To have ruined brother’s engagement

[Illuminati12]

I have been sick and can’t stop crying. I have done something terrible. Totally without thought.
I have been seeing someone for 18 months, lovely man with two children who I met just before Christmas. My family have met him and we took the kids to my mother’s and sisters.
My brother and his partner invited the family round a fortnight ago for a meal yesterday. The family meaning widowed mother, siblings, spouses, kids and me. The invitation was sent from girlfriend’s phone and said “Can you come...” I just thought it was a meal in their newish house. I replied that me, partner and his two teenagers could come. The response came from girlfriend “Sorry can’t accommodate Partner and teenagers but look forward to meeting them another time.”
I was a bit put out and replied that the kids were great, well behaved and would fit in. Again response was sorry they could not be accommodated. I now regret texting my brother he said that they hadn’t entertained before so didn’t really want extras. He did hint that maybe my partner could come alone as he and girlfriend hadn’t met his kids. I was really upset as my entire family were going to be at this meal but I couldn’t take my partner and his lovely girls.
My mother then spoke to my brother and he rang me up annoyed that I had mentioned it and again stressed that there was no room.
Yesterday arrived meal at 12:30. I was upset. We took girls out for pizza and at 4:30 I thought my family would have finished meal and now be in garden and we could drop in and introduce girls and everyone would be relaxed.
I rang bell, no answer so went round side into garden. A micro second before they had announced engagement amidst champagne and now all these faces were looking at us. Girlfriend began to cry and ran upstairs.
Completely embarrassed. My partner tried to usher his girls out. My brother was seething.it was a special moment ruined by strangers.
Girlfriend’s mother then came down with her phone and read back texts between us asking me how I could have thought they were invited.
My sister drove me home. Brother rang to say I was out of order. Girlfriend texted that I am not to go near her again and has made it clear that she will not marry my brother if I am invited. She called me pushy and demanding. They had invited me but I tried to bring strange kids to the party and deliberately tried to have my own way.
I had no idea this was special occasion or I would have gone on my own. I am devastated. Family feel brother will calm down and it will blow over. I am devastated I genuinely didn’t do anything maliciously.

HappenedForAReisling - exactly how I pictured it too, and am cringing along with you!

I don't think the SIL was over dramatic.

She invites Op. Op takes it on herself to invite 3 others SIL hadn't met.
She says not enough room. Op makes a big fuss about it insisting they should come.
Brother says bring partner. Op flounces and turns down invite. Or maybe just doesn't show up....
Then gatecrashes party just as engagement is announced with the 3 people SIL said couldn't come.

Appalling. I'd have cried with anger too.

OP you must know you have been VVVU. I too suspect that you have form for this kind of behaviour hence the GF's reaction. Regardless, you were told NO several times, rudely pushed the point and then went ahead and did what you wanted anyway?! Maybe your DB and his GF just wanted this to be a family occasion, where they didn't have to be on ceremony and didn't have to run around stressing that there was enough food and drink and accommodating children they have never met. Perhaps they wanted to celebrate their engagement their way, with close friends and family. Can't get my head round how obtuse and rude you have been. Beyond belief, actually. Some serious apologising from you needs to happen and you may well have to accept exclusion from their wedding as a consequence for your appalling behaviour. And don't even THINK of turning up to that event if you are told not to. Not to mention the upset caused to your DP and his 2 children today. You can't possibly say you didn't realise and didn't mean to be malicious - you KNEW you'd been told no and you decided that your wishes trumped those of the people hosting and whose special moment it was.

This is rude but if they haven't met the kids then its potentially not the right time. Also a lot of families of step children dont feel a big bond with them. And at 18 months its potentially bad having one random in the photos you look back at in 50 years and say who's that another if there's a whole family. If you don't make it.

You really need to apologise profusely, send some flowers and give yourself a good talking to. You shouldn't have had to have been told more than once that your partner and his kids couldn't go. So for the girlfriend to tell you, then for you to go to your brother, then your Mum? Really? Have you done stuff like this before? Have a good honest look at yourself.

Her reaction was clearly over the top but if you've been a real pest about them coming and been difficult about it she was probably feeling really wound up about it.

Something tells me that the OP isn’t going to come back to this thread

OP ever coming back?

You all sound like the cast of Eastenders, totally fucking lunatic all of you.

You were unbelievable and she was a twat.

Next.

I don’t recognise myself when I read this thread. If I had read it I would think I was a dreadful person.
I genuinely didn’t think. I had no idea they were going to announce their engagement.
Everyone had met my partner but only mother and sister had met the girls. Normally everything is relaxed so I thought it would be no big deal.
I genuinely don’t have form for this. I think my partner would have been included but it was his weekend with the girls. I thought 3 hours after the meal it would be ok. I thought not being able to accommodate related to space. I am beyond upset at what I have done to my brother’s fiancée. My brother has been married before but she has not. I did say I could not come as we had girls so they weren’t waiting for me.
As for the girls the older one was mortified but the younger one is doing impressions of brother’s girlfriend. I intend to write an apology. Honestly I am not normally like this.

*Your brother, his girlfriend and her family need to get a grip

I have been sick and can’t stop crying.

I think both side seem prone to some over dramatic reactions so it seems a bit like a case of pot and kettle to slag off the SIL2B without saying the same about the op

Something tells me that the OP isn’t going to come back to this thread

Shes probably gone to whinge to her mum that loads of strangers on the internet don't agree her actions were reasonable

If you wanted to introduce the children, why on Earth didn’t you arrange your own do?
I feel most sorry for the girls.
As for warning OP he was planning to propose, why should she be told before SIL?

Yes, apologise.

And in the future RESPECT PEOPLE’S FUCKING BOUNDARIES.

It’s not difficult.

And don't even THINK of turning up to that event if you are told not to

Oh god. Please don't front up at their wedding if not invited.

And yes I agree, there is clearly a malicious element in deliberately brining them to their home after all the communication before hand on not to.

Seriously OP, what the hell do you think somebody means when they say NO ?

"The invitation was sent from girlfriend’s phone and said “Can you come...” I just thought it was a meal in their newish house. I replied that me, partner and his two teenagers could come. The response came from girlfriend “Sorry can’t accommodate Partner and teenagers but look forward to meeting them another time.”

This was a NO you ignored it. That was very rude and you should have listened and complied.

"I was a bit put out and replied that the kids were great, well behaved and would fit in. Again response was sorry they could not be accommodated."

This was the second NO which you ignored. You should have listened and complied the first time.

"I now regret texting my brother he said that they hadn’t entertained before so didn’t really want extras."

This was the third NO

He did hint that maybe my partner could come alone as he and girlfriend hadn’t met his kids. Only because you had battered him into a corner and he was trying desperately not to ruin his big day because three times previously you had been told NO and did not listen
" I was really upset as my entire family were going to be at this meal but I couldn’t take my partner and his lovely girls. So then still interfering, you rang your Mother to pester your brother on your behalf
My mother then spoke to my brother and he rang me up annoyed that I had mentioned it and again stressed that there was no room. "

This was the fourth time you were told NO

You then went and wrecked their big day by barging into their garden with people you know were definitely not invited.

It would have ruined their surprise if they had told you beforehand what was going to happen, all they wanted was their own close family there and that included you.

But you decided that wasn't good enough and you were going to turn up there with your partner and his two girls despite being told NO FOUR TIMES and you completely ruined their day.

You seriously need to learn to listen to what people say to you.

You seriously need to understand that No means No the first time someone says it

You seriously need to apologise to your brother and his girlfriend, your actions were ridiculous from refusing to accept the first No.

Tip for the future, if they get married, read the invitation very, very carefully to see who among you, your partner and his two girls are actually invited and make it perfectly clear only the person or people who are invited will attend. Do not question the invitation, do not try and have your partner and his girls included if they are not named on the invitation.

You all sound like very hard work.

Op I don't think you're being dramatic by being so upset. You were humiliated in front of everyone and caused your SIL to cry. I'd be upset too.

I hope you can fix this and all move on.

Well, you know when you get to this many posts...OP is not coming back...

" I had no idea they were going to announce their engagement."

That doesn't matter.

You said that you wouldn't go, then decided to turn up!

Deciding that the meal would be over after 3hrs is just arbitrary!

Op has been back!

Is life always so dramatic in your family?

HELLO DAILY MAIL! 👋🏻

Oh you have come back - apologies OP!

Well it all sounds over dramatic and rather ridiculous. However, you were completely out of order. You were invited and told, politely, that it was just you on this occasion and they could meet your partner and children another time. You just wanted your own way and tried to engineering the situation that way.

Those poor girls.