Over school incident? DS's(8) ear pierced by older girl

[upsideup]

I've had to go and pick up DS (8, Y4) from school early today as he had his ear pierced at lunch by a year 6 girl.
The story that I've been told is that he said he wanted it done, she said she knows how to do and had done her friends before and so he ended up lying on the bench surrounded by her friends while she pierced it, DS says he was crying and screamed when she did it but the school reckons nobody heard this. He ended up getting blood on the school table, on his homework and a lot all down his shirt after lunch so had to tell the teacher.

It very much seemed that the school had decided that as DS was certain that he told her she could do it that she hadn't actually done anything wrong and DS is the one who misbehaved and is in big trouble. He has to redo his half term homework and has to stay in at lunch by himself for the rest of the week.
DS told me who did is but I think otherwise they were going to refuse to do so, I've met this girl as shes is in DD1's class so obviously I am going to ask dd if she knows anything about this when she gets home but as there have been party's and play dates with the girl before I know the power balance is definitely on her side. There was no mention of them dealing with the girl or her parents being informed just them making it very clear that DS said she could do it.

I am annoyed with DS, I don't know why he told her she could do it and he was really really stupid to let her but I know I would be a lot more annoyed if he (or dd1) had pierced someone elses ear at school especially a child 3 years younger than them.
That seems a lot more serious and inappropriate to me as at least with DS's actions he was the only one who go hurt. At 11 she is definitely old enough to know that this is not okay and if she doesn't then I think she needs to be taught so now.
I would want to know if my child had done this

So AIBU to want to question the punishment that the girl is getting or at least ask for confirmation that her parents are being informed?
And also maybe even question the playground supervision? I know this isn't the schools fault but it seems a bit odd that nobody noticed and of this.

Oh gosh, I'm a midday supervisor and would be really upset if something like this happened on my watch. It does sound as though supervision was lacking (to say the least).
I don't think it's a police matter though.

I'd be incandescent with rage, and I'd be marching in there first thing tomorrow morning to demand an immediate meeting with the head. How dare they victim blame? The girl should be the on facing punishments.

If you have a son this stupid then you have to wonder who he takes after

So who do you take after to be so nasty and unkind?

Laceystace

"Wendycastle

so a person 1 year older has full 'criminal' responsibility. Let kids be kids! Stop criminalising them"

Just pointing out that's the law. And it's been decided at taking all things into consideration that most children (not all but most) have the capacity to realise the consequences of their actions. A child two years below that age would definitely not.
You feel this is normal child like behaviour? To pierce another child's ear? One that is 3 years younger at that?

I think it was stupid of her to do it, she was probably showing off. I also said I don't think it should go to the police but if the school continue to not take seriously then no harm in bringing that up with the school.

I also personally find very poor that the school appear to be punishing the 8 year old rather than the 11 year old. There is a huge difference in those three years. I don't even think he should have been punished at all - a sit down and explaining exactly why that was stupid (disease, infection etc) but the pain would have been punishment enough.

I'm not saying the 11 year should be flogged, I think she should be sat down and explained to as well (in more depth as she has greater capacity for understanding...) but she should also be punished in a similar way as he has been along with speaking to her parents. She used a safety pin to pierce a child three years younger, she has to know there are consequences for stupid, potentially very dangerous actions like that

They were both stupid, but I think the punishment is ridiculous! Surely he should just live and learn from this? Don't be silly enough to let someone near you with a needle/ sharp implement because it bloody hurts and bleeds a lot! I'm surprised they punished him and not her, she should've known better really.

strygil seems to have a history of only commenting unpleasant remarks to OPs. Says a lot about their character.

My dc both did something stupid, which either would not have been punished when I was young. No one hurt. No financial damage.

Police called, court records. Emotional angst.

Please keep police out of minor things. At least think about if YOUR sweety did it.

(Booze and writing on window: no damage and apologized. Still police and record.)

If you have a son this stupid then you have to wonder who he takes after
nice!
What an apt username.

Shocking way for the school to respond, sad to see that good old ‘blame the victim’ behaviour is still alive and well by authority. More so when it’s actually their responsibility... pretending a child of 8 can ‘consent’ as their get out clause, how pathetic. Ugh.

someone I went to school with died from piercing his ear at home with a needle. Go to doctors, get tetanus and bloods done for other types of infection and disease
Complain to school

Your son was assaulted at school. I'd call the police.

I would not call the police.

But I would go in to school and point out that I was concerned about the lack of supervision, I would make it clear that I was concerned about an older child being able to inflict this amount of harm on a younger without anyone noticing, especially as other children had reported hearing him scream in pain. I would ask if they intend to do any work on safe-guarding, e.g. speaking to the children about how they must not inflict physical harm on each other or allow others to it to them and how they must tell a teacher if they see somebody else doing it.

I wouldn't take it to the police no. What she did was very very stupid but I think involving the police would be really over the top.

However, do not take this lying down with the school. I would want to know exactly what they are doing to punish this girl and if they refuse to tell me I would then threaten them with the police. Ask them which the parents would prefer.

If my dd had done anything like this I would be apologising profusely to the parents and child, as would she. I would also want the parents to know how my dd was being punished so they had peace of mind that it was being taken very seriously and punishments metered out accordingly.

so a person 1 year older has full 'criminal' responsibility. Let kids be kids! Stop criminalising them

I bet you’d want an 11 year old criminalised if they took a metal rod to your car! Or would that just be kids being kids?

What happened at the meeting today OP?

I'd be mad at the school for not noticing it was happening and I'd want to know the girl was being 'dealt with' even if they can't tell you what that involves.

OP - I think you've handled this well, including cuddles and ice cream being separate from the punishment etc..

But WHY do people got to A&E with stuff like this? Urgent Care or Walk In Centre, yes, but it was neither an accident or emergency and this service REALLY should be kept for people that really need it. Has no one noticed the NHS is struggling???

You weren’t there MustShowDH. You have no idea whether the OP should or shouldn’t have gone. Fuck off with your “NHS is struggling so don’t take your kids” crap. Pay for private health insurance or treatment so they have your family not adding to the “struggle” if you care that much.

LOL - They need to save the money for your therapy for anger issues!

I have private health insurance.

Me too

I can't believe people are claiming that the child is lying when he is obviously so wedded to the truth that he got into trouble because of it.

My dd used to make a huge drama if she hurt herself, I remember countless times thinking this she really must have broken a limb.

People go to a&e because you will never get a gp appointment! And unless you are a trained medic, you have no idea how serious it is. They usually assess you and send you through urgent care or emdoc for non serious stuff.

Im a first aider and you wouldn't believe some things people dont take their kids to hospital for (severed top of finger for one! Apparently football match that afternoon wasn't worth missing to get the kids finger sewn back on, it was like a flip top lid with nerves wriggling and blood everywhere 🤢) alas i can only advise hospital treatment not enforce it, so i dress the wound and tell them how serious it is and to go to A&E IMMEDIATELY (handy as it was nextdoor) but no, they drove the opposite way. When your kid is hurt - get it seen too! Infections take hold very quickly.

Op was right to get it checked. She could have been back down with blood poisoning in a few days otherwise.

If she put 'son has septicaemia from school ear piercing incident' everyone would be bashing her for not getting it checked out at the time.

Oh my god..... Why have I only just noticed this thread? What happened in the end OP? Did your kid have to take any meds? What happened about the girl?
I feel so sorry for you and your kid!