - what a lot of rubbish. She more or less told me he was autistic (before it was widely recognised) and that he would struggle at school. None of that ended up to be true - he started speaking properly at about 2 and a half and never had any issues with school - in fact he was far more advanced than my other two. A mother knows her child better than anyone.

peppery bless him thats crazy early for speech therapy?! He has started to say 2 words when she tells him "get your car" he will go get his car and now he sometimes says "car" when he gets it.

I took DS2 to see GP at 18 months because he had no words. I assumed he would say it was nothing to worry about but his view was that DS2 was outside the developmental benchmarks and referred him to SALT and audiology.

I could tell the SALT was running through the MCHAT checklist a pp has mentioned but there were no concerns about joint attention, responding to name, pointing etc.

He was diagnosed with mild speech delay and discharged. That turned out to be a mistake as when he started Reception, school was very concerned about his speech delay and it’s affecting his confidence in a number of ways. Not autistic though.

Still ploughing through speech therapy now. I wish I’d pushed for more help earlier but resources are so tight he probably wasn’t a priority case.

I would complain!

I had a HV home visit earlier this year after easily over a year of none because my HV went on mat leave. She came back and was horrified at how many on her list had been “forgotten”.

Anyway, I never liked this woman much at all but agreed to the visit because I was worried about my daughter development. She visited and actually put to rest a fair few of my concerns. Granted she did say I perhaps could have raised them myself earlier rather than burying my head in the sand, but in a kind way.

I was concerned about my daughter’s speech. And some of her odd habits (always needing to have two little toys to hold, never ever one etc). She assured me that it would either iron itself out in a couple of months or I should seek an assessment (again gently). It has indeed done so.

Your sisters HV is so shockingly out of order on every single level

Thank you everyone. Im the other side of the country to dsis so ive been trying to calm her down on the phone. I was classed as developmentally challenged as a child so i think he might take after me

The MCHAT is a good screen (my ds1 would have failed it at 2), so that’s a good sign.

My middle son had very bizarre/poor speech. I asked ds1’s private SaLT to assess him and she was laughing at the speech sounds he was coming out with as it was so back to front. We thought he might have verbal dyspraxia (may be worth checking that) and started some exercises for that, but he corrected himself so quickly I think it was just him.

Fast forward a few years and he has already made a living out of his voice (been in west end tours, has been in films and done a lot of voice overs) so no sign of any problems now.

So I have one positive story and one who did end up having significant problems. I think getting thorough assessments is good (was keen for that for ds1 & Ds2) but some of it is watching and waiting at this age (esp is screens such as the MCHAT are showing as low risk).

May be worth googling verbal dyspraxia/apraxia to see if it rings any bells.

devillish thank you so much i will show her that to read up on. And thats amazing for your ds to be on the west end and tours!

Didn’t expect it when he was 2. He had loads of missing sounds at two and a half and had his complete own language. It was nothing like the actual sounds (ook for granny for example). Even ds1 who is still non-verbal as an adult makes sounds than imitate the target word or have the correct number of syllables (nayee for granny for example)

I have an autistic child who had severe speech delay. Speech delay was the only obvious sign. So at 2 he went to speech therapy and was discovered he had a very disordered sound system.

Complain about hv but accept the spring board she will hopefully give your dn into community peads

Oh she is happy to accept any outside help available to her. Dn has started to copy animal sounds and even does a ghost impression saying wooo with his blanket on his head.

My little one wasnt talking at 2. At nearly 3 he is incredibly articulate and never shuts up. Some of them just wait til they can definitely do it properly.
HV sounds like a fool, I would get a second opinion

Copying is s good sign as well. My severely autistic son had to be taught to copy - wasn’t able to imitate until he was about 8.

Your all so helpful. I have noticed on here it seems to be more common in boys as well.

At the age of 2, my DD was barely saying anything, in frustration he would headbutt everything, walls, sofa, the floor.
He’d line all his toys up, scream excessively, flap his arms. Everything you read about autism he pretty much had.

Within a few months, he started talking, everything changed. Within a year, he started reading. He’s just turned 4 now and he’s the sweetest, most sociable boy ever. He has the reading age of a 7 year old. The difference is incredible.

He still has some ‘ways’ I think he has a few sensory issues but I don’t think he has autism.
At the end of the day, she is a health professional, it’s her job to know these things. We’re just parents who are doing the best they can. We’re not to know what our child should and shouldn’t be doing. All children are different and reach milestones at different ages.

My dd is 2.5 and she’s completely different.

babynut thanks for your insight.

At the end of the day, she is a health professional, it’s her job to know these things. We’re just parents who are doing the best they can. We’re not to know what our child should and shouldn’t be doing

This though I disagree with. She has made 2 incorrect statements and been snappy and nasty to my dsis. Also my dsis has done lots of research into development and has had some concerns for a long time that shes asked health professionals. Hes also not my son and i see things in him thag have concerned me and then he grows out of it so its hard to tell at this point.

TBH HV ime know jack all about autism etc.

TBH a lot of general health know absolutely nothing about autism and other developmental issues. It’s a specialist field. I found the early years a nightmare and looking back it was in part because they professionals around us did not have specialist knowledge.

HansSolo - because your nephew is imitating the other thing your sister could do is introduce some Makaton signing. (Or some other form of signing if she had access to baby sign classes). It encourages the development of speech and reduces frustration. Can really help.

Twenty years ago training options were limited and I think everyone I knew used this DVD to start themselves off www.makaton.org/shop/shopping/stockDetails/Nursery-Rhymes-DVD The kids loved it as well I still remember the signs from there better than the signs i’ve Learned in official courses

Ds1 didn’t pick up any signs until he learned to imitate much later but I used Makaton with ds3’s (just because I knew he was high risk & I thought I may as well). His la gauge development was the most typical of them all but I still remember him aged about 15 months manically signing ‘more more more’ as we walked down the biscuit aisle in Sainsbury’s.

That HV sounds loopy as fuck