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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Over school incident? DS's(8) ear pierced by older girl

298 replies

upsideup · 04/06/2018 15:26

I've had to go and pick up DS (8, Y4) from school early today as he had his ear pierced at lunch by a year 6 girl.
The story that I've been told is that he said he wanted it done, she said she knows how to do and had done her friends before and so he ended up lying on the bench surrounded by her friends while she pierced it, DS says he was crying and screamed when she did it but the school reckons nobody heard this. He ended up getting blood on the school table, on his homework and a lot all down his shirt after lunch so had to tell the teacher.

It very much seemed that the school had decided that as DS was certain that he told her she could do it that she hadn't actually done anything wrong and DS is the one who misbehaved and is in big trouble. He has to redo his half term homework and has to stay in at lunch by himself for the rest of the week.
DS told me who did is but I think otherwise they were going to refuse to do so, I've met this girl as shes is in DD1's class so obviously I am going to ask dd if she knows anything about this when she gets home but as there have been party's and play dates with the girl before I know the power balance is definitely on her side. There was no mention of them dealing with the girl or her parents being informed just them making it very clear that DS said she could do it.

I am annoyed with DS, I don't know why he told her she could do it and he was really really stupid to let her but I know I would be a lot more annoyed if he (or dd1) had pierced someone elses ear at school especially a child 3 years younger than them.
That seems a lot more serious and inappropriate to me as at least with DS's actions he was the only one who go hurt. At 11 she is definitely old enough to know that this is not okay and if she doesn't then I think she needs to be taught so now.
I would want to know if my child had done this

So AIBU to want to question the punishment that the girl is getting or at least ask for confirmation that her parents are being informed?
And also maybe even question the playground supervision? I know this isn't the schools fault but it seems a bit odd that nobody noticed and of this.

OP posts:
JamPasty · 04/06/2018 16:49

A&e is a daft idea unless he’s in danger of bleeding to death. The GP will be able to say if any tests are needed and/or tetanus. It can wait until tomorrow.

Well no, not if prophylactic antivirals are needed it can't. Hopefully they won't be

funinthesun18 · 04/06/2018 16:49

I'd be absolutely fuming at the school and at the girl if that was my son.

treeofhearts · 04/06/2018 16:50

I think people need to calm down a bit here. We did this as children when we were between 11 and 13. Pierced each others ears with safety pins and an apple. We didn't even have hand gel. One friend and I both still have ours actually. Slightly off centre but healed perfectly and still there 20 years later. God, did we get a clout for it. It's hardly an A&E situation. Monumentally daft and requiring strict punishments for both of them, yes but not worthy of A&E and police involvement. If it was a used syringe needle then yes absolutely but a washed safety pin is unlikely to be a risk factor for anything major.

Children do stupid things. Between 8 and 14 is probably the worst age for doing idiotic stuff in the name of looking cool and "it seemed like a good idea at the time." If either of them were my kids they'd get a stern talking to, a reasonably harsh punishment and then move on. She didn't do it with any malice. He wanted his ear pierced and in her silly 11 year old mind, she knew how to do it so she did. He wasn't held down screaming while it was done against his will, this wasn't assault, it was two kids being numpties.

I would be a little concerned that their little gathering went unnoticed long enough for this silly fuckery to take place but realistically it doesn't take that long to do and at their age, you don't watch them every minute.

Uyulala · 04/06/2018 16:50

I'm a bit Hmm that nobody noticed it happening though

HollowTalk · 04/06/2018 16:51

Why on earth are people talking about HIV, ffs? The OP has said the girl used a safety pin! And "get to A&E or else it might be too late for anti-virals..." - honestly, get a bloody grip.

JamPasty · 04/06/2018 16:52

I think the issue is no one is sure what it was done with, or if the implement was used on anyone else beforehand.

Uyulala · 04/06/2018 16:52

@treeofhearts

Agree with this

KichenDancefloor · 04/06/2018 16:53

I also meant to say I think that A&E/ minor injuries clinic is a good idea for all reasons PPs have mentioned plus they may raise safeguarding issues with the school. I got asked a lot of questions about my DSs sports injury that he got at school including witnesses, first aid etc.

JamPasty · 04/06/2018 16:54

Why on earth are people talking about HIV, ffs? The OP has said the girl used a safety pin! And "get to A&E or else it might be too late for anti-virals..." - honestly, get a bloody grip.

Because it wasn't 100% clear what was used, and if it was a syringe needle, or if it was used on someone else immediately beforehand then yes, medical attention is urgently required.

JamPasty · 04/06/2018 16:55

and no where has anyone said "get to A&E or else it might be too late for anti-virals". I said IF they were needed, then time is a factor

FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast · 04/06/2018 16:55

oh come on, if it had been a 'syringe needle' I think the school might have noticed. anyway, the child said already that it was a safety pin.

Melfish · 04/06/2018 16:57

quertyuiopy and at my nice boarding school- quite common to see friends with new ear piercings after break. i think they used to use a piercing stud, tcp and ice. I was too much of a chicken to volunteer!

Sleepyblueocean · 04/06/2018 16:58

She won't be getting away with it and may well end up with a fixed term exclusion.
The biggest concern is the lack of supervision.

eddiemairswife · 04/06/2018 16:59

Hear, hear, treeofhearts one of the very few unhysterical comments.

JamPasty · 04/06/2018 16:59

School didn't appear to notice anything at all, so I wouldn't trust them on that. And yes, later posts did say it was a safety pin, but also that the boy wasn't totally sure. The risk is very minor, but with such serious potential outcomes, it is worth getting medical advice sooner rather than later

ForgivenessIsDivine · 04/06/2018 17:02

Poor boy, I would be horrified if that happened to DS.

It is highly unlikely that Hepatitis or HIV is involved... the blood was his, not the other persons and only a tiny proportion of the population carry these diseases.

I think I would be pushing along the lines of the fact that this was assault. The fact that he said he wanted to do it is neither here nor there... at the age of 8, he is unable to consent.

Speak to the governors..

kaytee87 · 04/06/2018 17:02

I don't think people are being hysterical about what happened. Kids can be daft. The issue is with the schools handing of it. Punishing the boy?

NotARegularPenguin · 04/06/2018 17:02

Well no, not if prophylactic antivirals are needed it can't. Hopefully they won't be

Actually I believe you have 72 hours to start them but it’s so unlikely they’d be needed. There’s horrible side effects to them and it’s not something which would be handed out unless there was a definite risk.....ie that the safety pin had previously been used on someone who was HIV positive.....which is very unlikely. Years ago I got a needle stick injury from an IV drug user and didn’t need anti virals. They hiv tested the other person and waited for the result to come back, which thankfully was negative.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 04/06/2018 17:04

Tbh I’d contact the police as she’s over the age of criminal responsibility

ohfourfoxache · 04/06/2018 17:06

I’d be furious. And I’d be demanding answers from the school with the governors cc’d in.

NotARegularPenguin · 04/06/2018 17:07

Tbh I’d contact the police as she’s over the age of criminal responsibility

So does this mean every piercer who pierces a child’s ears in Claire’s Accessories is guilty of ABH as you “can’t consent to ABH” as a previous poster said? Afaik it’s legal to pierce ears of someone under 16 as long as they agree to it (and OP said her ds asked for it to be done).

I agree the school ought to come down in the girl and give her a bollocking.

frasier · 04/06/2018 17:07

It is up to the medical professionals that the OP sees as to what treatment is necessary. Cleaning with hand gel by the school nurse, in a school where they are blaming an 8 year old victim ( whether he asked for it or not) is not enough.

kateandme · 04/06/2018 17:08

DO NOT WAIT A FEW DAYS you need to see a doctor now.i assume this wasn't a sterile piercing.that implement could be dirty.have other infections onto it.been used before for this!
when did he last get his tetness.if its not up to date it needs to happen right now.a few days is too late if they need tetness

ClaudiaWankleman · 04/06/2018 17:08

You have 72 hours to start PEP. The HIV virus also doesn’t survive very well outside the body so talk of anti virals is unnecessary. A safety pin that had been washed would be a pretty hostile environment.

Audree · 04/06/2018 17:09

This is absolutely the school’s fault.

Even if your ds was begging the girl to pierce his ear, an 11 yo should know better than taking a sharp object to another person’s body.

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