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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Over school incident? DS's(8) ear pierced by older girl

298 replies

upsideup · 04/06/2018 15:26

I've had to go and pick up DS (8, Y4) from school early today as he had his ear pierced at lunch by a year 6 girl.
The story that I've been told is that he said he wanted it done, she said she knows how to do and had done her friends before and so he ended up lying on the bench surrounded by her friends while she pierced it, DS says he was crying and screamed when she did it but the school reckons nobody heard this. He ended up getting blood on the school table, on his homework and a lot all down his shirt after lunch so had to tell the teacher.

It very much seemed that the school had decided that as DS was certain that he told her she could do it that she hadn't actually done anything wrong and DS is the one who misbehaved and is in big trouble. He has to redo his half term homework and has to stay in at lunch by himself for the rest of the week.
DS told me who did is but I think otherwise they were going to refuse to do so, I've met this girl as shes is in DD1's class so obviously I am going to ask dd if she knows anything about this when she gets home but as there have been party's and play dates with the girl before I know the power balance is definitely on her side. There was no mention of them dealing with the girl or her parents being informed just them making it very clear that DS said she could do it.

I am annoyed with DS, I don't know why he told her she could do it and he was really really stupid to let her but I know I would be a lot more annoyed if he (or dd1) had pierced someone elses ear at school especially a child 3 years younger than them.
That seems a lot more serious and inappropriate to me as at least with DS's actions he was the only one who go hurt. At 11 she is definitely old enough to know that this is not okay and if she doesn't then I think she needs to be taught so now.
I would want to know if my child had done this

So AIBU to want to question the punishment that the girl is getting or at least ask for confirmation that her parents are being informed?
And also maybe even question the playground supervision? I know this isn't the schools fault but it seems a bit odd that nobody noticed and of this.

OP posts:
BlooperReel · 04/06/2018 16:23

WTF do the school think it is fine to allow this girl to think piercing someones ear, is ok? Regardless of whether the child said yes, this is just ridiculous and you are right to be very very concerned.

Sleepyblueocean · 04/06/2018 16:25

Did they actually you there would be no consequences for her? They may not tell you what will happen but it would be highly unusual for a school to let something like this go.
I presume by consent they meant that he agreed to it so his punishment is for his involvement in it but I doubt she will be getting away with her part.

altiara · 04/06/2018 16:26

I would be furious!

Myotherusernameisbest · 04/06/2018 16:28

Jeez this is insane. The girl should most certainly take the brunt of this blame, she is 3 years older. Its not like your ds held a gun to her head and forced her to pierce his ear is it!

And I would most certainly want to know how this was being dealt with, I don't care what they should and shouldn't say, this is not a normal situation. A child made a hole in your ds during school play time. I mean, WTAF.

daffodillament · 04/06/2018 16:30

Bloody hell ! Don't let them get away with this. The girl should be held accountable and should be suspended at the very least ! This is totally inappropriate behaviour. Your poor DS ! Get the head and the governors involved and keep on until you are happy with the outcome. With treatment like this I would be considering a change of school too ! Keep us updated op.

qwertyuiopy · 04/06/2018 16:30

The girl needs punishing, or maybe MH treatment. If a 7 or 6 year old asked her to harm them would she do it? How young would she go? There is something wrong with her.

NightAndShiningArmour · 04/06/2018 16:31

What??? Is this a wind up??? The school is doing next to nothing?
There's usually plenty of PPs saying "get the police involved" for much more minor incidents of this... an 11 yr old, has deliberately injured an 8yr old. They've driven an object through a body part!

Tambien · 04/06/2018 16:32

Wow, i hope your ds is ok.
And YY about taking him to A&E. That was a really good idea!

When you are back and things are more settled for your ds, I think you need to have a chat with the school.
The age difference between them makes me uncomfortable and I certainly would have expected her to say NO to a child much younger than her (at that age, she will have seen him as a ‘baby’).
I’m also Shock at the idea that she has somehow already done it on another child and that the school didn’t hear anything nor did they realise what was going on until there was blood all over his homework. Where were the lunch supervisors???

It leaves me very uncomfortable I have to say. As if a child was say8ng to the other ‘come on! Punch me in the face!’ And if the other child did, then it would the victim fault because they asked for it. Not the fault of thenone who gave the punch because clearly they couldn’t ‘see’ this was wrong...

QueenUnicorn · 04/06/2018 16:35

8 and 11 are both very young. The girl should have known it was wrong but I know of a fair few children who have tried to do it to themselves so I don't think it's that far out there.

My main worry would be with the school and lack of supervision. That is unacceptable.

MsChanandlerBoing · 04/06/2018 16:37

I can’t even believe what I’ve been reading - of course you should be furious and the school is frankly being negligent.

In terms of whether to go to A&E I’m torn - it’s not an accident or an emergency but I think they’ll know what tests need to be done and be able to do them more readily than a GP can. As you don’t know what was used, how clean it was, if was used before and the health of the other kids (you genuinely never know) he will need to have blood tests done today and in about a month or so (at the GP) to make sure he hasn’t contracted any viruses. This might seem over the top but you really just don’t know - it could have been something she picked up from the floor.

The only reason I say A&E might be better is the GP may just look at the injury itself and nothing else.

Storminateapot · 04/06/2018 16:37

An older girl co-erced a boy 3 years younger into allowing her to cause him bodily harm and he's being blamed and punished because 'he asked for it'?? Have I got that right?

I think it's obvious what's wrong with this picture and I would not be at all happy with how it's been handled.

Uyulala · 04/06/2018 16:39

It was quite common to have your ears pierced by friends in secondary school when I was a teen, but primary school!? She should be in more trouble than your DS.

kaytee87 · 04/06/2018 16:41

@MsChanandlerBoing to be fair, it could be an emergency as there is a risk of serious infection (even if it's a small risk)

sweeneytoddsrazor · 04/06/2018 16:43

I think you need to know that the school is taking it seriously and the other child is being dealt with. I think going to the police is a total overreaction. The girl would not have looked on it as assault in the same way as punching somebody in the face. Piercing ears isn't actually illegal, so although I certainly don't agree with her doing it and am in no way minimising it, suggesting involving the already very over worked police is not imo the right thing to do.

NotARegularPenguin · 04/06/2018 16:44

A&e is a daft idea unless he’s in danger of bleeding to death. The GP will be able to say if any tests are needed and/or tetanus. It can wait until tomorrow.

ProudThrilledHappy · 04/06/2018 16:45

How on earth did they manage to do this without any staff spotting it? Do they not have playground supervisors who would notice a large crowd of children and one boy on the bench screaming??

qwertyuiopy · 04/06/2018 16:45

Uyulala Where did you go to school? Shock

KichenDancefloor · 04/06/2018 16:45

I have children the same age and sex as yours OP.

My DS is definitely daft enough to suggest something like this - but not go through with it.

My DD is far too sensible at 11 to pierce someone and would get an adult if she witnessed this in the playground. I can't imagine a situation where she would do this at all. At that age they know right from wrong.

If their school reacted in this way I would loose all trust in its care of my children. I hope the reaction you got was from one person and it was their individual (and IMO wrong) assessment. If the leadership team or safeguarding officer saw fit to punish your son for this I would have very serious concerns about their professional judgement and would raise it with the governors ASAP.

kaytee87 · 04/06/2018 16:45

@sweeneytoddsrazor nothing wrong with saying you're considering the police though. To force the school to get their act together.

frasier · 04/06/2018 16:46

The entire crowd watching need talking to also. They stood by and let it happen.

Uyulala · 04/06/2018 16:46

@qwertyuiopy

A school in Surrey rated Outstanding Grin We'd go down the park and do it though, not just in the school hallways. Plus we were older.

Apple23 · 04/06/2018 16:47

Are your children in a maintained primary school in the UK? Very few have a school nurse - are you sure the person who advised you has a medical qualification as opposed to being a first aider? Ring 111 or your doctor's surgery and get medical advice as to what to do.

Ask for a meeting with the headteacher - if you are likely to get upset, take someone with you who can take notes for you. School are not going to be able to tell you what punishment has been given, but they should be able to tell you how they are going to keep your son safe going forward.

It's possible that you were contacted by school today before the girl's parents were informed so the school did not have potential for both sets of parents meeting on the premises. If her parents do approach you about this, do not engage - tell them school is dealing with it. Depending on the time the incident was reported today, the school may not be able to investigate fully what happened until the mid-day staff are in work tomorrow.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 04/06/2018 16:47

@qwertyuiopy It happened at my secondary school as well.

Fruitcorner123 · 04/06/2018 16:47

I know you are at a & e and not reading at the moment but I would have the following questions of the school tomorrow.

  1. why was there not suitable supervision at lunch?
  2. what first aid treatment did he receive and why were you not advised about tetanus or any other potential risks?
  3. How is the girl being dealt with and what reassurances can they put in place to ensure she doesn't harm your son or any other children again?

My gut feeling is that they blamed your son so that you wouldn't go down the root of blaming the school/reporting to police etc. Your son was foolish for agreeing but a minor punishment would be appropriate, the girl needs a very serious punishment especially as she is 11

I would write to the governors and I would be meeting the head before I allowed my son back into the school.

I wouldn't trust your son saying be agreed to it. Could she have forced him and then out pressure on him to lie so she gets in less trouble, could she be bullying him? Also did he really know what it would entail?

ScarlettDarling · 04/06/2018 16:47

Op as a primary teacher I am stunned that the girl involved isn't being severely punished. Are you sure about this? I can't understand how her parents haven't been called in. This really should be taken very seriously.

Hope your son is ok.