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Original poster

To have ruined brother’s engagement

999 replies

Illuminati12 · 03/06/2018 17:41

I have been sick and can’t stop crying. I have done something terrible. Totally without thought.
I have been seeing someone for 18 months, lovely man with two children who I met just before Christmas. My family have met him and we took the kids to my mother’s and sisters.
My brother and his partner invited the family round a fortnight ago for a meal yesterday. The family meaning widowed mother, siblings, spouses, kids and me. The invitation was sent from girlfriend’s phone and said “Can you come...” I just thought it was a meal in their newish house. I replied that me, partner and his two teenagers could come. The response came from girlfriend “Sorry can’t accommodate Partner and teenagers but look forward to meeting them another time.”
I was a bit put out and replied that the kids were great, well behaved and would fit in. Again response was sorry they could not be accommodated. I now regret texting my brother he said that they hadn’t entertained before so didn’t really want extras. He did hint that maybe my partner could come alone as he and girlfriend hadn’t met his kids. I was really upset as my entire family were going to be at this meal but I couldn’t take my partner and his lovely girls.
My mother then spoke to my brother and he rang me up annoyed that I had mentioned it and again stressed that there was no room.
Yesterday arrived meal at 12:30. I was upset. We took girls out for pizza and at 4:30 I thought my family would have finished meal and now be in garden and we could drop in and introduce girls and everyone would be relaxed.
I rang bell, no answer so went round side into garden. A micro second before they had announced engagement amidst champagne and now all these faces were looking at us. Girlfriend began to cry and ran upstairs.
Completely embarrassed. My partner tried to usher his girls out. My brother was seething.it was a special moment ruined by strangers.
Girlfriend’s mother then came down with her phone and read back texts between us asking me how I could have thought they were invited.
My sister drove me home. Brother rang to say I was out of order. Girlfriend texted that I am not to go near her again and has made it clear that she will not marry my brother if I am invited. She called me pushy and demanding. They had invited me but I tried to bring strange kids to the party and deliberately tried to have my own way.
I had no idea this was special occasion or I would have gone on my own. I am devastated. Family feel brother will calm down and it will blow over. I am devastated I genuinely didn’t do anything maliciously.

OP posts:
flippyfloppyflower · 04/06/2018 16:56

But Ruffian we only have the OP's version of events (and her version is so full of holes) so I have a feeling everything is not as it appears

Roussette · 04/06/2018 17:01

My doubt is based on the fact her replies by text to the OP were reasonable and normal. And she extended a hand saying she'd like to meet them another time. It doesn't sound dramatic.

Also this.. " The invitation was sent from girlfriend’s phone and said “Can you come...” I just thought it was a meal in their newish house. I replied that me, partner and his two teenagers could come. "

Surely if YOU are asked somewhere you don't say ' yes, me and current boyfriend and his daughters can come' when they haven't been asked!

I was asked to a girlfriend's house the other week. I didn't answer saying, yes, me, DH, DD1 DD2 and DSS can come, thanks!

Ruffian · 04/06/2018 17:01

Well yes, flippy of course we only have the op's version, that's how it usually works isn't it? What 'holes' are bothering you?

I don't doubt there's a big backstory here but that could be just as true of this future-sil who, to me, sounds like a controlling, manipulative arse as of the op.

FabulouslyFab · 04/06/2018 17:02

Is there history between future SIL and OP’s DP? Is that why he and his children weren’t wanted???

JamieVardysHavingAParty · 04/06/2018 17:03

Why do threads that touch on weddings always turn into a character assassination of the soon-to-be bride for being a bridezilla or such?

There are two people getting married, and it sounds like they were equally fucked off with the OP.

"My brother was seething. it was a special moment ruined by strangers.
Girlfriend’s mother then came down with her phone and read back texts between us asking me how I could have thought they were invited.
"My sister drove me home. Brother rang to say I was out of order."

But no, the issue is all on the future bride's head. Hmmm... No. Actually, I think this row could still have happened if he was getting married to a completely different woman, because he doesn't like to make family announcements to strange teenagers he's never met before!

TerfsUp · 04/06/2018 17:04

But Ruffian we only have the OP's version of events (and her version is so full of holes) so I have a feeling everything is not as it appears

You just can't get the quality of fantasist these days.

Lizzie48 · 04/06/2018 17:07

I agree, Ruffian that was totally disproportionate. It wouldn't have occurred to me to exclude a close family member of my DH from our wedding. After all, it isn't just the bride's special day, the groom is getting married too.

I also can't really understand why the fiancée was so insistent that she didn't want the OP's SDDs there. It's not as if they're young children who will disrupt things, they're teenagers.

Anyway, the OP has apologised so, assuming they are all adults, surely they can now put this behind them. Hmm

Aridane · 04/06/2018 17:08

Is it just me who finds the OP’s sobbing and vomiting and having to be driven home at a similar level to the amazing poster on the screaming-at-Michelangelo thread?

Nikephorus · 04/06/2018 17:14

the amazing poster on the screaming-at-Michelangelo thread
I'd forgotten about that cracking vision Grin

Ruffian · 04/06/2018 17:16

What's the big deal about the op being driven home? Pp keep bringing it up..

OP'd just been massively humiliated in front of her dp, his dc and all the family -enough to make anyone feel puke.

LakieLady · 04/06/2018 17:21

I had two gatecrashers at my wedding. My Japanese friend had visiters from Japan over. She apologetically turned up asking if we minded them seeing an English wedding and they would just stay for ten mins and then go. One of my best friends had dropped out the day before (gave birth early) so my mum insisted they took their place and they stayed in friends expensive hotel room (where we were getting married) grin

Aww, that's lovely, Devilish.

My ex and got married in secret on Christmas Eve. We had a party on Boxing Day that all our friends and family were invited to, which was our sort of wedding reception. My SIL rocked up with her MIL (who she knows I can't stand) and some other old biddy we'd never even met.

I was bloody pissed off, having this whiny, moany old woman and her even moanier friend spoiling our celebration, but I took it on the chin, even when they were horrified that the dog was allowed on the sofa and went and sat next to them. No-one would ever have suspected that I was pissed off though, I made them welcome, fed and watered them and treated them like I would any other guest.

A few days later, I spoke to my SIL & BIL, and asked them not to bring her along to an social event of ours that they came to without checking with me that it was ok.

At another party I had, a girl I didn't know awfully well rocked up with her new bloke. He was someone I'd had a shortlived thing with a few months earlier, and we split up on very bad terms. I think he was more embarrassed than me, and when introduced I just smiled and said "Yes, we've met before, nice to see you. What would you like to drink?". It wasn't easy (I was itching to say "Fuck off out of my house, you cunt") but I didn't want to make a scene in front of guests, so I acted like it was fine.

Oddly, acting like it was fine made me feel as though it was fine, which is weird.

Jonbb · 04/06/2018 17:25

Perhaps OP should propose to her partner and invite everyone, and I mean everyone, including the milkman and the paperboy, and all of the sil relatives in their entirety, to the engagement party, in order to show her family what being a good host with good manners is. Being selective and precious over these things is not nice, and having had a rather difficult relationship with my former sil, smiling sweetly, being gracious and taking the high every time is definitely the way to behave. The OP has made a faux pas, and who hasn't, and all that was needed is a, sorry, on the day, I didn't realise this was a special ocassion, oh is that champagne, lovely, I'll pour myself one. Any reaction from the hostess other than a hello, how lovely to see you, pleased to meet you, have a glass, is far worse behaviour. As for not inviting the OP to the wedding is exactly how dreadfully hurtful family feuds start and they are destructive for the entire family, not just the uninvited. Not the way for a wedding to be conducted.

JamieVardysHavingAParty · 04/06/2018 17:26

What's the big deal about the op being driven home? Pp keep bringing it up..

OP'd just been massively humiliated in front of her dp, his dc and all the family -enough to make anyone feel puke.

She mentions that her partner attempted to usher his daughters out, so one wonders why OP didn't go with them already. It suggests she refused to leave with them.

happypoobum · 04/06/2018 17:26

The screamingatmichaelangelo thread is one of my favourites Smile

nolongerblue · 04/06/2018 17:30

'Why do threads that touch on weddings always turn into a character assassination of the soon-to-be bride for being a bridezilla or such?

There are two people getting married, and it sounds like they were equally fucked off with the OP.'

JamieV this has occurred to me too. SIL is getting all the flak but The Man was making the decisions too and also pissed off. Seems unfair that all the blame is going on her.

lastnightidreamtofpotatoes · 04/06/2018 17:33

I actually thought the OP might have been the Gallery Screamer when I read about her constant crying and vomiting. Was a bit disappointed that it wasn't.

Buxtonstill · 04/06/2018 17:40

This has to be a record! nearly 1000 messages, and only 3 from the OP!

Lizzie48 · 04/06/2018 17:48

Not quite a record, there was a thread that reached 1000 posts, where the OP posted once, at the start, and never again. She was complaining that her wealthy fiancé was stingy and hadn't spent enough on her engagement ring. It was hilarious. Grin

Letmesuckyourblood · 04/06/2018 17:50

She needs to get a grip Jesus. I get that OP was told no more than once so shouldn't of took them round but COME ON! To rush off and cry is just fucking ridiculous. They didn't ruin anything by popping there heads round the garden! Some of you are a bunch of bitches.

BoneyBackJefferson · 04/06/2018 17:53

Devilishpyjamas

We understand that you and the rest of your sofa of whatever you like to call yourselves in that oh so passive aggressive way has a different opinion to the rest of us.

there are still questions that remain unanswered
Did the SiL actually burst in to tears, or did she go upstairs angry because the OP has ignored all the times that she has been told no
Where did the OP's DP go?
He seems to have realised that the OP has put him and his DD's in a situation and has fucked off.
How did the reading of the text messages come about?
It is strange that some one would just read them.
Having caused the upset the OP then gets her Dsis to drive her home. Was this the OP's request or was the Dsis told to get her out of the way.
Why did the OP feel the need to turn up at all?
She knew that they would all still be there (she says so in the op) but as they would be in the garden thought fuck it and went anyway.

Devilishpyjamas · 04/06/2018 17:55

Nah I’ve said the brother was a precious twat as well.

TerfsUp · 04/06/2018 17:58

the rest of your sofa

Is that what the cool kids are calling a collective?

Devilishpyjamas · 04/06/2018 17:58

I am CRYING at STRANGER DANGER (crying with laughter, I’m not like the weeping fiancée)

hadenough · 04/06/2018 18:00

This truly is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever read (mainly due to the responses).

Okay, so the OP was told no, but it's not as though she deliberately did something to cause offence, and if her only crime was turning up with her partners kids, then goodness me, I think the world will probably survive.

The reaction from the future SIL sounds absolutely ridiculous, and way over the top.

No wonder the world has problems when people react and behave like this.

Devilishpyjamas · 04/06/2018 18:02

They’re not unanswered questions. soon to be SIL is one of those people who feeds on drama and being the centre of attention. Brother is almost as bad, but at least not weeping at a ruined announcement.

OP dropped in, thinking she was hours after the event, therefore not s problen.but it would be nice to have seen chilled family. Should have texted in advance, made a faux pas. Didn’t need to be a big deal.

We’ve all met people like the fiancée. Personally I keep my distance and raise my eyebrows a lot, but I don’t see what’s so unbelievable.

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