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Original poster

To have ruined brother’s engagement

999 replies

Illuminati12 · 03/06/2018 17:41

I have been sick and can’t stop crying. I have done something terrible. Totally without thought.
I have been seeing someone for 18 months, lovely man with two children who I met just before Christmas. My family have met him and we took the kids to my mother’s and sisters.
My brother and his partner invited the family round a fortnight ago for a meal yesterday. The family meaning widowed mother, siblings, spouses, kids and me. The invitation was sent from girlfriend’s phone and said “Can you come...” I just thought it was a meal in their newish house. I replied that me, partner and his two teenagers could come. The response came from girlfriend “Sorry can’t accommodate Partner and teenagers but look forward to meeting them another time.”
I was a bit put out and replied that the kids were great, well behaved and would fit in. Again response was sorry they could not be accommodated. I now regret texting my brother he said that they hadn’t entertained before so didn’t really want extras. He did hint that maybe my partner could come alone as he and girlfriend hadn’t met his kids. I was really upset as my entire family were going to be at this meal but I couldn’t take my partner and his lovely girls.
My mother then spoke to my brother and he rang me up annoyed that I had mentioned it and again stressed that there was no room.
Yesterday arrived meal at 12:30. I was upset. We took girls out for pizza and at 4:30 I thought my family would have finished meal and now be in garden and we could drop in and introduce girls and everyone would be relaxed.
I rang bell, no answer so went round side into garden. A micro second before they had announced engagement amidst champagne and now all these faces were looking at us. Girlfriend began to cry and ran upstairs.
Completely embarrassed. My partner tried to usher his girls out. My brother was seething.it was a special moment ruined by strangers.
Girlfriend’s mother then came down with her phone and read back texts between us asking me how I could have thought they were invited.
My sister drove me home. Brother rang to say I was out of order. Girlfriend texted that I am not to go near her again and has made it clear that she will not marry my brother if I am invited. She called me pushy and demanding. They had invited me but I tried to bring strange kids to the party and deliberately tried to have my own way.
I had no idea this was special occasion or I would have gone on my own. I am devastated. Family feel brother will calm down and it will blow over. I am devastated I genuinely didn’t do anything maliciously.

OP posts:
BoneyBackJefferson · 03/06/2018 19:37

AskAuntLydia

I am looking forward to the Bridezilla antics of the SIL.

I get the feeling that any Bridezilla antics will probably be in response to the OP demanding that the children are bridesmaids

Juells · 03/06/2018 19:38

He's not the OP's partner. He's a boyfriend. She only met his children before Christmas, and is demonstrating what a wonderful stepmother she'll be. Hmm

SimonTheIceKing · 03/06/2018 19:38

For context When my brother announced his engagement he invited me out on my own. I've been married for 15 years and have kids that he adores. Him and his partner chose to announce to a small group of people, rather than the chaos that is 6 families.

I didn't know the reason for the solo invite but it didn't even occur to me to try and change his mind or argue with him. I just went. I trusted he had a reason for it, which he did. It felt like a privilege to be included. No one else in my family has thrown a fit at not being invited.

You were incredibly rude trying to force an invite for people who are essentially strangers to them. You were incredibly rude for turning up very late with uninvited people hoping you can force them on everyone. You were incredibly rude for forcing your way into their garden when they didn't answer the door.

I'd be mightily pissed as well tbh. I do think there is a slight overreaction BUT I'd not calm down for a while. You need to recognise your rudeness on all counts and sincerely apologise.

BoneyBackJefferson · 03/06/2018 19:39

ThePlanetGoesOnBeingRound3

But they had moved from no partner to partner included. even if it was the after much badgering by the OP.

ScipioAfricanus · 03/06/2018 19:39

Everyone sounds unreasonable in this scenario. Why does everything have to be announced in a special, ott scenario nowadays? I wouldn’t care if there were strangers there when I announced my engagement, only I didn’t announce my engagement because I’m not a member of the royal family. Just told parents on phone and they passed it on.

That said, it seems weird you were keen to gatecrash a gathering with your partner and his daughters.

It sounds like the entire family has too much time on its hands and loves a pointless drama. And the fiancée bursting into tears at it all - sounds like she’s marrying into the right family!

Dopplerineffect · 03/06/2018 19:40

actually think her DB and his GF knew from experience that the whole day would turn out to be about the OP and her new boyfriend, when it was supposed to be about them announcing their engagement.

Did you not notice - this isn't the OP's partner, it's a boyfriend.

Semantics. They should have just included them all as a family. Then job done. I would have to my sisters family.

Ikabod · 03/06/2018 19:40

At least you know you were unreasonable. That's a good starting point for trying to patch things up. Your future SIL sounds like she'll be a total bridezilla, so with any luck you'll be back in their good books juuuust before the wedding.

But if they say not to bring your step kids, don't take themWink

pigeondujour · 03/06/2018 19:40

It is out of order to bring uninvited extras, but in my view - your brother and his girlfriend sound like total pains in the arse. One of my siblings has a partner of a similar length of time to you who has two kids and I wouldn't dream of saying they weren't welcome at a family dinner. They're my sibling's family, ergo mine. As for specifically not inviting your partner - unconscionably rude of them. Why do people think it's okay to invite others to celebrate their relationship while completely disregarding those people's relationships? An orchestrated 'engagement announcement' from a couple who have a house together is pretty self indulgent anyway. I certainly wouldn't be buying them champagne, I'd be telling them to get a grip.

Juells · 03/06/2018 19:42

I don't get this...

My partner tried to usher his girls out. My brother was seething.it was a special moment ruined by strangers.

My sister drove me home.

So why did the sister drive the OP home? Where were the boyfriend and his children?

How come the younger child was around later, to do impressions of the SiL?

Does not compute.

Bluntness100 · 03/06/2018 19:42

I suspect the op is desperate for the kids to be included to cement the relationship with this guy. She wants them to be seen as a family. So she steam rollered over everyone's feelings, made everyone feel bad in advance by repeatedly asking for them to come and then was so determined the kids would meet her wider family she just took them anyway.

Yes she made it all about her and her needs but I suspect there is something deeper here. Smacks of a kind of desperation really to do it.

Normal folks would have said, ok, how about I come for the meal and they pop in later, or ok, and I shall see them in the evening and leave early, or simply I've a family thing on, will see them another time. Causing a fuss, then declining the invite, then fronting up anyway isn't normal behaviour at all.

So clearly there is something more that made her so determined and desperate to have these kids at her families event, that she lost all sight of common decency and forged ahead anyway.

The question I guess is what caused her to behave this way.

BoneyBackJefferson · 03/06/2018 19:43

pigeondujour

You (or the OP) would also be saying goodbye to any sort of relationship with them as well.

AskAuntLydia · 03/06/2018 19:43

AskAuntLydia

I am looking forward to the Bridezilla antics of the SIL.

*I get the feeling that any Bridezilla antics will probably be in response to the OP demanding that the children are bridesmaids

No, I'm absolutely certain that she'll have a few independent of the OP's lunatic demands. I'm sure between the 2 of them they'll create absolute class entertainment for the guests. Grin

Valanice1989 · 03/06/2018 19:44

Okay, I apologise for saying that the younger daughter was mean for mocking the bride-to-be. She's only a kid. I just feel that the OP has created a situation where, to outsiders, her future SIL looks like a melodramatic bridezilla when in reality there's probably more to it.

ThePlanetGoesOnBeingRound3 · 03/06/2018 19:47

He's not the OP's partner. He's a boyfriend.

Grin

Relationship timer police alert (mine is more valid than yours, it's lasted longer)

Fatball · 03/06/2018 19:47

Hahahaha you all sound quite bonkers 😁

NonnoMum · 03/06/2018 19:48

I feel sorry for you OP. I think you were doing a lovely thing trying to make your DP's children feel welcome and I think you were thinking of them. I think it was fair enough that you thought you were popping in to say at what have been the end of a meal.
I think you are getting a hard time on here. I know how hard it is to be a step mum and always try to do the right thing by everyone.
If your brother's girlfriend is so upset that she thinks she needs to cancel the wedding then her priorities are all wrong.
Let it blow over, but i agree you did not do this out of malice. People do far worse things.

KittenBeast · 03/06/2018 19:48

This reply has been deleted

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pictish · 03/06/2018 19:48

Honestly, you guffed up, didn’t listen and were far too headstrong on this...BUT I do think your brother and his gf totally need to get over themselves. Like totally.

Girlfriend began to cry and ran upstairs? Did she? How pathetic. She was announcing their engagement not being sainted for fuck’s sake. Precious much?

So yeah...both at falt. You for being a steamroller and her for being a self-important twat about getting engaged. So what that your partner’s kids turned up after the ‘big announcement’ (rolls eyes) - it’s a happy occasion...no need to spoil it with bloody tears.
Pair of arseholes in my option.

pictish · 03/06/2018 19:49

*opinion

Bloody autocorrect

HeyDolly · 03/06/2018 19:49

Jeulls makes a very good point a few posts up.

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 03/06/2018 19:49

Relationship timer police alert (mine is more valid than yours, it's lasted longer)
Wonders idly how long OPs SIL2B has been with OP’s DB....

AnotherRanger · 03/06/2018 19:50

You all sound batshit, HTH.

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 03/06/2018 19:51

You all sound batshit, HTH.
Grin except the younger of the two girls Grin

Barbaro · 03/06/2018 19:51

So you are letting one of your boyfriends 'lovely' girls make fun of the girlfriend as well now?

I stand by my original statement. You're an idiot.

MetalMidget · 03/06/2018 19:52

OP, you say that you don't have form for this, but you rocked up at their party with not only extra univited guests, but ones that had been explicitly not invited several times. Hell, a normal person wouldn't have pushed it after the first refusal.

If you're oblivious enough to do that, then I think that there's a fair chance you done similar in the past, but people have bitten their tongues.