Over school incident? DS's(8) ear pierced by older girl

[upsideup]

I've had to go and pick up DS (8, Y4) from school early today as he had his ear pierced at lunch by a year 6 girl.
The story that I've been told is that he said he wanted it done, she said she knows how to do and had done her friends before and so he ended up lying on the bench surrounded by her friends while she pierced it, DS says he was crying and screamed when she did it but the school reckons nobody heard this. He ended up getting blood on the school table, on his homework and a lot all down his shirt after lunch so had to tell the teacher.

It very much seemed that the school had decided that as DS was certain that he told her she could do it that she hadn't actually done anything wrong and DS is the one who misbehaved and is in big trouble. He has to redo his half term homework and has to stay in at lunch by himself for the rest of the week.
DS told me who did is but I think otherwise they were going to refuse to do so, I've met this girl as shes is in DD1's class so obviously I am going to ask dd if she knows anything about this when she gets home but as there have been party's and play dates with the girl before I know the power balance is definitely on her side. There was no mention of them dealing with the girl or her parents being informed just them making it very clear that DS said she could do it.

I am annoyed with DS, I don't know why he told her she could do it and he was really really stupid to let her but I know I would be a lot more annoyed if he (or dd1) had pierced someone elses ear at school especially a child 3 years younger than them.
That seems a lot more serious and inappropriate to me as at least with DS's actions he was the only one who go hurt. At 11 she is definitely old enough to know that this is not okay and if she doesn't then I think she needs to be taught so now.
I would want to know if my child had done this

So AIBU to want to question the punishment that the girl is getting or at least ask for confirmation that her parents are being informed?
And also maybe even question the playground supervision? I know this isn't the schools fault but it seems a bit odd that nobody noticed and of this.

Hope you get some answers tomorrow.

Make some notes for tomorrow.

Good luck

The staff in this establishment sound grossly incompetent! They were in loco parentis, and your child was stabbed in the ear by an unsterilized pointed object! You should telephone the police and your local mp - and ofsted for that matter. Get your son a tetanus injection as a matter of urgency! If the police are telephoned, you are in a positon to press charges. Your child cannot stay in this school. It sounds to me that a changing of schools is the best course of action, for your son's welfare! Do report back op! Best wishes!

I would flip!!
It doesn't matter if ds said it was ok - she was completely in the wrong! School are way out of line here, they absolutely can not let children go around piercing other children! As for no one hearing anything... They always say that - my son was repeatedly beaten up and they never saw a thing... Yet when he turned around and punched back, all of a sudden they suspended my son and poor little bully boy was wrapped in cotton wool. Now im not saying my son was right, just that schools never take the instigator seriously but throw the book at the target.

I would raise hell, especially that the school has said she didn't do anything wrong, i'd probably go straight to the governors - you cant deal with someone who thinks that's ok.

Wtf?? Craziest thing I've ever heard. If my daughter did that to a younger child/any child I'd want to know & she'd be punished. I certainly wouldn't want or expect the younger child to be punished.
This school is warped

Yeee God!
8 year olds do stupid things
11 year olds do stupid things
But that is why they are supposed to be supervised.
As a teacher, I’m the first to defend teachers against pitchfork wielding parents but this really is unacceptable on the school’s part.

Well, I just hope she doesn't do a line in tats as well.

Yeah, being kept in at playtime is only a punishment if you mind being in! My DD loved to read, and got bad hayfever, so was pretty pleased the few times they tried that as a punishment (for forgetting to bring in homework usually)

So if he'd asked her to stab him with a knife and she did then that would be ok too? Absolutely stupid reaction from school!!

This is against the other responses but I know so many people who did this when I was at school.
Yeah it’s daft as you can’t undo the scaring and there’s a chance of infection but I think this is more of an education thing on both their parts. He’s now learnt to think things through better, not to let someone do something to his body that’s going to hurt, etc etc. I think his punishment is really over the top but also I don’t think the girl that ‘pieced’ his ear needs to be hunted down and her parents don’t need to be questioned about their punishment. Just silly kids stuff.
The school do need to look at their management of the playground staff though!!

Pleased to hear DS is OK. It sounds to me as though it's definitely worth a word with the school. I'm a teacher, and we would never handle something like that this way.

The other child might not need to be punished, but does need to learn that she can't go around piercing other children's ears, especially one who is younger and presumably not really able to understand what he's consented to, even if he has. You're absolutely right to seek reassurance here.

Also not fair that your son has been blamed and punished for an incident that he can't really be held accountable for. Ultimately, another child caused him harm, whether he asked for it or not. I'd worry about what that's teaching him (and the other child) about things likes rights and responsibilities, so I'd definitely bring this up with the school.

Imo, they should have also referred you on to A&E straight away. It's highly unlikely that proper or sterile equipment was used, it could have been anything and they are responsible for his wellbeing whilst he is at school.

I don’t understand how so many people are saying “Oh we did this at school” and it is still going on today!

What I mean is, if it is a known offence, year after year, decade after decade, you would have thought the schools would have a policy to prevent it. Talks to pupils, warnings, something.

Oh honestly - HIV prophylaxis!!!!

But glad you had him checked out

I wonder about your reasoning re being ok with them punishing your child ? It's madness, OK he may have agreed he'd like to have his ear pierced..prob through bravado and a bit of excitement maybe but obv he wouldn't have known what he was letting himself in for ! Bloody hell..you should be hugging him, thankful he's ok and protecting him not sending him back there to be punished and miss his playtimes. If this happened in the school I work in it would be dealt with very differently and the school would be assuring you that this would never happen again. Safeguarding is a joke at your school.

Wow! I would not be happy! Both children need to be punished in the hope they wouldn’t be so silly again! The girl at 11 should definitely know better!

I would be furious with the school. Where we're the staff! That's negligence on their part. They allowed your child to be harmed.

It's exactly the kind of incident that reminds us that kids need close supervision, they cannot be left and trusted they are too young.

Doctors now and a meeting with the Head. Sorry you've had to go through this.

1. Have you taken your son for a tetanus shot yet? That should be the first thing on your mind.

1. Bollock the school. The girl needs to be punished, no matter what your son (or any child) agreed to, IT IS STILL WRONG TO PIERCE A KID’S EARS WHEN YOU ARE A KID YOURSELF

And if the school doesn’t tell her parents, you should!!!

He did give permission and needs some kind of punishment but the school needs to do something, as she could persuade more unfortunate victims. I do not think the police will do anything as it would be legal to give permission to have bad ear piercing at any age, unless you are in Scotland but seek medical help and a tetanus

needs some kind of punishment ?!?!

Really?! I think being held down, screaming in pain and bleeding probably did that.

Maybe needs awareness in things that he should/should not consent to, but it would never have occurred to me to teach this to my children!!

I think both parties should be punished but..

Well my mum pierced half the street with a needle back in the day, I wouldn’t be super worried about damage

Yes and no, children lie and BS to parents about what happened because they don’t want to be told off. He probably made a small ‘ow’ and that was that. I hardly doubt that he screamed and cried...seems very far fetched in a playground with lots of children. However - his punishment seems way OTT!!

As for the other girl....we’ll, she should be punished and in fact could face legal charges. It’s assault. Pure and simple. She should be punished! ANd not just a lunchtime detention.

I personally would be reporting it to the LADO as a safeguarding concerns and placing formal complaints with the school.

Sorry am a bit stunned reading this so if I'm just repeating what others have said I apologise in advance but.....I think your son has already had a lot to reflect on and I'm really unsure why he is missing any playtime. He has been coerced by an older child into agreeing something that he could not really have understood. Has she had her ears pierced professionally and understands therefore about parental consent being needed, aftercare etc. What was supposed to happen. Was he being given an ear ring. Or did she just want to see what would happen when she hurt your child? I'd want reassurance about how children are safeguarded at lunchtime and I'd want to know that a) the school is taken action about the 11 year old and b) that the rest of the class who stood around watching are also asked to pause to think. I can't believe that at 11 they thought that this was okay. They need reflect on why they all went to Clare's (or wherever), had to have a parent present, had to pay and had to follow aftercare. They know full well they shouldn't have done that. I do say they shouldn't have done - they need to think about the fact that watching and doing nothing is pretty rubbish when a younger child is being hurt. I said stunned at the start as I can't believe that any school really things that they should do nothing if this sort of thing is going on in their playground. I would personally be thinking about the police if the school didn't take it seriously. I would expect that she would be suspended to be honest. If she had hit even if she felt goaded into it she would face serious consequences but the school are blaming the victim!!! Really hope that you do take this further. What will she do to the next child?

He probably made a small ‘ow’ and that was that. I hardly doubt that he screamed and cried...seems very far fetched

Wtf?! How callous

I honestly do think the punishment is a bit OTT and unfair and this is without me knowing how the other girl is being punished or if she is even being punished.
DS had the option this morning of staying home with me but said he was fine to go to school. The Y6's are allowed to stay in at lunch so DS actually doesnt mind this as a punishment, he also had a late night and quite a traumatic day so was happy to be inside on his own.

Maybe when I go in tomorrow I will be able to get him to be allowed back out thursday and friday but if I accept the punishment and act reasonable they are probably more likely to take my concerns seriously than if I went in this morning furious insisting DS is completely innocent, he is able to take his fair share of blame for this, hes old and mature enough to know that it was wrong and he went along with it anyway.

He definately wont be punished at home, he knows I think what he did was stupid but that I am not mad with him, we did talk seriously about it but he had lots of cuddles and got to have lots of icecream when we got home last night before bed. He also knows that I think what the girl did was really wrong and that I think the teachers were wrong to be so mad at him and that I am going to go in and sort it for him.