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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be fuming with XH after taking out DS to a posh long lunch the day before GCSEs

235 replies

Bouledeneige · 03/06/2018 23:29

Just that really, DS has 8 GCSEs exams this week and three tomorrow. Staying at his Dad's this weekend who decides to take him and his sister and the new girlfriend and her kids to a really famous posh London restaurant - out at midday home 4.30pm. (A man not known for his generosity!.....)

What is he thinking? Its just seems really unfair to my son. DS wouldn't have enjoyed it that much, he's quite shy and socially awkward but clearly had no say in the matter. DD who is doing A levels went too. DS refused to do any further work when he came home to mine because his Dad made him get up early to do some.

I'm fuming.

OP posts:
Oswin · 04/06/2018 00:41

Why shouldnt he be allowed to dictate what they do just for this time. When he needs to not be agitated. Just before exams is not the time for fucking life lessons.

Nicknacky · 04/06/2018 00:42

Well the daughter is doing exams too, so she can't dictate it either, can she?

siwel123 · 04/06/2018 00:43

Ok the general gist so you're being hypocritical.
You take him out for so many treats and let him jot revise etc.
His dad does and he is the devil.

Get over yourself.

Oswin · 04/06/2018 00:43

Oh sorry i got the post after blurred into one.
He still left his kid, all day each day when he stayed for a weekend. Hes a shit parent. Who does that. The only time you see your kid and you fuck off out.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 04/06/2018 00:44

A couple of hours at a meal with his Dad his sister and a couple of others isn't going to agitate him so much it buggers up his exam.

Ohmydayslove · 04/06/2018 00:44

oswin

I think you may be the pissed one here. Your post is quite strange. No one mentioned ‘getting pissed’ unless I missed that.

Plumsofwrath · 04/06/2018 00:44

I can’t believe all these people talking about relaxing and downtime and chilling - the day before 3 GCSE exams! Surely the time for all that is after the exams, during the summer holidays?! The time right before exams is for.....preparing for exams! No point doing it the other way round!

To me it sounds like the DH had his plans with his gf and her children and didn’t take into account that his children had more pressing concerns than being sidekicks to him being impressive. It’s selfish behaviour. The time for swanky lunches is not when DC are supposed to be focusing on one thing and one thing only: the one shot they get at doing well at these exams.

Original poster
Bouledeneige · 04/06/2018 00:44

My DS was entitled to be upset that he went to stay for the weekend with his Dad and he wasn't there when he could have stayed home and had some company and support. My DS is a good guy and I dont see how thats unfair on his Dad. The opposite to that was to be there for him and ask him what he wanted to do and support him get through a stressy period. It seriously would not have entered my XH's head whether the DC wanted to do that today.

I see I cant win. I wouldn't arrange something like for him the day before an exam and you guys would. Fine. I wouldn't impose that - I'd let him choose how he got to take time out and relax.

If you think thats horrible so be it. I'm a good, kind mum. And my DS is a good kid.

OP posts:
JoffreyBaratheon · 04/06/2018 00:45

Mine is also in the midst of GCSEs and has one tomorrow. He worked a bit this morning then went out and played footie with his mates (also mid GCSEs) all afternoon. The whole Back To The 1950s Sitting Exams thing is totally ridiculous. I'd rather he had a life.

I'm off to his older brother's fancy art exhibition tomorrow at his uni where he has just finished the degree he knows he has passed. He left school with no GCSEs. Not even sure it matters.

Oswin · 04/06/2018 00:47

Im sensing neither of the dc got asked where they would like to go, this sounds like one big look at me session from him.
If you know your son would feel really awkward and not enjoy this, would you make them do it for four hours.

All the posters saying oh relax he needs time to chill. Yeah he does. Doing something that he would actually enjoy.
Not to be dragged alone to a selfish parents day out.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 04/06/2018 00:48

I don't think you are BU OP. We turned down a family birthday lunch for exactly this reason.
if his GCSE's finish in mid June why couldn't your ex have taken him out for this after the exams. Its only another two weeks and he could properly relax and enjoy himself then.
My DC likes a lie in and gets tired around tea time so 12-4 are prime revision hours. Also has one or two exams a day next week and would feel more uncomfortable and anxious and not less, if they had to go out to a lunch
Having said all that, your DC has been working away for two years, so hopefully it will be OK, wishing them the very best of luck.

Nicknacky · 04/06/2018 00:48

I don't particularly ask my kids where they want to go when we go eat but I will go places I think they will enjoy. He might have thought his kids would like it and the op hasn't said they haven't.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 04/06/2018 00:51

I'm a good, kind mum. And my DS is a good kid.

Both these statements may well be true but you are totally unfair to blame his Dad taking him out for a few hours when you let him go 4 days without revising. His dad made him revise this morning, you did not make him revise this evening.

Oswin · 04/06/2018 00:51

Oh my days, nah love, not pissed just have one working eye at the moment which is very tired and blurred.The posters underneath Op had mentioned drinking.

MrsCD67 · 04/06/2018 00:52

YABU GCSEs really aren't the be all and end all unless you're oxbridge standard or wanting to go into medicine. It sounds like you're more upset that your ex is taking him out rather than him actually missing revision time

Ohmydayslove · 04/06/2018 00:52

I don’t think anyone is saying you are not a good kind mum in any way op.

You parent your way and your dh parents another but honestly a few hours over a lunch won’t make much difference to his results. Presumably your ds can now choose to go to see his dad or not at his age so it will be out of your hands soon.

I hope he does well Smile

siwel123 · 04/06/2018 00:54

YABU.
Again yes he took him out before his exams.
What did you do...

  1. Not make him revise for 4 days.
  2. Took him out to lots of activities.
Coyoacan · 04/06/2018 00:55

I went to a high-achieving grammar school and we were always told to relax on the day before an exam.

bathildab · 04/06/2018 01:08

I'm with you OP. Astonished how many people think this is ok (and also how many people think revision should be done and just relax the day before - ha! wonder how many put that into practice themselves or with their own kids!)

sweeneytoddsrazor · 04/06/2018 01:16

(and also how many people think revision should be done and just relax the day before - ha! wonder how many put that into practice themselves or with their own kids!)

Well i do. As I have already said we went out for lunch and an afternoon stroll. DD did some revision this morning but she has been revising since xmas at least. This includes staying at school for an extra hour and a half a couple of days a week, going to the Saturday morning revision club at school and going into school during easter holidays for revision. She certainly didn't take 4 days off over the half term she did revision every day along with down time.

Ohmydayslove · 04/06/2018 01:20

bsthildab

Yes it’s quite common advice from schools to have down time before exams.

If you need to cram the day before any exam you havnt put the work in before.

We did this with all our teenagers.

Petalflowers · 04/06/2018 01:30

I’d be cross also.

I have dcs doing exams as well. It’s okay to have time out, and mine do, but this has been considered before, and revision worked around it.

To spend the whole day out, without prior warning, is unacceptable.,

sweeneytoddsrazor · 04/06/2018 01:35

To spend the whole day out, without prior warning, is unacceptable.

He spent 4 hours out 4 hours not the whole day, he also revised in the morning before he went out. He also last week whilst with his Mum spent 4 days yes 4 days on his PS4 instead of revising. Dad is getting a raw deal here.

littlehouseonthep · 04/06/2018 02:02

I wouldn't make my dc do something stressful the day before their exams start. I would encourage them to relax and clear their head though. I spent the week before my exams winding down, think we met teachers at a jazz festival I was going to the weekend before. The revision should be sorted by now. It is stressful for parents and dc alike though.

Nicknacky · 04/06/2018 02:17

He didn't do anything stressful, he went to lunch