To ask whether I should pay these teenagers?

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

One for the Mumsnet jury - I'd very much welcome others' input before deciding

Yesterday I hosted a large garden party and had three 17 year olds to help with serving; everything was prepared, so all this involved was pouring and handing round food and drinks and helping to clear up. The party lasted three hours and I'd offered them £40 each

Unfortunately all three spent practically every moment playing with their phones, leaving me - with the help of two very kind invited friends - to do most of it myself. All reminders were met with "yeah, in a minute", "I'm just ..." and so on, but no actual help

Once the last guest left they refused to do any clearing up; apparently all three had something "really urgent" they had to leave for, but were quick to demand their money. I explained very calmly that I'd have to think about it since they'd done so little, to be met with a chorus of "yeah buts ..." and "it's not faaaiiirrr", followed by numerous texts today asking for their money

So what does everyone think, please ... should I pay?

Pay them half and tell their parents why.

Sounds like a very fair solution, you were offering far too much to start with, they should have done a stellar job in the circumstances.

If the mums complain they could always check the phones to see how much they were used during the party.

This kind of immature behaviour gets teenagers a bad name

What did the messages say? Call their mums!

You said that one mum was there for end of party

What did she say/do when you asked them to clear up but the DD had to leave?

Surely that is the evidence the parents need to acknowledge

If she just drove her DD home or to this "very important" reason for leaving then she will know that the job wasn't done properly wouldn't she?

You did the right thing OP. I’d be incredibly embarrassed if my 17 yo behaved like that.

Have you heard anything from them ?

I like your style

Only just caught up- I feel you did the right thing OP & if it was my DD I would want you to tell me she had been lazy & not fulfilled her part of the agreement. I would be cross if you paid her the full amount because she would take the wrong message from that & assume the world owes her a living & she can just draw a wage for standing around.

I have been the parent, in a similar situation. My dses were all, at various different times, given work by some friends of mine who were building their own house - the boys did all sorts of unskilled construction and odd job type work for them.

They paid very generously, and expected hard work for their money - but there came a point where my friend had to tell me that her dh wasn’t happy to give work to ds3 because he was spending too much time on his phone, and not working as hard as he should.

It was not a nice conversation to have with ds3 - he was upset and defensive, and thought it was unfair that ds2 was still getting work - but I had to back up my friend and her dh. My friend was apologetic when she spoke to me, but I made it clear that she had nothing to be sorry for - ds3 was in the wrong.

In the end, I did advocate for him - when my friend asked me if he had learned his lesson, I said that he had, and was sorry for his behaviour - and they were kind enough to give him a second chance - which he did NOT blow.

Since then, he has had jobs whilst at university, and I am now proud of his work ethic. He learned a hard lesson, but he had to learn it. It wouldn’t have helped him if he’d been paid after he had slacked off.

Apologies for taking a while - shopping needed doing!!

To answer some questions, I did consider asking them to call round for the money but decided I could do without angst on the doorstep

The first text from the "friend mum" this morning just said "what are you going to do?" and the second "why haven't you replied, DD is devastated". I've not answered and am not going to, though no doubt there'll be more later when they've opened the envelopes and had a general pow-wow about what a swine I am

The "friend mum" who was there for the last half hour didn't say much to me; mostly she stayed in the kitchen chatting to the girls so I don't know what was said

TBH I'm a bit irritated at the sheer entitlement that's come across, though trying to put it behind me. That said, and while my employees were older professionals rather than teenagers, I have to wonder what this says about some of the younger folk who insist they really can't find a job (and before anyone starts shouting, that's some not all)

If you'd paid them the full amount they'd have effectively robbed you. They've got a nerve.

And yes, with hindsight I do agree the offer of £40 was perhaps over generous. I wanted to think the best of them and to treat them well though, and honestly thought - wrongly as it turned out - that the decent amount would be a motivation

Well, it’s easy to see where the daughters get it from.

If they did nothing, they would get nothing.

Brilliantly well done, SDTG

With a few more mums like you around - as well as so many others on the thread - we'd all have a much easier time

I would pay half. As after all, if they had done no work at all, surely you would have just asked them to leave?

Well done OP - I would be horrified if they'd been my DC - but I'm pretty confident mine would all work for their money (and actually would be furious with slackers).

I think you should answer the texts to actually explain what happened.

Not sure why you won’t engage with the mum’s texts though - why on Earth not just have a quick conversation about it with her?

I could respond to the mum's texts, but on the evidence so far all I'd probably get is more silly lies and excuses. Worse still, given the mentality that's becoming clear, it would probably be seen as an opening to get more out of me if they can just be a bit more persuasive

That's not going to happen so there seems little point in dragging it out with "yes, buts ...". The reasons for paying min wage only are very clear in my note which "friend mum" at least will certainly see; what they do with that is up to them, though I suppose I might need to reconsider if it kicks off a further blizzard of texts

If they are so convinced their child deserves the full amount when they weren't actually there, they should pay it themselves.

I think you did the right thing.i wish I could be as assertive as you.brilliant

“I think my note to your son/daughter clearly explains to them, as I did during the evening, that their behaviour fell significantly short of normal expectations of a paid working evening.

@OP
well done - I'd probably have even paid by cheque not cash. assuming theyre yo lazy to cash it or theyd lose it 🙈

I'd probably have even paid by cheque not cash. assuming they're yo lazy to cash it or they'd lose it

A bit of me I'm not proud of almost wishes I'd thought of that!!