To be fuming with XH after taking out DS to a posh long lunch the day before GCSEs

[Bouledeneige]

Just that really, DS has 8 GCSEs exams this week and three tomorrow. Staying at his Dad's this weekend who decides to take him and his sister and the new girlfriend and her kids to a really famous posh London restaurant - out at midday home 4.30pm. (A man not known for his generosity!.....)

What is he thinking? Its just seems really unfair to my son. DS wouldn't have enjoyed it that much, he's quite shy and socially awkward but clearly had no say in the matter. DD who is doing A levels went too. DS refused to do any further work when he came home to mine because his Dad made him get up early to do some.

I'm fuming.

I did ten lines of coke & shot heroin before my GCSEs and got 25 A*s all-the-same.

When I said my DDs were told not to do lots of revising I didn't mean they were told not to do any the day before the exam. But were told not to cram loads.
This was years ago. My 3 are now in their 20s and 30s. All 3 of them went to university and got degrees.

Whether cramming works depends entirely on the person and the subject. I think people need to stop projecting their revision strategies on other people.

For example, I am a horrible procrastinator. You wouldn't guess this from my array of grades on my CV because I am also a seriously skilled crammer, and I know it. Over the course of a week's last minute revision, I have previously proven that I can improve my performance by 2 to 3 grades in any GCSE subject that needs a lot of factual recall, such as the sciences. For that kind of subject, I would carry on revising up till the minute of the exam, or until I had memorised everything that could possibly come up, whichever came first. (I did very well indeed on that one!)

On the other hand, I'd take the day off beforehand for competency-based assessments, like GCSE English; while there was (and is) plenty of room for improvement in my English skills, my writing flaws weren't of the type to be fixed in a day.

What he doesn’t know the day before he isn’t suddenly going to know

this is so untrue.

I always did loads the day before, I could cram it, write it out in exam and then forget it. Not good for long term use, but great for passing exams.
I always got good results.
The whole - "they should have been revising for weeks and it should all be learnt"
well, they obviously have model teens. Mine on the other hand needed the last minute cramming. (as did I at their age)

I'm with you OP.
Paced revision all day, stop for a lunch and chat with family in the middle, not long restaurant 'occasion'

The May half term before my GCSEs my parents let me go to Ibiza with my friend and he family. Obviously I took some study materials but let’s face it, we hardly sat around all day swotting up.

I think being pissed off about a lunch is being very precious. Even if he got up at 9, he probably still had a few hours before the lunch to revise and could have done a few more in the evening. 6 hours revision would have been more than enough!

Has it annoyed you a lot because of the new GF and her children and the fact he is not often generous rather than the not revising for 4 hours??

It's a great idea, taking him out to relax and making a bit of a fuss of him before the exams. Surely he had done lots of revising beforehand? I don't see the problem.

I just believe GCSEs aren't that important, but I thoroughly 100% get where OP is coming from.

They won't have A levels when applying to universities though. Many universities will look at GCSE results when deciding whether to offer a place and it could also effect whether that person gets an unconditional offer etc.

Honestly except for continuing education (college and uni) not a single person had asked to see me certificates. I could just make it up and say I got 25 As*

My work place asks for certificates and has sacked people that lied on their CV.

My work place asks for certificates and has sacked people that lied on their CV

I couldn't even tell you where my certs are! I don't put my individual GCSE grades on my CV and i have a flawless interview record - my CV is always praised and nobody has ever mentioned them not being on there.

Its not just 4 hours as well it is c. 50% of what some deem the most valuable revision time. I can see why OP is pissed with out a doubt and I don't believe it anything other than the revision.

He was out from mid day til 4:30 . He revised before he went out and he could have revised when he got home but he didn't because he had already done some revision. I presume he didn't go to bed before 9 so he could have done at least 4 hours revision then. He didn't want to and OP didn't make him. Dad did make him revise before they went out. It was also Op who let him spend 4 entire days of half term doing no revision at all. So why exactly is Dad the bad guy?

Posters still persist im saying how nice, a treat, that its relaxing. Not for the ds though ffs.
The the pp who wrote she cant understand why he wouldnt enjoy it. Really you have got to adulthood without understanding that people like different things to you.

Lots of posters are looking at it like how would they feel being treated to a posh four hour lunch. If its something you like yes it will be relaxing.
But if you are awkward and anxious and this type of thing is your worse nightmare then no it wont be bloody relaxing.

My nephew is the same age, he is awkward and anxious too. This would stressed him out enormously. Having to sit for four hours in a formal resturant with people that he doesnt actually know would be like hell. It would affect him for days.
I get it, i feel the same.

Not everyone like things you like. You would have to pretty dense not to understand this.

We are also in the midst of some very pressurized exams here. Both dd and ds.

They start preparing weeks before. Ds isnt quite as organized as dd sure, but he has a planner and has been revising subject from about 2 weeks ago now. For days when there is more than one exam especially. He knew the timetable in advance, he knew what work was to be revised for today, why didnt he do it instead of playing PS during his half term?

And yes, a think a distraction from studying is a good thing. They need to get out of study mode for a bit, I dont see the harm in going out for a meal. He had from 4.30 until bed time to do the last minute cramming that he needed to.

So yes, I think you are BVU

I don't have teenagers so I may be missing something but he is 15/16 right? Isn't it his responsibility to revise? If he got up at 8am and didn't got to bed till 10pm then other than 4 hours for lunch he had 10 hours in which he could choose to revise? If he needs someone to make him revise he is going to struggle with a levels and university etc.
The best thing my parents ever did for me was when they let me fail my biology as level. I was so sure I knew it, I wanted to go out with my boyfriend etc so I didn't revise. I failed the exam. This gave me a massive kick up the backside and I now have a biology based degree from a decent university. Leaving the decisions up to me in regards to revising, sorting out options afterwards was the best thing my parents could have done.

Personally I don't think you're being unreasonable, but it depends on the child.

Oh dear OP - i fear this threa is not going the way you want it to.

I think you sound bitter about your exh taking them to a posh london restaurant - a man not know for his generosity, as you say. Did he not take you out the these sorts of places before? Is that part ofthe issue?

I think your son is old enough to say yes or no to a lunch, and it does sound like its ok that you let him take breaks, not study as and when, but when it comes to your exhusband, you expect more from him - this isnt fair. You know this though. He is also old enough to kow if he doesnt study - he will fail, if he so chooses this path, then perhaps you need to leave it up to him, there is only so much you can do, and i speak as a child who was pushed pushed and pushed to study, to cram the night before every exam. You say he is anxious - did you ask him if he wanted to go for the lunch? Or did you assume he would have hated it? Cramming depends on the child and the subject - its not for everyone.

Either way - i hope it went well today.

I have hidden the x box controller a few times, turned off internet, confiscated phone, wonderful how suddenly they commit to revision. some boys do have trouble concentrating two out of three of mine. We do not argue I just take the gadgets away.

What he doesn’t know the day before he isn’t suddenly going to know.

In both biology and English lit it was mostly the stuff my dd revised the night before the exam that came up in the questions, she was so happy to have done the last minute revision and has ensured she's done the same on all the exams.

It doesn't matter if 'cramming' works in some cases. The fact is that the only revision that was done took place at the dad's house, not the OP's.
Really OP , perhaps you should take a look at your own parenting, not your ex's.
Personally though, I agree with other posters that the final responsibility belongs to your son. He's old enough to know if he needs to revise or not, and to take the consequences of his decisions.

I couldn't even tell you where my certs are! I don't put my individual GCSE grades on my CV and i have a flawless interview record - my CV is always praised and nobody has ever mentioned them not being on there.

Presumably, you have higher qualifications then. They are only interested in GCSEs if that is the highest qualification and required for the job. If you had a degree or professional qualifications they would expect to see evidence of that instead. We did get rid of someone who couldn't come up with evidence of their GCSEs (they had no higher qualification)

yes, I put my degree and A level subjects (as they are relevant to the area I used to work in) and then 10 GCSE's Grades A-C including maths & English)

Dh, however works as a college/uni lecturer and has to detail his GCSE's on applications. In particular they want his maths and English grades.

What teenage boy doesn’t like food...no need to be particularly social, just eat.

I think YABU. Sounds like whatever your not known for his generosity ex, would’ve done or not done, would have been an excuse for you to be annoyed.