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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be fuming with XH after taking out DS to a posh long lunch the day before GCSEs

235 replies

Bouledeneige · 03/06/2018 23:29

Just that really, DS has 8 GCSEs exams this week and three tomorrow. Staying at his Dad's this weekend who decides to take him and his sister and the new girlfriend and her kids to a really famous posh London restaurant - out at midday home 4.30pm. (A man not known for his generosity!.....)

What is he thinking? Its just seems really unfair to my son. DS wouldn't have enjoyed it that much, he's quite shy and socially awkward but clearly had no say in the matter. DD who is doing A levels went too. DS refused to do any further work when he came home to mine because his Dad made him get up early to do some.

I'm fuming.

OP posts:
Dungeondragon15 · 04/06/2018 07:05

I agree with you to some extent OP as it does sound as if he should have been encouraged to do more revision rather than taken out for hours. However, it doesn't sound like he does much revision in a day anyway and the fact that he didn't revise when he got home suugests he didn't feel pressured by the meal out. At least his dad got him up early to do some revision.

I strongly disagree with all the posters who say that last minute revision is too late, or that 7 and half hours is too much though. I am sure that it very much depends on the person but I certainly crammed and did very well on o levels, A levels and degree. DD didn't cram as much by I don't think she would have been at all happy to go out for 4 or 5 hours the day before an exam.

Dungeondragon15 · 04/06/2018 07:06

Just noticed that he had four days off revision during half term. WTF? At least he did some revision at his dads!

Dungeondragon15 · 04/06/2018 07:08

Cramming is a poor way to revise, unlikely to stick even til tomorrow - and 4 hours is too little time to cram even a small amount of information. By the day before his fate is already sealed really!

That may be true for you but certainly not everyone. I crammed in loads just before exams.

Dungeondragon15 · 04/06/2018 07:10

if you need to study for 7+ hours for a GCSE exam the next day, you'd be screwed for a levels, degree and above.

Not true at all!

BalloonSlayer · 04/06/2018 07:11

This thread has it all ! Grin

We have:

  • the "my DC hasn't got three exams tomorrow. Despite the fact that I know my DC had to choose their options, meaning that I know there are clearly subjects they chose NOT to take, and despite the fact that there are three different exam boards, if my DC isn't taking an exam tomorrow then there are NO exams tomorrow for anyone, no exams tomorrow even EXIST and you must be a LIAR" posters
  • the "no one with even half a brain needs to revise the day before an exam, no one in the history of the universe ever found it helpful to go over stuff the day before unless they were terminally thick" brigade.

any more?

HRTpatch · 04/06/2018 07:18

I'm intrigued by which "posh restaurant" it was. The Ivy?
Quite what "posh" ( horrible word) has to do with it I have no idea.

PrettyLovely · 04/06/2018 07:22

You sound like a control freak he revised this morning and went out for a meal, If your son hasnt been great at revising then the day before is the wrong time to start loosing your head about it, the weeks/months before would have made more sense.
I also think you have control issues regarding your ex, he can do what he likes in his own time, He got him to to revise in the morning and took him out to a nice place to eat, which is more than what you have done considering he refused to revise in the evening.

noeffingidea · 04/06/2018 07:27

It sounds as if his dad is better at getting him to revise than you are, OP.
Maybe his dad should be 'fuming' with you, eh?

Pengggwn · 04/06/2018 07:27

Cramming works. It doesn't work as well as structured revision but it's better than not revising at all.

yy558 · 04/06/2018 07:29

YABU i think maybe he felt more productive after being relaxed? Especially if his dad already made that point by making him do some revision.

Thinking back - I was so stressed doing my exams and sometimes it helped when my mum took us out for dinner (yes, nandos at the time) because it prevents tunnel vision.

Wishesdocometrue · 04/06/2018 07:31

Really stretching to find something to be annoyed with your ex about there!

Dungeondragon15 · 04/06/2018 07:32

Cramming works. It doesn't work as well as structured revision but it's better than not revising at all.

It doesn't have to be either or though. You can do structured revision and then cram in as much as possible the day before. It depends on the person but the suggestion by some posters that "relaxing" the day before an exam is a good idea seems bizarre to me.

GinIsIn · 04/06/2018 07:35

It sounds more like the issue is with your ex having money for a fancy restaurant and taking a new girlfriend. You were happy enough for DS not to revise on your watch.....

You are furious he took him out to lunch but the other week you were furious he left him at home to revise. Ok then.

Also, cramming really isn’t an effective technique for revision.

AlexanderHamilton · 04/06/2018 07:36

*BalloonSlayer

This thread has it all ! grin

We have:

  • the "my DC hasn't got three exams tomorrow. Despite the fact that I know my DC had to choose their options, meaning that I know there are clearly subjects they chose NOT to take, and despite the fact that there are three different exam boards, if my DC isn't taking an exam tomorrow then there are NO exams tomorrow for anyone, no exams tomorrow even EXIST and you must be a LIAR" posters*

There’s no way he’s doing 3 exams tomorrow unless he’s choosing a very unusual combination.

History is tomorrow morning. In the afternoon it’s Bengali, Chinese, Classics, Engineering, Media Studies or Psychology.

Dd is in the middle of her GCSE’s. After two intense weeks of exams she needed some down time so as not to burn out. She had a couple of days off completely them did a couple of hours revision a day.

On Saturday I took her out shopping for the day. Yesterday we went out for a family lunch then she did an hour or so revision in the afternoon.

Pengggwn · 04/06/2018 07:36

Dungeondragon15

Of course you can do both. I would always suggest not cramming the night before if you're well-prepared, but a whole day of relaxing when you have three exams the next day is insanity.

adaline · 04/06/2018 07:37

Why didn't you get him to revise when he got home then? According to your post he did a few hours in the morning and then went out for lunch - sounds fine to me?

Surely what happened afterwards was your responsibility.

AlexanderHamilton · 04/06/2018 07:38

Dd did badly (for her she thinks) in her first exam because she tried cramming (afternoon exam revised that morning). It stressed her & she had a mindblock).

She thinks she did better in her other s because she changed revision strategy.

SilverySurfer · 04/06/2018 07:39

I'm having difficulty understanding why it's ok for your DS to have done no revision for four DAYS whilst with you but it's not ok for him to have done none for four HOURS whilst being taken out for a lovely lunch by his father? I think you fuming has nothing to do with him revising at all but more to do with your feelings about your Ex.

MaisyPops · 04/06/2018 07:41

He's had 2 years of study and it's the end of half term.Has he used all that time effectively? Clearly not.

But suddenly the responsibility for his lack of revision is now his Dad's issue because Dad took him out for the day?

I explicitly tell my students to have some down time before exams. If they are well prepared then there's no reason to panic. If they don't know enough now, there's no massive gains which can be made. A short brush over material they lack confidence in for reassurancr is on one thing. Actually trying to learn lots and sort exam technique? Too late for that.

FuckPants · 04/06/2018 07:41

You sound very bitter OP.

Why was it okay for your son when he was with you to spend a few days gaming but when he's with his father he can't go out for a meal? Hmm

BlueJava · 04/06/2018 07:42

Look on the bright side OP, he could have been playing Fort Nite! :)

kaytee87 · 04/06/2018 07:42

So your ex got him to study for 3 hours then took him out for lunch. You couldn't get him to study at all in the evening and somehow that's your exes fault?
Should your ex be annoyed at you for allowing your son to spend 4 days playing computer games instead of studying?
The problem here is you're jealous that your ex is taking his gf to a posh restaurant.

Kidssendingmenuts · 04/06/2018 07:42

You sound a little bit jealous in all honesty! Surely a 4 hr break would be good for him to relax. He has to eat at some point.

Dungeondragon15 · 04/06/2018 07:43

Dd did badly (for her she thinks) in her first exam because she tried cramming (afternoon exam revised that morning). It stressed her & she had a mindblock).

I agree that it isn't a good idea to cram the morning before (although would do a couple of hours) but I think the day before and then a good nights sleep is fine.

Rachie1973 · 04/06/2018 07:43

There’s no way he’s doing 3 exams tomorrow unless he’s choosing a very unusual combination.

Statistics is tomorrow afternoon as well. Its 2 x 1hr exams butted up together, so really 2 modules for 1 subject over 2 hours. Not really the dramatic '3 exams' flounce since many of the exams are 2hours long

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