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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Over school incident? DS's(8) ear pierced by older girl

298 replies

upsideup · 04/06/2018 15:26

I've had to go and pick up DS (8, Y4) from school early today as he had his ear pierced at lunch by a year 6 girl.
The story that I've been told is that he said he wanted it done, she said she knows how to do and had done her friends before and so he ended up lying on the bench surrounded by her friends while she pierced it, DS says he was crying and screamed when she did it but the school reckons nobody heard this. He ended up getting blood on the school table, on his homework and a lot all down his shirt after lunch so had to tell the teacher.

It very much seemed that the school had decided that as DS was certain that he told her she could do it that she hadn't actually done anything wrong and DS is the one who misbehaved and is in big trouble. He has to redo his half term homework and has to stay in at lunch by himself for the rest of the week.
DS told me who did is but I think otherwise they were going to refuse to do so, I've met this girl as shes is in DD1's class so obviously I am going to ask dd if she knows anything about this when she gets home but as there have been party's and play dates with the girl before I know the power balance is definitely on her side. There was no mention of them dealing with the girl or her parents being informed just them making it very clear that DS said she could do it.

I am annoyed with DS, I don't know why he told her she could do it and he was really really stupid to let her but I know I would be a lot more annoyed if he (or dd1) had pierced someone elses ear at school especially a child 3 years younger than them.
That seems a lot more serious and inappropriate to me as at least with DS's actions he was the only one who go hurt. At 11 she is definitely old enough to know that this is not okay and if she doesn't then I think she needs to be taught so now.
I would want to know if my child had done this

So AIBU to want to question the punishment that the girl is getting or at least ask for confirmation that her parents are being informed?
And also maybe even question the playground supervision? I know this isn't the schools fault but it seems a bit odd that nobody noticed and of this.

OP posts:
Seeline · 04/06/2018 15:50

I think you should get medical advice. Stuff from the chemist may stop the wound being infected, but what about more serious things - hepatitis, tetanus etc. Do you know what the girl used and whether she had done the same thing to anyone else first?

Bibesia · 04/06/2018 15:52

As a matter of law a child cannot give consent to being assaulted. Absolutely the school should be taking this seriously and you are absolutely entitled to know what they are doing to safeguard other children, including your own, from the this girl's activities.

Dontletthebastardsgrindyoudown · 04/06/2018 15:53

He needs to be seen at A&E Shock who knows what she's used, where she got it or who she's used it on. Fucking hell!

OohMavis · 04/06/2018 15:53

I can't believe this! They're doing NOTHING to deal with the child that stuck a sharp instrument into your child's ear? Are they insane?

They absolutely are allowed to tell you what action they're taking against another child! My son was racially abused by a boy in his class and I was kept aware during the entire process.

This is unbelievable.

Petalflowers · 04/06/2018 15:53

Didn’t the person on playground duty notice that an 11year old was piercing an eight old ears?! How can they have not noticed a small gathering of people, or hear the screams etc?

MsJinglyJones · 04/06/2018 15:54

Bloody hell what are the school on? He's 8, yes it was foolish but if she hadn't been willing to do it it wouldn't have been an option! How dare they give him a hard time! I'm fuming for you OP!

And yes the infection risk is really serious - a low risk, but potentially really bad. They need to at the very least get that through to her and her parents what a seriously dangerous thing it is to do, and ideally make that clear to the whole school and make a big deal of it.

I am not an interfering or complaining type of parent by any stretch but I'd be going in and making a big fuss, I'd inform the school and I'd also consider reporting to police and Ofsted, especially if they didn't take me seriously.

SheSellSeaShells · 04/06/2018 15:55

what the hell?? I would be straight down there complaining - sorry but she's old enough to say "no - making a hole through someones body part is probably not the best plan for lunch break....." I dread to ask what she tried to make the hole with, and where she got it from?

Addy2 · 04/06/2018 15:55

Were the school able to explain where she got the sharp implement from? Make a complaint to the governing body/trust.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 04/06/2018 15:56

The school should be worried that this happened on their watch - I would be less concerned by the silliness of both parties (both young enough to be stupid) and more concerned by the risk of blood poisoning etc. Ask to see their incident form.

As far as punishment, they should both be told off with a clear explanation of the possible risks, with an emphasis on ear loss!

Original poster
upsideup · 04/06/2018 15:56

Okay, is this A&E tonight or doctors when I can get an appointment situation?
school nurse did say we just need to keep an eye on it, keep it clean and take him if it doesnt look like its healing well.

OP posts:
MizCracker · 04/06/2018 15:57

Presumably she just forced a blunt earring into his lobe?

Bloody hell, that would have taken quite some time and some considerable force.

The school had a massive problem with lunchtime supervision if young kids can do that to each other unnoticed.

Dontletthebastardsgrindyoudown · 04/06/2018 15:58

A&E tonight Op! I'm sure he'll be absolutely fine, but there's reasons tattoo and piercing studios have such strict laws. It shouldn't be happening in a bloody playground!

RhapsodyQueen · 04/06/2018 15:58

I would 100% go to A&E. Poor boy. And poor you.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 04/06/2018 15:59

Depends on what she pierced it with - if it was a rusty old pin and his tetanus is not up to date, then your local Urgent Care Centre.

frasier · 04/06/2018 16:00

School nurse is minimising it at the risk of your child’s health. Ring your surgery and ask for advice. Tell them he was attacked with a sharp implement.

JamPasty · 04/06/2018 16:00

A&E now. IF he needs antivirals (which he may not - I am not a doctor) then the timeframe is quite short.

Dodie66 · 04/06/2018 16:00

I would worry about what she used and what it had been used for before. Definitely get him checked.

OohMavis · 04/06/2018 16:01

Ok... the awfulness of this whole situation aside, it's neither an accident or an emergency... and will most likely be absolutely fine. A trip to A&E isn't necessary.

Just watch for signs of infection and if there are any, the GP will be able to deal with it.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 04/06/2018 16:02

Now don't be silly. He wasn't attacked with anything. But his skin was broken with an unknown implement, so what would the surgery advise.

arethereanyleftatall · 04/06/2018 16:02

There must be more to this.
I can't imagine a situation whereby an 8 year old has to redo their homework because it's covered in their own blood.

Petalflowers · 04/06/2018 16:02

Also, you said she has done it before...! Doesn’t this need looking into as well. How can an 11year repeatedly pierce someone’s ears, and nothing has been said before? Did she do it before at school? If so, why wasn’t there action to stop it happening again? I can’t believe how blasé the school are about it!

LoniceraJaponica · 04/06/2018 16:03

Please don't take him to A and E. Keep an eye on it and if it becomes infected he needs to see a GP.

I would do as LupinsNotBluebells suggested, and copy the governors in as well. This is a safeguarding issue.

Timeissliplingaway · 04/06/2018 16:03

I would be so angry that this girl was receiving no sort of punishment for her actions. She inflicted pain on your child that she was well aware of doing. Also the risk of infection is high. A lot of children don't realise that ear piercing hurts . My son asked to get it done so I gave his ear a pinch to show him what it would feel like, that changed his mind.

JamPasty · 04/06/2018 16:03

Just watch for signs of infection and if there are any, the GP will be able to deal with it.

absolutely incorrect and dangerous advice. If example she used a needle that had been used on someone else there is a risk of hepatitis and HIV that should be addressed straight away.

Original poster
upsideup · 04/06/2018 16:05

Okay I'm picking dd up and going to go to A&E to get it looked, so I probably won't be on heer for quite a few hours!
Apperently she did clean it with hand gel and water before and it was done with a safety pin, I dont know if this was hers or she got it from school but I wouldnt be suprised that an 11 year was able to to access a safety pin from school as DD has done textiles and brought them home in stuff shes making before.
DS has said maybe it was a safety but it might have been her earing but I dont think he really saw it or knows what a safety pin is, he did said he saw her take it into the toilets to clean it (obviously he didnt go in and watch her do it)

OP posts: