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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fuming with XH after taking out DS to a posh long lunch the day before GCSEs

235 replies

Bouledeneige · 03/06/2018 23:29

Just that really, DS has 8 GCSEs exams this week and three tomorrow. Staying at his Dad's this weekend who decides to take him and his sister and the new girlfriend and her kids to a really famous posh London restaurant - out at midday home 4.30pm. (A man not known for his generosity!.....)

What is he thinking? Its just seems really unfair to my son. DS wouldn't have enjoyed it that much, he's quite shy and socially awkward but clearly had no say in the matter. DD who is doing A levels went too. DS refused to do any further work when he came home to mine because his Dad made him get up early to do some.

I'm fuming.

OP posts:
StayingAtTamaras · 04/06/2018 00:15

You asked if you were BU, people say you are and you're just arguing with all of them.. I don't know why people bother posting on this board.

FASH84 · 04/06/2018 00:16

@RailReplacementBusService if you need to study for 7+ hours for a GCSE exam the next day, you'd be screwed for a levels, degree and above.

FASH84 · 04/06/2018 00:17

@RailReplacementBusService not to boast but I did exceptionally well without the need to cram.

Boredandtired · 04/06/2018 00:18

YABU one of mine is doing GCSE's and has one tomorrow. I would be perfectly happy for her to have a long break and be treated. I can't believe anyone would be so harsh on their child and complain about this. What a lovely thing to do. You should thank XH for treating them when they are having such a stressful time and not waste your energy winding yourself up about something that's nothing to do with you. They are his kids too and it's their exams not yours.

CristalTipps · 04/06/2018 00:19

It sounds like he's not a fan of studying all day anyway, if he refused to study when he came home as he'd studied in the morning.

I understand you'd prefer that he got to set his own schedule, but it's done now and one lunch is not going to sabotage his exams.

CristalTipps · 04/06/2018 00:20

You should thank XH for treating them when they are having such a stressful time

Wait a sec - thank him for feeding his children? I bet the ex husband doesn't call her with thanks when she treats them to something...

welshmist · 04/06/2018 00:20

OP I do hope you are keeping your opinion to yourself and not burdening your son and daughter with it. They really do not need that stress.

TrippingTheVelvet · 04/06/2018 00:22

Your posts reek of bitterness and jealousy.

siwel123 · 04/06/2018 00:24

YABU.
If your son hasn't revised enough who's fault is that? His.
His dad was being thoughtful and trying to relax him and give him a break from revision.

Chill out.

siwel123 · 04/06/2018 00:25

He didn't just feed he treat him to a very nice lunch out. Feeding is making him beans on toast or telling him to make himself something Hmm

Thesearepearls · 04/06/2018 00:25

The OP is grumpy. She states she is grumpy because her kids went out to lunch at a posh restaurant. I'd be positively cheery at the prospect of someone taking my monsters out to a lovely posh restaurant for lunch.

The stated objection to said posh lunch is that it is too close to GSCEs. Many people have posted that a break is good. The OP isn't listening because she is determined to be grumpy.

Is that a fair summary?

redfairy · 04/06/2018 00:25

I think a leisurely lunch with dad sounds like a great way to spend quality time mid GCSEs. I just wish my EX had done such a lovely thing for my DD (she has History tomorrow) Good luck to your son for the remainder of his exams.

Boredandtired · 04/06/2018 00:26

@cristaltipps lol feeding them is one thing, taking them out for a lovely lunch sounds like it's not a regular and a lovely thing for them to do. I'd be happy if my kids got treated! Grin

Original poster
Bouledeneige · 04/06/2018 00:27

He is not a great reviser - a big procrastinator and hasn't really worked that hard. He took at least 4 days off for half term - mainly doing PS4 and struggled to bother till Thursday/Friday to do any work. He could have done with some concentrated time over the weekend to cram and memorise.

I think a supportive parent would encourage him to work and then give him the right to choose to do what he wanted to do as downtime. When I gave him the choice for some time off he wanted to go to chinatown together for the morning for dim sum which we did. Another time he chose McDonalds drive in. Another time crazy golf.

Maybe I am being unreasonable. Last time he went to his Dads he was very depressed when i picked him up because his Dad went out all day Saturday and Sunday and left him in the flat alone to revise. He was pretty miserable. DD doesnt go anymore.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 04/06/2018 00:30

It's not as if he took him drinking and clubbing.

Ohmydayslove · 04/06/2018 00:32

I am confused.

So your dh was upset because dad went out and left him to revise and you are upset because dad took him out and he didn’t revise?

Dad can’t really win here can he

Wheresthebeach · 04/06/2018 00:32

You're being unreasonable and determined to view something nice, as awful. The issue isn't lunch, the issue is your anger with your Ex.

siwel123 · 04/06/2018 00:34

Ok quite frankly you're being horrible.

He was given time to revise and chose not to. On your watch as well I presume?
Yes he could have crammed today but he could have revised on those 4 days as well Hmm.

Why is it ok for you to treat him and let him jot revise but not his dad? Add all the hours he didn't revise doing fun stuff with you compared to his dad.

Ariela · 04/06/2018 00:34

Since you weren't told beforehand, and neither I presume was your son, otherwise he'd have told you beforehand, I'm surprised your son had time to be stressed to be going out to lunch

Original poster
Bouledeneige · 04/06/2018 00:36

I said nothing to either DS or DD or XH.

OP posts:
sweeneytoddsrazor · 04/06/2018 00:37

He took at least 4 days off for half term - mainly doing PS4 and struggled to bother till Thursday/Friday to do any work. He could have done with some concentrated time over the weekend to cram and memorise.

So you were happy for him to have down time when he was with you? Why didn't you make him revise on some of those days? And then you say he was depressed when his Dad went out and left him revising. Sounds like Dad can't win either way.

Nicknacky · 04/06/2018 00:38

Maybe his dad didn't want to let him dictate where everyone went for lunch. Especially if McDonald's might be the chosen place.

It was a lunch for everyone, not just him. It's a wee lesson to him that he has to consider the wants of others.

Oswin · 04/06/2018 00:38

Ohmydays well actually fucking off for the day to get pissed and taking your kid out for a long lunch that he isnt gonna enjoy the day before example, are not the only parenting choices.
Maybe he should ask his child how he would like to spend their time together?

Ohmydayslove · 04/06/2018 00:39

I think you know yabu op. About this issue you are anyway

sweeneytoddsrazor · 04/06/2018 00:40

@Oswin where does it say he fucked off to get pissed?

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