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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be fuming with XH after taking out DS to a posh long lunch the day before GCSEs

235 replies

Bouledeneige · 03/06/2018 23:29

Just that really, DS has 8 GCSEs exams this week and three tomorrow. Staying at his Dad's this weekend who decides to take him and his sister and the new girlfriend and her kids to a really famous posh London restaurant - out at midday home 4.30pm. (A man not known for his generosity!.....)

What is he thinking? Its just seems really unfair to my son. DS wouldn't have enjoyed it that much, he's quite shy and socially awkward but clearly had no say in the matter. DD who is doing A levels went too. DS refused to do any further work when he came home to mine because his Dad made him get up early to do some.

I'm fuming.

OP posts:
ThistleAmore · 04/06/2018 02:23

Cramming is pointless (and I say this as somebody with an eidetic memory who was/is good at exams). If you don't know or understand something 24 hours before a test, you're not going to learn it in that time.

Don't see the problem here: get up, do some light revision/skim-reading, eat well at midday, have an early night.

BoomBoomsCousin · 04/06/2018 03:08

Day before the exam it should have been his choice as to whether he went or not. The problem isn't with the trip out per se, it's with whether he was given the ability to control his time before his big day or whether he was put under stress to do something different.

If he's refusing to revise this evening it doesn't sound like he's that bothered about missing revising time, though.

emmyrose2000 · 04/06/2018 03:27

This has nothing to do with DS's studying, or lack thereof, and everything to do with your feelings towards your Ex.

snewname · 04/06/2018 03:41

On with you op. It was a stupid thing to do before one exam, let alone three.

snewname · 04/06/2018 03:41

I'm

snewname · 04/06/2018 03:43

Cramming isn't pointless for some people. The last 24 hours got me all my top grades. Some people thrive under the last minute pressure.

Herewegoagainagain · 04/06/2018 04:40

I understand OP. That kind of event can be a bit full on and tiring. I always did last-minute revising before exams and would have preferred quiet time at home. Everyone is different though

Zoflorabore · 04/06/2018 04:53

Not proud of this but the night before my French GCSE my older friend had the house to herself as parents were away and we raided the drinks cabinet.

I was drinking whisky and didn't realise just how strong it was....

Got up for school the next day, sat exam and it turned out to be the one I did best.
There were 2 of us that got an A* in the whole GCSE French group.

I say this now and laugh about it but can you imagine my poor parents when I appeared home in that state the night before my exam? French was my strongest subject and they thought I had blew it.
Was a very nervous wait for resultsBiscuit

I think the real issue here is the famous posh London restaurant.
Would it be such an issue if they had gone to Nando's?

Zoflorabore · 04/06/2018 04:54

Sorry for the random jammy dodger.

mathanxiety · 04/06/2018 05:37

I can see where you're coming from, OP.

Your exH prioritises the new relationship over DD and DS's needs - they tag along to the restaurant if that is his plan, or he leaves for the day and DS feels like an afterthought. DD is tired of obviously taking second place.

On top of all that, DS needs a bit of a BBQ fork to the butt to keep him focused. He isn't a very motivated student. You are tuned in to him in a way that your exH isn't. You are aware of how little he has studied. exH maybe doesn't know, maybe doesn't care, maybe is so occupied with the new relationship that it's immaterial to him.

It's a bad situation to be in on both counts. You can't make exH put DS first. You can't make DS put his studies first.

Can DS opt out of visiting with his father at all? Does he want to?

Pengggwn · 04/06/2018 05:48

I'm with you, OP. Lunch - great. 5 hours the day before 3 exams? Bit daft, isn't it.

aeromint · 04/06/2018 06:09

I was a nervous, unsure performer at school (not that long ago!) and to me, it was vital to have the day before my exams to myself, if not to revise, at least to relax. A 5 hour lunch with or without my family, where I was expected to chat, would have shot my concentration and focus to hell and made me very cranky.

YANBU, OP, but only IF your child is visibly upset by this lunch.

Fintress · 04/06/2018 06:28

if you need to study for 7+ hours for a GCSE exam the next day, you'd be screwed for a levels, degree and above.

I agree with this. OP you said your son is not a good reviser and spent time playing on a PS4 rather than studying, why did you allow that? And what has the restaurant being 'posh' got to do with anything?

Bettyfood · 04/06/2018 06:29

Sounds lovely. Better to relax then do last minute cramming.

Pengggwn · 04/06/2018 06:32

Whether or not the OP's son should have been ready for his exams weeks ago and just 'chilling' the day before, he isn't ready. He has three exams today, not one. He really should have spent some of that time working.

samueledotericson · 04/06/2018 06:36

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intuition · 04/06/2018 06:37

Think you need to chill. They are HIS exams and HE should have done enough work!!

Sounds like he should have had a nice few hours out.

Hellooojackie · 04/06/2018 06:38

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user546425732 · 04/06/2018 06:39

What a lovely thing to do, it's good to have a treat and a rest before exams.

samueledotericson · 04/06/2018 06:42

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PlumsGalore · 04/06/2018 06:47

Honestly, IMO a free day before the exam is to good to clear your head, chill and be calm for the experience.

Also in a few years you won't even remember what GCSEs he got.

Why are you not concerned about his sister who is doing ALevels?

BarbaraWarpecker · 04/06/2018 06:49

My DC 1 also doing GCSEs.
He's in a terrible state ( self harm) because his g/f is losing interest. He suffers from anxiety (CAMHS) and, with all this going on ,has zero interest in his exams.
I would dance with joy if he had done 3 hour's revision on ANY day over the last 6 weeks . I would love his father to take him out for lunch but he is dead.
See how YABU to be fuming. Mildly vexed, perhaps.

MyOtherUsernameisaPun · 04/06/2018 06:50

I think if he's a bad reviser then one afternoon would really have been of limited benefit. Cramming is a poor way to revise, unlikely to stick even til tomorrow - and 4 hours is too little time to cram even a small amount of information. By the day before his fate is already sealed really!

That said, I do agree that it wasn't fair of your exh to take him somewhere posh where he would feel awkward and uncomfortable. If your exh wanted to treat him and help him relax he should have let your DS choose the activity.

Peterrabbitscarrots · 04/06/2018 06:50

I always arrange a treat for my DS before exams to help him unwind. When he was doing his 11 plus, even the school arranged a trip to the local planetarium the day before! If they need to study the day before a test, then they are not well enough prepared for it.

FallenSky · 04/06/2018 07:01

What has your DS said about today? Is he upset about it?
Why didn't he revise when he got home?
Why did you allow him to play his ps4 for 4 days instead of revising?
Why do you keep emphasising "posh" restaurant?