Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Over school incident? DS's(8) ear pierced by older girl

298 replies

upsideup · 04/06/2018 15:26

I've had to go and pick up DS (8, Y4) from school early today as he had his ear pierced at lunch by a year 6 girl.
The story that I've been told is that he said he wanted it done, she said she knows how to do and had done her friends before and so he ended up lying on the bench surrounded by her friends while she pierced it, DS says he was crying and screamed when she did it but the school reckons nobody heard this. He ended up getting blood on the school table, on his homework and a lot all down his shirt after lunch so had to tell the teacher.

It very much seemed that the school had decided that as DS was certain that he told her she could do it that she hadn't actually done anything wrong and DS is the one who misbehaved and is in big trouble. He has to redo his half term homework and has to stay in at lunch by himself for the rest of the week.
DS told me who did is but I think otherwise they were going to refuse to do so, I've met this girl as shes is in DD1's class so obviously I am going to ask dd if she knows anything about this when she gets home but as there have been party's and play dates with the girl before I know the power balance is definitely on her side. There was no mention of them dealing with the girl or her parents being informed just them making it very clear that DS said she could do it.

I am annoyed with DS, I don't know why he told her she could do it and he was really really stupid to let her but I know I would be a lot more annoyed if he (or dd1) had pierced someone elses ear at school especially a child 3 years younger than them.
That seems a lot more serious and inappropriate to me as at least with DS's actions he was the only one who go hurt. At 11 she is definitely old enough to know that this is not okay and if she doesn't then I think she needs to be taught so now.
I would want to know if my child had done this

So AIBU to want to question the punishment that the girl is getting or at least ask for confirmation that her parents are being informed?
And also maybe even question the playground supervision? I know this isn't the schools fault but it seems a bit odd that nobody noticed and of this.

OP posts:
Pinktails · 04/06/2018 16:05

Thank God the girl hasn't got an interest in amputations.
And your poor boy went through having his ear pierced then
got a blocking from the school plus punishment? Mind boggled.

JennyOnAPlate · 04/06/2018 16:05

Fucking hell op I'd be absolutely furious.

The school's response is completely unacceptable. Find out what the complaints procedure is and follow it in the first instance.

What did she pierce his ear with? I agree that you need to get proper medical advice from a doctor.

Dontletthebastardsgrindyoudown · 04/06/2018 16:05

It absolutely warrants a trip to walk in clinic/drs/AandE and could well turn into an emergency.

I promise you Op this comes from someone who's had a fairly similar experience with a family member (although totally different scenario) time is key in this case to reducing the risk of infection.

Freshprincess · 04/06/2018 16:07

When DS was in primary school he asked another boy to pull out his wobbly tooth. School punished both of them. DS for being daft enough to suggest it, other boy for being equally as daft for doing it.

Kids do daft stuff. The girl should take as much if not more responsibility, because she’s older. Definitely pursue it, she’s hardly been deterred from doing it again

qwertyuiopy · 04/06/2018 16:07

What would you call it if not attacked? He is 8!

Even if he asked to have a safety pin shoved into him it was still an attack.

A child at a friend’s school stabbed another with a pencil. That was treated as an attacked.

HeedMove · 04/06/2018 16:08

Where did she get access to something to pierce his ear?

JamPasty · 04/06/2018 16:08

Well at least (can't believe I am typing this), she seems to have known to keep things clean. Better a safety pin than a used syringe needle! As someone above said, the risk is serious, but low. Ie definitely best to get it checked, but he'd have to be very unlucky to suffer anything from this beyond having a hole in his ear. Poor kid!

bonnyshide · 04/06/2018 16:08

Both children are equally to blame - very very silly behaviour.

OohMavis · 04/06/2018 16:09

I'd have concerns about HIV if he was stabbed with a used hypodermic needle or something. But a safety pin, not so much Confused

RatherBeRiding · 04/06/2018 16:09

If the school is really taking the line that your child is responsible for saying "Yes" (and as someone else said - at 8 he is legally too young to consent to what is in fact bodily assault) - then by the same totally skewed logic the girl is "old enough" NOT to assault someone just because the other child says it's OK.

I would want a face to face meeting with the Head, I would ask why they are not taking this more seriously, I would want to see the school's complaint policy and if the Head didn't promise stringent action and investigation (where in the name of all that is holy were the staff??) I would insist on referring the complaint to the governors and Ofstead. In fact, I think I'd be contacting Ofstead anyway.

Your child is not "at fault". These are children who may have been behaving foolishly but that is what kids do sometimes. I am sure you child, in "agreeing" to this, had absolutely no idea what was involved in an ear piercing.

As for the ear - GP appointment without a doubt. God knows what was used. And to repeat other posters - what was the girl doing with a needle or whatever the hell she used in school??

TheMythOfFingerprints · 04/06/2018 16:09

I would fight tooth and nail against a punishment for my child in this situation, I am raging on your behalf!

BarryTheKestrel · 04/06/2018 16:10

If he'd said she could break his nose, so she punched him in the face and broke it, would she also be getting away with no punishment? I'm pretty sure it would be in the same catagory. Just because someone says you can do something to them, doesn't mean you should and at 11 she should know better.

You need to follow this up with the school as the lack of supervision and action on this is ridiculous.

Also, get him for a booster shot and a test for hepatitis/HIV. You have no idea what she used to do it, where she found it, etc etc. It could just be a pin she found in the street on her way into school. Dangerous.

Cagliostro · 04/06/2018 16:11

wtf 😱 hope you get seen quickly and that he’s ok. Utterly appalling how the school are reacting I think

hayli · 04/06/2018 16:13

safety ?!! How is it ok that a child has access to some kind of needle in school? Op you need to bring this up with the school, it does not seem right at all.

kaytee87 · 04/06/2018 16:14

I'd remind the school that they are supposed to be keeping your child safe. Tell them he is too young to consent to having his ears pierced so he has been assaulted on their watch. Tell them you don't think it's appropriate that he is punished and you are considering asking the police to investigate this incident. Tell them you were advised to take him to A&E to investigate possible infection risk as you have no idea what was used to pierce his ear and whether it was clean or had possibly been used on other children too.
Ask them what they're going to do about your sons assault.

FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast · 04/06/2018 16:14

no , that IS quite bad.Shock

Surely she has also been in trouble over this?

kaytee87 · 04/06/2018 16:15

Do all of that in writing and tell them you look forward to their immediate response.
How dare they punish your son for this.

PippilottaLongstocking · 04/06/2018 16:16

It should be treated as if she’d stuck a sharp object through any other body part! Just because it’s the most common place people get pierced doesn’t mean it’s somehow less serious, she should definitely be punished. And I don’t agree with a previous poster that they are equally to blame, 8 is so very young still and children agree to silly things easily, she is definitely old enough to know better.

Irksomeness · 04/06/2018 16:16

I’m suprised people have suggested A and E. Surely kids get cuts all the time and they are often not ‘ clean’ cuts.

DinkyDaisy · 04/06/2018 16:16

Glad you are double checking re infection risk. Make sure the school know you have done this.
I think I would be wanting an appointment with the Head to discuss safety of children at the school. Mainly so they know they cannot minimise this. During that meeting, I would like to see all written records taken concerning the incident around your child.
I think with GDPR you are allowed to see that.
You would not be allowed to see records of incident naming the 11 year old.
Good luck.

Missingstreetlife · 04/06/2018 16:17

A&he or gp is good idea, there will be a record of the injury if you need it later.

Dahlietta · 04/06/2018 16:17

Hopefully they are dealing with the girl too and aren't telling you, but I wouldn't guarantee that. What they absolutely shouldn't do is punish your son AT ALL. For comparison purposes, when DS was in pre school a couple of his classmates cut a girl's hair at her suggestion and with her consent. The school went (a bit OTT for pre-schoolers...) absolutely mad at the hairdressers and not at all at the girl who wanted her hair cut.

squishy · 04/06/2018 16:18

Definitely - it may have been inadvisable for him to agree (and well done for his honesty) but she should have known better. TBH, I'd be livid if my Y6 DD came home with her ear pierced by a peer, so whilst the different age is a factor, in my mind, it's certainly not the main one.

I'd be furious, OP, I hope he's OK

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 04/06/2018 16:20

I’m suprised people have suggested A and E. Surely kids get cuts all the time and they are often not ‘ clean’ cuts.

But they don't often have the potential to be contaminated with the bodily fluids of person/s unknown.

helpmum2003 · 04/06/2018 16:23

Definitely A and E in case Hepatitis immunisation or HIV prophylaxis required. And I would go to police regarding assault unless school take it seriously.