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Original poster

To have ruined brother’s engagement

999 replies

Illuminati12 · 03/06/2018 17:41

I have been sick and can’t stop crying. I have done something terrible. Totally without thought.
I have been seeing someone for 18 months, lovely man with two children who I met just before Christmas. My family have met him and we took the kids to my mother’s and sisters.
My brother and his partner invited the family round a fortnight ago for a meal yesterday. The family meaning widowed mother, siblings, spouses, kids and me. The invitation was sent from girlfriend’s phone and said “Can you come...” I just thought it was a meal in their newish house. I replied that me, partner and his two teenagers could come. The response came from girlfriend “Sorry can’t accommodate Partner and teenagers but look forward to meeting them another time.”
I was a bit put out and replied that the kids were great, well behaved and would fit in. Again response was sorry they could not be accommodated. I now regret texting my brother he said that they hadn’t entertained before so didn’t really want extras. He did hint that maybe my partner could come alone as he and girlfriend hadn’t met his kids. I was really upset as my entire family were going to be at this meal but I couldn’t take my partner and his lovely girls.
My mother then spoke to my brother and he rang me up annoyed that I had mentioned it and again stressed that there was no room.
Yesterday arrived meal at 12:30. I was upset. We took girls out for pizza and at 4:30 I thought my family would have finished meal and now be in garden and we could drop in and introduce girls and everyone would be relaxed.
I rang bell, no answer so went round side into garden. A micro second before they had announced engagement amidst champagne and now all these faces were looking at us. Girlfriend began to cry and ran upstairs.
Completely embarrassed. My partner tried to usher his girls out. My brother was seething.it was a special moment ruined by strangers.
Girlfriend’s mother then came down with her phone and read back texts between us asking me how I could have thought they were invited.
My sister drove me home. Brother rang to say I was out of order. Girlfriend texted that I am not to go near her again and has made it clear that she will not marry my brother if I am invited. She called me pushy and demanding. They had invited me but I tried to bring strange kids to the party and deliberately tried to have my own way.
I had no idea this was special occasion or I would have gone on my own. I am devastated. Family feel brother will calm down and it will blow over. I am devastated I genuinely didn’t do anything maliciously.

OP posts:
SezziBaybee · 03/06/2018 18:37

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the request of the poster.

WalkingOnAFlashlightBeam · 03/06/2018 18:37

Oh don’t play faux wide eye naïveté OP. You knew the kids weren’t invited, were told multiple times, and showed up with them anyway. You fucked up. And now all of these histrionics and crying and being sick? I’d be done with you too if I were the new fiancée. You sound awful.

Even if you never come back and reply I know you’ll be reading. I imagine it’s a surprise to see you were being a dick. Try take it on board instead of getting defensive (though to be fair you have such a thick skin and are so oblivious perhaps it won’t even hit the sides)

Daddystepdaddy · 03/06/2018 18:37

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone it would have helped avoid this palaver especially as it was clear that the OP just wasn't 'getting it'.

Sounds like the OP needs to be a bit clearer about how she wishes her DP and his kids to be treated.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 03/06/2018 18:37

So they were no invited but the reaction from the girlfriend was completely OTT, she should see the funny side but it sounds like she’s very self indulgent. You are family after all, my lot drop in on each other freely and everyone is welcome.....

Chillyegg · 03/06/2018 18:38

That’s really mean Barbaro we all fuck yo occaisionally . Yes op was rude ! But it all sounds like one massive ridiculous over reaction. And unless your the OP’s sil pipe down because I’m not sure why your so emotionally invested.

FiestaThenSiesta · 03/06/2018 18:38

*“I read it that they entered the garden just as the engagement was announced and "stole their thunder". It was obviously planned as something of an event with a meal and champagne.

In those circumstances I can imagine her being upset. I think she'll probably calm down though.”*

I read it like that too. And the OP rang the doorbell, nobody answered so she let herself and her entourage in through a side gate and I imagine basically walked up and behind the couple who were announcing their engagement to their nearest and dearest.... and turned around and found 3 unwelcomed strangers and the OP standing behind them.

Biggreygoose · 03/06/2018 18:38

Given the rest of the story, ops description of the fiance's reaction likely contains no small amount of hyperbole.

She also blatantly has form for pulling this kind of shit.

Just sayin'

Chillyegg · 03/06/2018 18:38

That was meant to say we all fuck up

WalkingOnAFlashlightBeam · 03/06/2018 18:39

You are family after all, my lot drop in on each other freely and everyone is welcome.....

And yet brother and gf made it very clear the kids weren’t welcome.

It’s almost like different families have different norms isn’t it? Who’d have thought 🤔

HappenedForAReisling · 03/06/2018 18:39

OMG I can imagine how this played out.

Bro: Thank you all for coming. We wanted you all here today because we wanted to share the news with you all that has accepted my proposal of marriage and we're now engaged.

Cue popping of corks, Lots of "Yay!" and "Wonderful news!" and "Congratu....."

OP: Yoohoo!

I am cringing.

Bluntness100 · 03/06/2018 18:40

i meant her DB should have quietly told her they wanted it kept family only as he was proposing/announcing engagement

Why? It doesn't seem they are particularly close. He doesn't owe her anything, he told her the kids couldn't be accommodated due to space and it wasn't appropriate as they hadn't ever met them. That should have been good enough for rhe op.

In addition there is clearly more to this than she's admitted. There was clearly a bunfight, the op did not depart gracefully with the boyfriend and kids. She stayed behind, the mother was reading the texts, the sister had to leave the party to drive her home. So she ruined their announcement not just by turning up, but by staying to have a fight with them too.

RedDogsBeg · 03/06/2018 18:40

jellybean in the opening post it states that the brother and girlfriend have not met the OP's Partner's children.

SandAndSea · 03/06/2018 18:40

Just to add to what I wrote previously... I do think it's odd that your partner wasn't invited. I would have been upset about that too.

OP, why do you think he wasn't invited?

supersop60 · 03/06/2018 18:40

Apologise apologise apologise.
You know you were in the wrong according to your first sentence, so not sure what you were expecting on here.
Admittedly you didn't know about the big announcement, but if you had gone on your own (as requested) you would have been there and everybody would have been happy.
Apologise.

HollyGibney · 03/06/2018 18:41

This is one of the most ridiculous things I have ever read on here. You shouldn't have forced the issue but I can see why you were nonplussed at being left out. Your brother, his girlfriend and her family need to get a grip. Honestly I would apologise and leave it at that. It's not THAT bad.

autumndreaming · 03/06/2018 18:42

Why on EARTH did you think it was okay to bring along uninvited guests? And to even push the issue?

They were totally reasonable to want the engagement announcement to be who THEY wanted it to be.

You are being VVV unreasonable.

pallisers · 03/06/2018 18:43

I suspect this isn't an isolated incident and that the OP has form, hence the GFs reaction.

Me too. If I were the partner, I think I'd be thinking seriously about my future with her.

And if I were the partner's teens, I'd be saying "you're on your own dad with this one"

yes the fiancee had a dramatic reaction but she already was dealing with the OP refusing to come for lunch unless on her terms and according to the OP she turned up with her embarrassed entourage literally as the annoucement had been made and the champagne popped. There is a kind of genius about her ability to steal the moment. My guess is the fiancee had been saying to the brother "I bet she shows up with them anyway" And she did.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 03/06/2018 18:43

I think the OP is so excited about her new partner and his kids that she thinks they are now part of her family after few months together. No surprises that the rest of the family felt different. They did say they would like to meet them soon, which was fair enough. I'd really be embarrassed bringing uninvited people to someone's home.

Mousefunky · 03/06/2018 18:43

You were all unreasonable and incredibly melodramatic.

Your partner and his kids are clearly relative strangers to your dbro and his GF hence not being invited, you shouldn’t have turned up regardless of her/their wishes. However she hugely overreacted and sounds like a spoilt brat.

Daddystepdaddy · 03/06/2018 18:44

HollyGibney I really agree.

OP just needs to be clear to her family that things are serious with her DP and excluding him from the event was disappointing, but that she made a mistake and shouldn't have forced the issue.

MadMags · 03/06/2018 18:44

You’re either making this up (first and only post), or you’re an actual, real life CF!

I hope it’s the latter because it’s nice that we’ve caught a live one.

If you’re legitimate I agree with those saying you are bound to have form for this stuff, hence the reaction.

mrsshelby44 · 03/06/2018 18:44

You're very selfish op. No one cares about how lovely your partners kids are apart from you and him. Do you always demand the world revolve around you and your life??

ScrubTheDecks · 03/06/2018 18:44

Offer a heartfelt and unconditional offer to your BIL and his DF. Apologise for your absence at the 12.30 meal, and for then showing up unexpectedly and with the girls. Admit how thoughtless you were, as you do in your OP. DO NOT, in mitigation, say you weren’t to know it was their engagement because that is irrelevant. You were told more than once not to bring the girls so it doesn’t matter if it was the wedding itself or a glass of water in tne garden. You also had no business bringing your mother into it once you had been told ‘no’. It is irrelevant who else in the family they had met.

I hope your apology is accepted and they calm down. She did over-react, but that shouldn’t affect the wholeheartedness of your apology.

“I am so sorry “
NOT
“I am so sorry but.....”.

And then I think you should apologise to your DP for putting him and his Dds in such an excruciating position.

Good luck: I hope it calms down and I hope you learn from this.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 03/06/2018 18:45

Your brother, his girlfriend and her family need to get a grip.

See this is what I consider ridiculous, how can anyone think the brother and his GF are acting unreasonably or being melodramatic.

I would imagine the other side of the story would be vastly different if retold by all the other adults at the event!

Valanice1989 · 03/06/2018 18:45

For all that the fiancee's reaction sounds completely ridiculous on the face of it, I agree with the posters who say that this may have been the straw that broke the camel's back.

I genuinely don't understand why you brought your partner and his kids after being told repeatedly that they weren't invited?

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