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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask whether I should pay these teenagers?

194 replies

Puzzledandpissedoff · 03/06/2018 21:37

One for the Mumsnet jury - I'd very much welcome others' input before deciding

Yesterday I hosted a large garden party and had three 17 year olds to help with serving; everything was prepared, so all this involved was pouring and handing round food and drinks and helping to clear up. The party lasted three hours and I'd offered them £40 each

Unfortunately all three spent practically every moment playing with their phones, leaving me - with the help of two very kind invited friends - to do most of it myself. All reminders were met with "yeah, in a minute", "I'm just ..." and so on, but no actual help

Once the last guest left they refused to do any clearing up; apparently all three had something "really urgent" they had to leave for, but were quick to demand their money. I explained very calmly that I'd have to think about it since they'd done so little, to be met with a chorus of "yeah buts ..." and "it's not faaaiiirrr", followed by numerous texts today asking for their money

So what does everyone think, please ... should I pay?

OP posts:
Original poster
Puzzledandpissedoff · 03/06/2018 23:21

you happy to lose friends over this?

It's not quite as bad as all that, fortunately; the "group member mum" is more of an acquaintance and the "friend" isn't all that close ... which is probably just as well

I'm leaning towards giving the min wage equivalent to the mums as many have suggested, along with an explanation, but wonder how that would go down. The eldest daughter has after all only just turned 18, but since that makes her an adult shouldn't I deal with her directly?

OP posts:
ObiJuanKenobi · 03/06/2018 23:22

I would go for the minimum wage option

PurpleCrowbar · 03/06/2018 23:22

I'd go with a conditional £20 each & a group text saying:

'I asked you all several times to put phones away & get on, & I'm afraid you didn't. A key part of the job we ageeed was the end of party clear up, which you refused to do.

We'll all have to chalk it up to experience - you didn't do the job as agreed so I can't pay you what I'd pay for a job well done; I know now that the work doesn't suit you so will look elsewhere in future.

Happy to offer £20 each as goodwill - let me know if you want to accept this. It's all that's on the table for doing less than half the work agreed.'

Then don't pay a penny to any of them who don't agree to it.

Texting mum is wetter than wet. If this was my 17yo dd I'd be thoroughly embarrassed by her, & also quietly contacting you to a) apologise that my dd had let you down & b) thank you for hopefully teaching her a valuable lesson in work ethic.

Mostly, mind you, I'd be telling her to get a grip - 17 isn't a baby, especially if she's done waitressing before. I'd be pointing out that she needs to raise her game considerably.

Branleuse · 03/06/2018 23:24

why didn't you deal with it at the time?
Did they seriously do nothing, or do you mean you caught them glimpsing at their phone once and now want to get out of paying

TheBigFatMermaid · 03/06/2018 23:32

I wouldn't pay them a penny and would explain why to their parents. It will be a fabulous life lesson for them. Their parents, if even half reasonable, will reiterate that lesson!

LouiseCheese123 · 03/06/2018 23:35

Was the agreed £40 for the three hours or did it include the tidying up afterwards? If it was just for the three hours then I would pay them the full amount. If not then technically they left early and I would pay them for the proportion of time they were actually there

Perhaps you could ask them what they would do in your shoes? i.e if they had hired people to do a job but that job wasn't done properly because they were on their phones the whole time, in spite of being asked repeatedly to put them away. Then they left before the end.
Ask them how much they feel they would be prepared to pay in those circumstances. It'll at least make them think about it and guilt is a much more powerful motivator than force.

Original poster
Puzzledandpissedoff · 03/06/2018 23:35

Branleuse I've explained several times how I spoke to them at the time and I'm sorry you seem to feel I'm merely looking for a way not to pay as that isn't the case at all

FWIW the most they did was fiddle with a few bottles (pouring themselves drinks but serving nobody else), pick through the sandwiches (again for themselves) and hoover up the cakes (ditto). I'm the very last to grudge a bit of food to (always hungry!!) teenagers, but just hoped everyone else might be served with some too

OP posts:
TheBigFatMermaid · 03/06/2018 23:39

I am sure if you explain the issues to the parents they will totally understand, what with having the same issues with them themselves!

Original poster
Puzzledandpissedoff · 03/06/2018 23:46

Was the agreed £40 for the three hours or did it include the tidying up afterwards?

It was for the whole thing, though I didn't anticipate the clearing up I expected them to do would take much more than half an hour. Since the party was at my own house I always intended to "put away" myself and all they'd have needed to do was bring stuff in from the garden, throw away leftovers and so on

I could ask "what they thought i was worth" given the incessant phone use, but don't really want to be whined at again about how desperately important their texting was. Someone's got to take control of this and as the "employer" for the day that's my job

Anyway I'm off to bed. Warmest thanks again for everyone's kind advice and suggestions; as I said I'll sleep on it, make my decision in the morning and update here in case anyone's interested

OP posts:
SandAndSea · 03/06/2018 23:52

I think, instead of looking to defend your choice, it might serve you instead to complain directly to their parents about their behaviour. You employed them in good faith and they behaved pretty badly and now, they're trying to manipulate you into paying them for work they didn't do. It's pretty appalling all round. It must have brought the party vibe down for you and significantly affected your enjoyment of it. Ask them what they are going to do to make that right. If you really want to go for it, you could also work out how much it cost you to feed them and how much your time is worth and factor those costs in.

TemptressofWaikiki · 03/06/2018 23:57

I'd be generous and round up the hour's work to a fiver each. They learn a valuable lesson that you actually have to do the work.

Original poster
Puzzledandpissedoff · 04/06/2018 11:42

Again, very many thanks for everyone's help last night. As intended I slept on it and this morning put an unsealed envelope through the doors of each. Inside was £12.60 and a note saying it was good to see them but that I was disappointed they did none of the agreed work on Saturday, simply playing with their phones despite reminders. I added that, as a gesture, I was paying min wage rate, wished them all the best and left it at that

The "friend" mum - and probably the "group member" one too - will certainly take advantage of the envelope being unsealed to look what's inside, especially as I woke up to two more increasingly shirty texts from the first

Doubtless, deep down, the girls know exactly what they've done and doubtless too there'll be whining, angst and yet more cries of "not faaaiiirrr" later. Equally doubtless is that they'll get over it

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 04/06/2018 12:02

Good choice. Tho I'd have said of they did literally nothing pay them literally nothing.
Annoyed at the people saying you should have managed them better at the time. Presumably you hired them and made expectations clear in advance so you could relax and enjoy the party. Not micro manage people you were paying to help.

StealthPolarBear · 04/06/2018 12:02

What did the shirty texts say?

steppemum · 04/06/2018 12:17

I think I would reply to shirty mums texts saying - they did not do any of what was asked and played on phones all day, and instead of clearing up, disappeared.
No work = no money.

BlueSapp · 04/06/2018 12:22

They did nothing, they get no money!

StealthPolarBear · 04/06/2018 12:27

You could always bill them for the food they ate too :o

StealthPolarBear · 04/06/2018 12:28

£13 each should cover it I'd have thought

DesignStatement · 04/06/2018 12:35

OP - good for you sticking to your guns! Took guts. 👏👏

BewareOfDragons · 04/06/2018 12:36

Sounds perfectly reasonable to me.

The teens are completely out of order to show up, not do the job, then expect the money.

Caselgarcia · 04/06/2018 12:39

Rather than get involved with the mums, I would ask all of them to come round and collect what they fell they are due as they didn't perform the duties required of them you will not be paying the full amount.

TemptressofWaikiki · 04/06/2018 12:39

Good approach OP. It seems a fair solution and at the same time, it sends a clear message to them not to try and rip off anyone who offers you work.

Littlemissdaredevil · 04/06/2018 12:43

I agree with what you have done. They need to learn now that it’s not acceptable to piss around on the job. Otherwise once the get a job they will find out pretty sharpish!

KarmaStar · 04/06/2018 12:45

Tell them the clearing up is still waiting to be done,when it's all finished they can have their money😀

MuddyForestWalks · 04/06/2018 12:51

Well done OP.

Tbh you would have been within your rights not to pay them. They weren't contracted employees, they were there to provide a one off service which they failed to do. If my mobile hairdresser sat in my kitchen on her phone while I dyed my own roots she wouldn't get paid. Hope the fall out isn't too bad.