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Original poster

To have ruined brother’s engagement

999 replies

Illuminati12 · 03/06/2018 17:41

I have been sick and can’t stop crying. I have done something terrible. Totally without thought.
I have been seeing someone for 18 months, lovely man with two children who I met just before Christmas. My family have met him and we took the kids to my mother’s and sisters.
My brother and his partner invited the family round a fortnight ago for a meal yesterday. The family meaning widowed mother, siblings, spouses, kids and me. The invitation was sent from girlfriend’s phone and said “Can you come...” I just thought it was a meal in their newish house. I replied that me, partner and his two teenagers could come. The response came from girlfriend “Sorry can’t accommodate Partner and teenagers but look forward to meeting them another time.”
I was a bit put out and replied that the kids were great, well behaved and would fit in. Again response was sorry they could not be accommodated. I now regret texting my brother he said that they hadn’t entertained before so didn’t really want extras. He did hint that maybe my partner could come alone as he and girlfriend hadn’t met his kids. I was really upset as my entire family were going to be at this meal but I couldn’t take my partner and his lovely girls.
My mother then spoke to my brother and he rang me up annoyed that I had mentioned it and again stressed that there was no room.
Yesterday arrived meal at 12:30. I was upset. We took girls out for pizza and at 4:30 I thought my family would have finished meal and now be in garden and we could drop in and introduce girls and everyone would be relaxed.
I rang bell, no answer so went round side into garden. A micro second before they had announced engagement amidst champagne and now all these faces were looking at us. Girlfriend began to cry and ran upstairs.
Completely embarrassed. My partner tried to usher his girls out. My brother was seething.it was a special moment ruined by strangers.
Girlfriend’s mother then came down with her phone and read back texts between us asking me how I could have thought they were invited.
My sister drove me home. Brother rang to say I was out of order. Girlfriend texted that I am not to go near her again and has made it clear that she will not marry my brother if I am invited. She called me pushy and demanding. They had invited me but I tried to bring strange kids to the party and deliberately tried to have my own way.
I had no idea this was special occasion or I would have gone on my own. I am devastated. Family feel brother will calm down and it will blow over. I am devastated I genuinely didn’t do anything maliciously.

OP posts:
Flexoset · 04/06/2018 18:06

I loved the Michaelangelo screamer as well!

^In the room the women come and go
Screaming at Michaelangelo.^

magoria · 04/06/2018 18:06

I normally only cry when I am very very angry and can't express myself.

If I get that angry it is much better I leave the situation than stay there and say stuff that cannot be taken back.

BoneyBackJefferson · 04/06/2018 18:07

Devilishpyjamas
They’re not unanswered questions.

they are very much unanswered questions.

And we have all met people like the OP.

Personally I keep my distance and raise my eyebrows a lot

We all do

but I don’t see what’s so unbelievable.

I haven't said that its unbelievable. Just that I believe that the OP is telling us the whole story.

Devilishpyjamas · 04/06/2018 18:16

I’m not having any problem believing it. fiancée is banning her from the wedding for ruining her big announcement (give me strength again). All pointing towards her being mad as a box of frogs (with brother being either part of that or just a bit wet).

BoneyBackJefferson · 04/06/2018 18:45

Or the OP is being banned from the wedding because she is continually overstepping boundaries and not respecting the fiancée's opinion and feelings, and is so used to getting her own way.

Equally as plausible, just a difference of opinion.

BananaToffo · 04/06/2018 18:49

The big elephant in the room is why you (without your bf and his kids) didn't go to the family get together.

Because "we had the kids that weekend"? You didn't have the kids, he did. You could easily have gone to a family do and left your boyfriend with his children. Why do you have to be present while he has his kids?

I suspect you are playing step-mummy quite aggressively and demanding that everyone sees you as a family unit long before it's appropriate. Otherwise, why would you skip a family event because "we've got the kids"?

RedDogsBeg · 04/06/2018 18:50

hadenough no wonder the world has problems when people hear the word 'no' and ignore it.

BearsDontDigOnDancing · 04/06/2018 18:58

Could be worse for your future SIL OP.

My SIL announced her engagement at my engagement party, then announced her pregnancy at the wedding.

It is funny 11 years later.

ferrier · 04/06/2018 19:01

If I had a dp of 18 months I would expect him to be treated as one of the family. For a family event we would come as a family unit or not at all unless there was some clash of events.

BoneyBackJefferson · 04/06/2018 19:04

ferrier

It is stated in the OP that they changed their minds and he could come.

Lizzie48 · 04/06/2018 19:05

Why are you so keen to demonise the OP, BoneyBackJefferson? There's nothing to suggest that she regularly oversteps the mark regularly. If they'd gatecrashed the meal, that would be entitled behaviour. As far as she knew, it was only a family meal, she wasn't to know that there was going to be a big announcement, as she's not a mind reader. She should have texted before she went round, though, of course .

Either way, the fiancée's reaction was way OTT and banning the OP from the wedding is only going to cause a family feud, and what is the point of that? Some people just feed on drama.

cleofatra · 04/06/2018 19:09

I would like to know if the OP has been to the house before. Many are saying it is perfectly normal for her to have rocked up late as it was a family thing but this is the Fiance's home (Brothers as well, yes but a newish home owned by both).

DasPepe · 04/06/2018 19:12

And if OP had gone alone, as asked. How would she feel? When the big announcement was made and everyone turned to each other and smiled and she would have been alone.
And then going home and telling her partner about the announcement. Would the OP’s partner be invited to the wedding? Then why not the engagement party?

It sounds like the brother and girlfriend were so focused on their big moment that they didn’t think how others would feel.

OP - yes you were in the wrong to go against their wishes but I wonder what these requests say about what they think of you and your partner. Clearly they don’t consider him family

DioneTheDiabolist · 04/06/2018 19:13

Not going at all is fine ferrier. I bet the OP's brother wished she had gone for that option.

cleofatra · 04/06/2018 19:14

Even the OP thinks her partner isn't quite there wrt being a member of the family. She said she would have gone alone if she had known it was a special family event.

BoneyBackJefferson · 04/06/2018 19:16

Lizzie48

The OP has been told no on no less than four different times by different people.
The OP decided that that even after she got her own way and that her DP could come that she wasn't going.
And the OPdecided that even though the children weren't supposed to be there she decided to take them anyway because she knew that they would still be in the garden and she wanted to introduce them at someone else's event.
Then there is the "apology" to the OP, its not an apology.

that and the holes in the OP's tale.

But if you going to ask that then why are you not asking
Why are people so keen to demonise the SiL?

Bluntness100 · 04/06/2018 19:18

What do you base your doubt on though? The behaviour would be consistent with someone who also texted that I am not to go near her again and has made it clear that she will not marry my brother if I am invited

Meh. It's also consistent with someone who was constantly putting up with obnoxious cheeky fuckery from the op. I'd bet good money she caused an argument.

And that's why the Bride to be has told her never to come near her again etc. Remember the brother is "seething" apparantly, and clearly mummy dearest ain't happy either. So all in there is some big old gaps here.

I'm choosing to believe the whole family are not over dramatic hysterical nutters. And the op hasn't been completely honest

It's highly unlikely the mere sight of her made the brother seeth, the fiancée cry and rhe mother start reading out texts. Cmon. Who would believe that?

Roussette · 04/06/2018 19:22

When the big announcement was made and everyone turned to each other and smiled and she would have been alone

Am I missing the point here? What's wrong with having no one to smile with? You just smile at everyone else! It's hardly an awful thing to happen!

BoneyBackJefferson · 04/06/2018 19:25

When the big announcement was made and everyone turned to each other and smiled and she would have been alone

Why would she be alone, she would have been surrounded by family, or doesn't that count now?

Devilishpyjamas · 04/06/2018 19:29

Given the OP’s self flagellation I doubt she’s a cheeky fucker. Even if she was the fiancée is still mad as a box of self obsessed frogs (& the brother).

Lizzie48 · 04/06/2018 19:33

All I'm saying is that this is all very petty and can surely be sorted out without a family feud? I'm sorry but if this is the most the happy couple have to put up with then I don't have much sympathy.

I think we're all speculating because the OP has only posted 3 times.

Lizzie48 · 04/06/2018 19:35

I actually think the two of them are probably as bad as each other, but the OP did apologise, hope that's the end of it.

Bluntness100 · 04/06/2018 19:35

Given the OP’s self flagellation I doubt she’s a cheeky fucker

Really? I'd call someone who has to be told no four times and then does it anyway as the very definition of a cheeky fucker 🤣🤣🤣

BoneyBackJefferson · 04/06/2018 19:36

Lizzie48

I'm sure that it will be sorted, But given (as you say) that the OP has only posted three times the SiL doesn't deserve the vitriol that has been aimed at her either.

BoneyBackJefferson · 04/06/2018 19:38

Given the OP’s self flagellation I doubt she’s a cheeky fucker

Strangely enough I have seen narcissists acting in exactly that way.

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