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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Over school incident? DS's(8) ear pierced by older girl

298 replies

upsideup · 04/06/2018 15:26

I've had to go and pick up DS (8, Y4) from school early today as he had his ear pierced at lunch by a year 6 girl.
The story that I've been told is that he said he wanted it done, she said she knows how to do and had done her friends before and so he ended up lying on the bench surrounded by her friends while she pierced it, DS says he was crying and screamed when she did it but the school reckons nobody heard this. He ended up getting blood on the school table, on his homework and a lot all down his shirt after lunch so had to tell the teacher.

It very much seemed that the school had decided that as DS was certain that he told her she could do it that she hadn't actually done anything wrong and DS is the one who misbehaved and is in big trouble. He has to redo his half term homework and has to stay in at lunch by himself for the rest of the week.
DS told me who did is but I think otherwise they were going to refuse to do so, I've met this girl as shes is in DD1's class so obviously I am going to ask dd if she knows anything about this when she gets home but as there have been party's and play dates with the girl before I know the power balance is definitely on her side. There was no mention of them dealing with the girl or her parents being informed just them making it very clear that DS said she could do it.

I am annoyed with DS, I don't know why he told her she could do it and he was really really stupid to let her but I know I would be a lot more annoyed if he (or dd1) had pierced someone elses ear at school especially a child 3 years younger than them.
That seems a lot more serious and inappropriate to me as at least with DS's actions he was the only one who go hurt. At 11 she is definitely old enough to know that this is not okay and if she doesn't then I think she needs to be taught so now.
I would want to know if my child had done this

So AIBU to want to question the punishment that the girl is getting or at least ask for confirmation that her parents are being informed?
And also maybe even question the playground supervision? I know this isn't the schools fault but it seems a bit odd that nobody noticed and of this.

OP posts:
FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast · 04/06/2018 17:42

Marjorie there is a time and place for grammar pedantry, but it is not here and now.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 04/06/2018 17:42

Yikes, you might have experimented with blood but I sure as hell didn’t.

MismatchedPJs · 04/06/2018 17:42

Without hearing all the conversations we can't know, but it's quite possible that the other child has been punished and her parents informed etc. They might just be not sharing details of that with you.

I'm not arguing that's definitely the case in any way, but it's a possibility. Omission of the details doesn't tell you anything. If you KNOW her parents haven't even been informed, that's a different matter. You can ask what sanctions she's had, but they might say it's not your concern.

lanbury · 04/06/2018 17:43

The school should be dealing with this and yes of course the girls parents should be informed etc. This happened a lot when I was at school (weirdly) kids who's parents refused to allow their DD's get their ears pieced used to go to "Tina". She'd quite happily piece ears with a compass for lunch money! The school had an assembly on it, including the risk of infection and at the time they said that if anyone else tried it on a third party it could be construed as assault. Your school needs to deal with it before it becomes a "fashion", if they don't, this girl will gain kudos for doing it with the other kids!!

Island35 · 04/06/2018 17:44

There are so many issues here I could go on for ages. When a child is at school they are in the care of the school hence the hundreds of safeguarding procedures schools go through. Where were the staff/supervisors? If the school can't won't give you info on what is going to happen to the other party then you have no other option than to go to the governors/LEA/police.

qwertyuiopy · 04/06/2018 17:45

www.thebody.com/Forums/AIDS/SafeSex/Q8652.html

Mookie81 · 04/06/2018 17:45

Report to the governors and Ofsted due to safeguarding.
And I'm a teacher saying this.

Timeissliplingaway · 04/06/2018 17:45

marjorie25, please get over yourself.

BabiesDontNeedDaddies · 04/06/2018 17:45

The op stated that he insisted that he wanted her to do it. Most parents understate their childs guilt but even if we take op as exact the whole thing is still his fault. If this was me I would be making sure my kid knew what he did was wrong and why. I would also make my child apologize to the girl for involving her in his misbehaviour. She didn't attack him, she didn't assault him, she misguidedly followed another child's request.

MsChanandlerBoing · 04/06/2018 17:47

I find it a little odd that people are giving examples of bloody or needle childhood exploits as examples why this isn’t a big deal or saying that it is hysterical to bring up viruses. We simply understand so much more these days about how certain viruses are transmitted and how we can test and prevent transmission.

This is different to you and your best friend washing a safety pin and piercing your ears.
If she doesn’t know the girl and doesn’t know what was used then I would be very suspicious. At the very least I would be demanding to speak to the girl just to find out what she used, where she found it and if it was used before - to be honest the damage is done I wouldn’t even be angry at her I would just want to make sure my child is safe and it’s not something she picked up on the walk to school or on the bus.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 04/06/2018 17:47

The girl had a choice to pierce him or not. She’s eleven, three years older than he is.

Whattheactualfuckmate · 04/06/2018 17:48

I agree mookie

Who the hell waa supervising these kids?

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 04/06/2018 17:48

I agree that baby has acted like a major
A hole on here. However, I don't think that warrants the grammar police. We don't know if posters suffer from dyslexia or not, do we.

FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast · 04/06/2018 17:48

" . At the very least I would be demanding to speak to the girl "

yes but that is not how primary school works is it?

Certainly OP needs to find out.

PotteryLady · 04/06/2018 17:51

As others said why wasn't there any supervision?
She has inflicted actual bodily harm with what could be classed as a weapon! At his age is he allowed to offer consent?

MsChanandlerBoing · 04/06/2018 17:51

Tbh fourfriedchickens I thought that might be expecting much! I don’t have kids in primary school yet so don’t know how it works - my school was very open about things with parents so would’ve probably had a meeting with the parents and children but it was in the 90s!

Fruitcorner123 · 04/06/2018 17:51

I would also make my child apologize to the girl for involving her in his misbehaviour

ridiculous!

Firstly just because he said he asked for it doesn't mean he did, he might well have said that because he doesn't want her to get in trouble or because she has pressured him into saying that.

Secondly saying you want something done isn't the same as insisting someone do it for you. She had a choice.

sashh · 04/06/2018 17:53

Just because they have not mentioned the girl does not mean she has not been punished, it just means you have not been told. That's quite normal, you have no right to the girl's personal data.

FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast · 04/06/2018 17:54

" Tbh fourfriedchickens I thought that might be expecting much "

yes but think about it - you couldn't just have parents 'demanding' to confront children could you?

NatashaRomanov · 04/06/2018 17:54

So because he asked, it's ok? If he asked for a tattoo, and she got her safety pin, and broke a pen to get some ink, would that have been ok??

Your son has been failed by the school. And if the girls and her friends didn't know better, they are being failed by parents and the school as well.

My daughter is your son's age. If I was in your position, I would be taking it as far as possible.

MsChanandlerBoing · 04/06/2018 17:59

fourfriedchickens I don’t mean to confront her as a scary/angry thing (although I appreciate saying demanding does give off that tone) - honestly at this point what’s done is done, he shouldn’t have asked, she shouldn’t have done it - things heal, the injury itself is not that big a deal in grand scheme of things. (School supervision and the fact that it could happen is a separate issue)

Personally, I would explain that very clearly to the school and explain what information I would like - if the school would give me that information that’s fine, if they’re happy for me to ask her that’s also fine, if my child knew the answer that’s also fine. If that’s all not possible then in lieu I would take my child for medical attention to have appropriate blood tests and ensure vaccinations are up to date.

OohMavis · 04/06/2018 18:00

I have to say I'm surprised at the advice given to OP about A&E. I think that's really really daft. Yes it's technically a wound, but it's a pinprick in an earlobe from a supposedly clean safety pin.

I'd feel a muppet sitting there with a plaster on my ear while people around me were in dire need of medical assistance. And I'd expect a raised eyebrow from the triage nurse at the very least.

Anyway, I hope your son is feeling better and you get somewhere with the school tomorrow, OP. They've treated him very unfairly.

ElderflowerWaterIsDelish · 04/06/2018 18:01

Oh my Goodness, don't let this drop..an 8 year old can't legally consent to ear piercing, if he wanted his ears pierced at a proper piercing place they wouldn't accept his concern, it would be parental consent...so they are wrong there

What is worrying is that they are trying to blame it on your son rather than the girl, and also what is worrying is where the heck were the staff when he was screaming and covered in blood...

If someone stabbed your son through the ear in the street it would be assault...don't let them minimise it

AnotherDayAnotherName745 · 04/06/2018 18:02

I daresay the school might be punishing the girl, but I'm not sure if they would or even are allowed to tell you
Lots of people saying this, but my DCs school always stated, if appropriate, that they took whatever incident seriously, and the other child would be punished (without naming the child).dont know of any reason why that wouldn't happen?

frasier · 04/06/2018 18:03

MsChanandlerBoing

The OP’s son doesn’t know what the girl stuck in him. He thought it might have been a safety pin or her earring. The school haven’t told the OP. That’s why she has gone to get medical advice.