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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fuming with XH after taking out DS to a posh long lunch the day before GCSEs

235 replies

Bouledeneige · 03/06/2018 23:29

Just that really, DS has 8 GCSEs exams this week and three tomorrow. Staying at his Dad's this weekend who decides to take him and his sister and the new girlfriend and her kids to a really famous posh London restaurant - out at midday home 4.30pm. (A man not known for his generosity!.....)

What is he thinking? Its just seems really unfair to my son. DS wouldn't have enjoyed it that much, he's quite shy and socially awkward but clearly had no say in the matter. DD who is doing A levels went too. DS refused to do any further work when he came home to mine because his Dad made him get up early to do some.

I'm fuming.

OP posts:
AnnaT45 · 03/06/2018 23:58

Research finds cramming doesn't work. If you're pissed off he's unprepared then be cross with him. Five hours the day before won't help whereas organised gradual revision does.

You sound really stressed about the exams?

FASH84 · 03/06/2018 23:59

It was probably best for him to be away from your stress too, you don't have a very healthy approach to exams.

RoseanneBarred · 03/06/2018 23:59

DS1 is doing his GCSEs and also only has one exam tomorrow so I was also interested as to which three yours has.

I should think after 3 hours revision the break did him good. Is he predicted grades to get into wherever he wants to go next? If so, I would lay off a little - it's not the end of the world.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 03/06/2018 23:59

My DD has some GCSE exams this week as well. She is sitting history tomorrow. Today was my birthday and we also went out for lunch and then a stroll along the seafront. Saturday afternoon she was at a friends bbq. All advise regarding revision is to do it in chunks not for hours. It probably did him good to have some time out.

Fattymcfaterson · 04/06/2018 00:00

Why do you keep saying he was out with strangers? They're not strangers. It's his dad's partner and children

RailReplacementBusService · 04/06/2018 00:01

I’m with the OP actually. My personal view is that (for me at least) you should be revising right up until the door of the exam, for any exam which requires a significant amount of factual recall. 3 hours today is far too little I’m not suggesting 18 hour days here but I would have expected 7+ hours today

Thesearepearls · 04/06/2018 00:02

DS has A level Physics tomorrow morning. I was absolutely delighted when a friend called and said the boys were working too hard and we should take them out for dinner. Which we did tonight just to relieve the pressure. I thought it was good for them - DS hasn't been out of his room all week - he seems to be determined to set some kind of world record for doing past papers. Chill out, help the kids to chill out and just keep feeding them

RailReplacementBusService · 04/06/2018 00:03

I should add (at the risk of boasting) that I have done exceptionally well academically off that back of this approach.

Cheesenacho123 · 04/06/2018 00:04

He was home for tea time. It’s not like his dad kept him out beyond 10pm on a school night. I think it’s probably a good way to relax.

Also did he come to you and get upset over the fact his dad took him to a restaurant and he couldn’t revise or felt uncomfortable? Also he had plenty of the time in the evening to do revision he just didn’t want to, it’s up to him whether he does or doesn’t revise in the evening but that isn’t going to be affected by going out for a meal for a few hours.

kyrenialady · 04/06/2018 00:05

YABU, it has been half term this week. My DD has been mostly relaxing and spending time with friends.

She has been revising for months now, she needed a bit of down time and maybe your son did too.

They need a life outside of those bloody GCSE's.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 04/06/2018 00:06

@RailReplacementBusService he could still have done 7 1/2 hours revision. Get up at 8 do 4 hours come home at 4.30 do another 3 1/2.

SexyManatee · 04/06/2018 00:06

I went to a Spice Girls concert the day before my Geography GCSE and I got full marks still proud

Having a nice lunch seems a great way to relax before a stressful week begins. YABU.

Original poster
Bouledeneige · 04/06/2018 00:07

I am often doing lots of kind and supportive things for my kids - taking them out and helping them relax before exams etc. I am definitely one of the more relaxed parents round here for exams! But I dont think its very good timing to go and have to do something formal and posh the day before exams - I think it can cause more anxiety if you are pushed to do things you dont want to do the day before a stressful week. DS's idea of a relaxing break would be go for a pizza or burger... and not for the whole afternoon. And he gets the choice what he wants to do. I'm really not exaggerating when I say it wouldn't be DSs idea of fun or relaxation. And actually my friends and I with kids doing A levels and GCSEs at the moment wouldn't organise big social things at the moment.

There is plenty of time for doing all these things after the exams - for the whole summer in fact and I have no problem with that at all.

Thanks anyway Irksomeness for the solidarity. Maybe some of the rest of you should read the GCSE board to see the level of involvement some parents have with revision and exams. I'm positively horizontal by comparison.

OP posts:
Rachie1973 · 04/06/2018 00:08

My daughter has 2 tomorrow. She spent the day with her friend, then we all went out for carvery this evening.

She feels relaxed and ready for the week ahead.

You're massively over reacting.

Thesearepearls · 04/06/2018 00:08

I doubt that you did better than my DS Rail! With kids that are hard working the name of the game is to get them to chill.

Actually the same is true for kids that are not super clever or hard working. With DD who couldn't be bribed bludgeoned or blackmailed to hit the books, a dinner or lunch the day before would have made no difference.

So all in all, you definitely need to relax OP.

RoseanneBarred · 04/06/2018 00:09

7+ hours of revision the day before an exam is lunacy.

Let them have a life outside school Confused

Thorsday · 04/06/2018 00:09

Have you asked him if he enjoyed it?

kaitlinktm · 04/06/2018 00:10

It's a pity he couldn't have saved this "treat" until after the kids had finished their exams - they would surely have enjoyed it more then.

Rachie1973 · 04/06/2018 00:10

I'm really not exaggerating when I say it wouldn't be DSs idea of fun or relaxation

You keep saying that. 'It wouldn't be his idea of fun'. Never 'he said it wasn't fun'. So you're actually telling us that YOU think he wouldn't have enjoyed it, when he's said no such thing.

Cheesenacho123 · 04/06/2018 00:11

The person I work with on a Sunday has an A level exam tomorrow and revised today then came to work 5.30pm-11pm. I don’t think her parents are going to be fuming she had to work up until the 12hrs before her exam. If she fails that exam her whole career ahead of her and chance at Uni goes down the drain.

Ohmydayslove · 04/06/2018 00:12

I think this is more to do with you dh uncharacteristically splashing out on his Gf and her kids rather than your worry over your ds.

Otherwise is doesnt make sense.

Did your ds tell you he didn’t enjoy it?

Bibesia · 04/06/2018 00:13

What you dc don’t know today, they’ll never know,

This is self-evidently nonsense. Why would someone forget something that they'd revised only the day before? I write as someone who got a 2.1 in one particular exam subject I hated principally as a result of having revised one of the topics that came up the morning of the exam.

That said, I don't understand OP's issue. Her son got up early; most people are awake for at least 16 hours a day. Taking out 5 hours for this lunch plus, say, a further two hours for other meals and coming back home, that still leaves him with 9 hours for revising. It's not the ex's fault that he refused to do any more when he got home.

whathaveiforgottentoday · 04/06/2018 00:13

I would have been very anxious being taken out the day before, even for a few hours. I wouldn't have been able to relax and would have felt it intrusive on my revision schedule. Plenty of time to relax after the exams!

ScipioAfricanus · 04/06/2018 00:13

It depends on the child as to whether it’s a good idea or not. I’ve known a lot of lazy/procrastinating ones who would benefit hugely from working just before the exam (I include myself as a procrastinator here). On the other hand some push themselves too much and need a break for the info to sink in and to stop themselves going panicky. So I think it would depend on what your DS is like generally and perhaps this was a long break in the weekend before a lot of exams.

They need to let off steam during the exams and I’ve certainly gone out to the cinema during Finals, for example, but I would say ideally this is more like an hour kicking a football about rather then five hours of dining (which as you say isn’t exactly that much fun for the child anyway so may not feel like a break to him). However it’s done now, so I think you should move on rather than get riled up and try to be a calm and encouraging presence (much easier said than done as state exams are very stressful for the whole family).

pinkpepperrose · 04/06/2018 00:14

Sounds more like an issue with XHs treating DS, new girlfriend and her kids to a "posh" meal than anything else...