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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask whether I should pay these teenagers?

194 replies

Puzzledandpissedoff · 03/06/2018 21:37

One for the Mumsnet jury - I'd very much welcome others' input before deciding

Yesterday I hosted a large garden party and had three 17 year olds to help with serving; everything was prepared, so all this involved was pouring and handing round food and drinks and helping to clear up. The party lasted three hours and I'd offered them £40 each

Unfortunately all three spent practically every moment playing with their phones, leaving me - with the help of two very kind invited friends - to do most of it myself. All reminders were met with "yeah, in a minute", "I'm just ..." and so on, but no actual help

Once the last guest left they refused to do any clearing up; apparently all three had something "really urgent" they had to leave for, but were quick to demand their money. I explained very calmly that I'd have to think about it since they'd done so little, to be met with a chorus of "yeah buts ..." and "it's not faaaiiirrr", followed by numerous texts today asking for their money

So what does everyone think, please ... should I pay?

OP posts:
BarryTheKestrel · 04/06/2018 19:44

Good on you OP for only paying the minimum. Who on earth at 17/18(and with work experience of a Saturday/holiday job) takes an job and doesn't do it then complains about being paid for it and gets their mums involved. If I'd acted like that and not been paid idyhave been mortified and definitely not told my mum.

SlowDown76mph · 05/06/2018 07:59

I think you should have done the parents the courtesy of telling them directly exactly why you reduced the agreed amount. That way nothing gets misunderstood... At the moment you look like someone taking advantage of their children, rather than the person that was let down by their children.

StealthPolarBear · 05/06/2018 08:19

She put a note in with the cash. At that age I was working in a restaurant and my performance and wages were none of my parents business!

SlowDown76mph · 05/06/2018 08:22

Quite right SPP. Except in this case there is a social relationship between the parents and that makes a difference.

Basta · 05/06/2018 08:34

If none of them stayed to clear up does that mean they did less than the agreed three hours, or were you expecting them to stay longer for no extra pay?

user1499173618 · 05/06/2018 08:36

You cannot not pay.

CoughLaughFart · 05/06/2018 08:43

You cannot not pay.

Have you even bothered reading the OP’s replies?

user1499173618 · 05/06/2018 08:57

Yes, and I think the OP has behaved dreadfully from start to finish.

RhiWrites · 05/06/2018 08:57

I don’t think you were clear, OP. Maybe the party just flew by to you but you should have stopped 30m in to tell the staff you’d employed that their performance wasn’t good enough and that if there wasn’t improvement they’d be asked to leave. Then come back to them 30m later.

I’m sure they did more than eat food and pour drinks for themselves. You aren’t watching them all the time. I do believe it was a poor performance by them but you haven’t covered yourself in glory either.

Minisoksmakehardwork · 05/06/2018 09:09

From my own experience a few years ago I can well believe the girls spent most of their time on their phones and whining that their parents had got them this crappy job.

I don't think it would matter how much you offered, they were doing it as a favour for their own parents and the earn a bit of cash rather than because they actually wanted to work.

I also believe the best way to manage this for future events is an agreed hourly rate with a bonus at the end for a job well done. Eg they bus their arses off and leave the house/garden spotless = full pay plus bonus. They do the bare minimum = agreed wage. Any of a group who perform better or worse than the others can expect their wage packet to reflect this accordingly.

bumblingbovine49 · 05/06/2018 09:09

I sometimes work with students at university who we employ to help on open days. Their job is to be engaged and chat with visitors, do campus tours, help people find where they are going, answer questions about their experience as a student etc.

They also have to be at set places at certain times (all listed in their rotas) to collect people at the end of talks, lectures to take them to their next event etc. They get very specific briefings about how to behave, what not to wear (ie ripped or dirty or very crumpled clothes rather than any specific dress code).

Most of them are very good usually but even with verbal written briefings beforehand, every time, there are at least a few who stand around on their phones and who I have to chase to be at the places they need to be at the right times.

The REALLY important thing to do is be very specific about what you want them to do. They are still young and often don't know how to be very proactive. A written list of what they should do for them to read beforehand is often useful.

You also need to be specific on the day - so say things like 'X please go into the kitchen and help put out some more snacks on trays' ,

'Y please take that bottle of drink and go around offering to fill up people's drinks until there is none left, then come back and get another bottle'

Your job is actually just as busy as theirs but it is to direct operations as much as possible. If they refuse to do as you ask, you say that time. 'If you don't do as ask as soon as I ask you to I won't be paying you' If they continue to be difficult, then just politely say it isn't working and that they can go home as you no longer need them.

In this situation though as the event is passed, I think I would pay an amount that I think they were worth. I would write/type up a note with the duties they were supposed to do and what they actually did for each of them. Then give then a copy of the note in an envelope with the money you think they did earn (if any) . Possibly some of them were more helpful than others, then pay those ones more. Make it clear that the effort they put in equals the money they have been paid.

Please don;t pay them £40 each. That is A LOT and they will think they can get away withy that in the real world of work, which thety can't

wizzywig · 05/06/2018 09:10

They probably didnt take you seriously as you are their mums friend. The mum probably sold it as 'just stand around, easy money'

bumblingbovine49 · 05/06/2018 09:14

Sorry just seen that you have dealt with it. Sounds like you did the right thing. Of course they will be unhappy but they really can't expect to be paid that much for no effort at all.

Well done OP

bumblingbovine49 · 05/06/2018 09:19

Just as a final thing. Empoying teenagers/young people is really quite a big task in itself. They need lots and lots of guidance and direction but they also need to want to do it.

I am always very forgiving if someone is willing to do as I ask quickly and enthusiastically, even if I know as soon as my back is turned that they will get their phones out again as soon as it is a bit 'quiet'. Grin
However if anyone on their phone were to say 'let me finish this first' before doing as I ask, they would be asked to leave there and then.

QuackPorridgeBacon · 05/06/2018 09:58

I’d have given them the full amount. If they were so useless you should of asked them to leave. Suggestions of giving the money to the parents are odd. Not answering the parents texts are also weird. You don’t look very good in all of this op. I well belive that they didn’t do much but I don’t believe they didn’t do anything, if that was the case you should have told them to leave. Even an employer would have to pay for the time they were there. Don’t ask them to do anymore jobs though, but I assume that’s a given really.

Snowysky20009 · 05/06/2018 10:05

OP I was a waitress for my step fathers business form 14-18. Setting tables, taking orders, taking food out, clearing tables etc. All together 9 of my friends 16-19 also worked there at some stage. We all knew how to work. We all knew what to do. We all knew when we could have a drink or bite to eat. My 18 year old has been working since 16 part time around a-levels. He knows what is expected of him and does it.

What you had was 3 lazy teenage girls! If my child had behaved like that and you told me. I would be telling you not to pay anything- lesson learnt. (Maybe I meant I'm a bad mum Hmm)

Snowysky20009 · 05/06/2018 10:09

And on top of that, I would be mortified and extremely apologetic to you. (And you would end up with flowers, a bottle of wine (which my child would pay for out of their own money) and an apology off my child)

PeterGriffinsPenisBeaker · 05/06/2018 10:27

You could tell the parents to check the timings of the WhatsApp/ text messages/ Snapchat messages - if they were ducking around on their phones all the time, it should be obvious from the times the messages were sent. Then the teenagers have nowhere to hide...

user1499173618 · 05/06/2018 10:52

Next time, don’t coerce teenagers into doing a job they are not qualified to do, do not want to do and which you don’t want to manage. Employ a professional waitress - she will do an excellent job.

Original poster
Puzzledandpissedoff · 05/06/2018 11:12

Just to update ... yes, with hindsight I agree it would have been better to tell them to go. I can't agree, however, about entering into endless to-ing and fro-ing with the parents; the girls are 17/18 not 12, and appreciating that you work for what's been agreed really isn't a hard thing to do

The good news is that I've received apologies from the "group member mum" and both of her daughters. The two girls just said "sorry for letting you down" but the mum's was rather longer, effectively saying I did the right thing and that she hoped they'd learn from it

The "friend mum" (though not her daughter) has also replied, saying the girl couldn't possibly have worked as she had a terrible migraine. I did reply this time, saying I was sorry to hear that but surprised that someone so ill was bright, breezy and apparently entirely happy (and also said nothing) at the time - to which she texted that the migraine was "only just starting". Needless to say I haven't responded again and perhaps it's just as well that - as mentioned before - she's not that close a friend

All in all, an interesting contrast in parenting styles, perhaps

OP posts:
Original poster
Puzzledandpissedoff · 05/06/2018 11:15

Next time, don’t coerce teenagers into doing a job they are not qualified to do, do not want to do and which you don’t want to manage

You might want to read the thread, user - or at least my own posts on it

I think you'll find that that what you've said couldn't be further from the truth

OP posts:
steppemum · 05/06/2018 11:24

Oh I'm laughing at the migraine!

very different parenting styles indeed.

well done OP, I think you handled it well.

Steeley113 · 05/06/2018 11:28

If she couldn’t work due to the migraine then how could she play on her phone? And why didn’t she say she was too unwell to work? Excuses Hmm you did the right thing OP and I’d be fuming if my daughter behaved that way

Zeugma · 05/06/2018 11:36

Next time, don’t coerce teenagers into doing a job they are not qualified to do, do not want to do and which you don’t want to manage

Oh yes, those poor girls. Kidnapped and coerced into waitressing duties for 3 hours for a measly £40 Hmm

hadenough · 05/06/2018 11:39

I don't think you were wrong at all to offer the £40 initially - you demonstrated that you were prepared to pay a decent wage for a decent job - so I hope if you looked for help in future, you wouldn't cut the rate offered because of this experience.

That said, I completely understand why you made the decision you did in consideration of the fact they didn't actually fulfil their part of the bargain.

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