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Original poster

To have ruined brother’s engagement

999 replies

Illuminati12 · 03/06/2018 17:41

I have been sick and can’t stop crying. I have done something terrible. Totally without thought.
I have been seeing someone for 18 months, lovely man with two children who I met just before Christmas. My family have met him and we took the kids to my mother’s and sisters.
My brother and his partner invited the family round a fortnight ago for a meal yesterday. The family meaning widowed mother, siblings, spouses, kids and me. The invitation was sent from girlfriend’s phone and said “Can you come...” I just thought it was a meal in their newish house. I replied that me, partner and his two teenagers could come. The response came from girlfriend “Sorry can’t accommodate Partner and teenagers but look forward to meeting them another time.”
I was a bit put out and replied that the kids were great, well behaved and would fit in. Again response was sorry they could not be accommodated. I now regret texting my brother he said that they hadn’t entertained before so didn’t really want extras. He did hint that maybe my partner could come alone as he and girlfriend hadn’t met his kids. I was really upset as my entire family were going to be at this meal but I couldn’t take my partner and his lovely girls.
My mother then spoke to my brother and he rang me up annoyed that I had mentioned it and again stressed that there was no room.
Yesterday arrived meal at 12:30. I was upset. We took girls out for pizza and at 4:30 I thought my family would have finished meal and now be in garden and we could drop in and introduce girls and everyone would be relaxed.
I rang bell, no answer so went round side into garden. A micro second before they had announced engagement amidst champagne and now all these faces were looking at us. Girlfriend began to cry and ran upstairs.
Completely embarrassed. My partner tried to usher his girls out. My brother was seething.it was a special moment ruined by strangers.
Girlfriend’s mother then came down with her phone and read back texts between us asking me how I could have thought they were invited.
My sister drove me home. Brother rang to say I was out of order. Girlfriend texted that I am not to go near her again and has made it clear that she will not marry my brother if I am invited. She called me pushy and demanding. They had invited me but I tried to bring strange kids to the party and deliberately tried to have my own way.
I had no idea this was special occasion or I would have gone on my own. I am devastated. Family feel brother will calm down and it will blow over. I am devastated I genuinely didn’t do anything maliciously.

OP posts:
ThePlanetGoesOnBeingRound3 · 03/06/2018 19:11

Well I think the GF was wrong for saying partner wasn't included on the invitation.
No-one I know in the real world would exclude a partner of 18mths with a 'can't accommodate' excuse.
But, OP, if you said, during the course of the text conversations, that it was your DP's weekend with the girls...well then I understand them (DB+GF) trying to put you off.
They should have just said they didn't want his children to attend.
They should not have excluded your partner.
BUT...you must have known that to crash in on the day after being told no, so many times, was bad form.
She's marked your card in a very public way.
Apologise profusely and start again.
But next time anyone tries to sideline your partner tell them straight, if he doesn't go, you don't go.
And DON'T GO.
Flowers it's shit when you've messed up, as pp said - humble pie tastes bad - but it isn't the end of the world.

Dopplerineffect · 03/06/2018 19:11

so that instead of the focus being rightly on the happy couple it was on OP & her uninvited posse.

It didn’t have to be. People slip into and out of a party ( especially in a garden all of the time) everyone should have just got on with it. It’s all frankly ridiculous.

Those poor kids!!

Starlight2345 · 03/06/2018 19:11

Op . I would send flowers an apology and congratulations on engagement and let them know it will never happen again .

My guess this is also final straw

expatinscotland · 03/06/2018 19:12

'As for the girls the older one was mortified but the younger one is doing impressions of brother’s girlfriend. '

Yeah, they sound so lovely.

You were told NO to bring them several times by 3 different people and basically told them to fuck off you were going to do what you wanted to anyway.

NO ONE in your family is going to be as invested in your boyfriend's kids as you. Stop ramming them down their throats.

I hope they can patch things up but I'd not invite you to the wedding at all because from the way you behave you're likely to rock up with all of them if they're not invited.

Gottokondo · 03/06/2018 19:12

You must be so incredibly self centered to ignore 4 No's and still do what you want to.

boilerhouse2007 · 03/06/2018 19:12

''If OP and her siblings are used to unannounced visitors, the drop in hours after the meal just doesn’t sound like such a big deal.''

yea that's why i think the op is not as bad as is being made out, she assumed it was for space/lack of food reasons so came hours after. That makes it different and not as bad.

BlueTrousers · 03/06/2018 19:13

I need to know what happened next, did you all just slink away? Did you cry there? What did your DP do/say?

flippyfloppyflower · 03/06/2018 19:13

I thought you were very foolish to take the girls when told not to (it is not your house and the invitation was for you alone) but thought these things sometimes happen. But when I see you state the following but the younger one is doing impressions of brother’s girlfriend I see why they did not want the girls there (i.e. the girlfriend has been proved right by not inviting them.

expatinscotland · 03/06/2018 19:13

'But next time anyone tries to sideline your partner tell them straight, if he doesn't go, you don't go.'

Gawd, yes, do this! So then they don't have to be bothered by you because you're surgically attached at the hip to your boyfriend.

BoneyBackJefferson · 03/06/2018 19:14

ThePlanetGoesOnBeingRound3

The partner is someone that they haven't met

Nikephorus · 03/06/2018 19:15

She could have done it with the 2 girls there, they'd have hardly of cared.
That's part of the point - they aren't family, they don't care, it was supposed to be about people that do care.

Dobbythesockelf · 03/06/2018 19:15

You were told no 4 times and still turned up, I don't get why you can't see that this is rude, family or not.
I hope you are pulling the teenager up on kicking your brothers fiance cause that is just rude.
You need to apologise. Don't try to make excuses just say you are sorry.
Do you often make everything about you? Do you often not listen to what people are saying to you? You need to have a look at what made you think your wants were more important than theirs.

PurpleTrilby · 03/06/2018 19:16

You've been roundly told off OP and I'm not surprised - BUT - you can turn this into a positive. Wanna know the best thing that ever happened to me? I got sacked. I was 18 and a know it all, I thought I could swear at work, not bother with office systems, I was special. Turned out I wasn't special and I'd overstepped the mark in a few ways. So what that forced me to do was take a long hard look in the mirror and give myself a kick up the bum. It's human to make mistakes, but it takes humility and maturity to not make the same mistakes over and over again. Please take the time to learn from this, it could be the making of you.

Aridane · 03/06/2018 19:17

Is this,for real?

BoneyBackJefferson · 03/06/2018 19:17

Nikephorus
That's part of the point - they aren't family, they don't care, it was supposed to be about people that do care.

From what the OP has posted she only cares because she was caught out.

happypoobum · 03/06/2018 19:17

OP do you generally find it difficult to accept when people say "No" to you?

YWVVU and selfish. Like a bloody steamroller.

hollieberrie · 03/06/2018 19:18

Oh OP I feel so bad for you, I think you just totally misread the situation and unfortunately got it spectacularly wrong. I can imagine doing something similar, esp if i was totally smitten with partner and wanted everyone to meet him and his lovely kids.

Its not that bad, no-one was physically hurt, they will get over it. Send flowers and a grovelling apology then leave it for a while.

Flowers for you.

TerfsUp · 03/06/2018 19:20

I have my doubts, Ariadne.

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 03/06/2018 19:20

You really do need to apologise, but I have to be honest
As for the girls the older one was mortified but the younger one is doing impressions of brother’s girlfriend
It sounds like the younger girl has a good sense of proportion to me provided she doesn’t perform the impressions in front of an inappropriate audience- be prepared for her to do it for your DPs ex though....

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 03/06/2018 19:20

This is like it is with my mother. She won’t accept the answer “no” unless I explain in detail the reason and my thinking about it. In private it’s bad enough but it’s often in front of other people too! Amd then she says: oh you’re right in this case. No. Shit.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 03/06/2018 19:20

I think you just totally misread the situation

No she ignored numerous people who said no and she is now rightly facing the consequences.

Sometimes I think I am on another planet I do not understand how anyone could read this and think you are reasonable, or there is any justification for your actions! Shock

WeAllHaveWings · 03/06/2018 19:20

did you tell your dp he wasn't invited and you had been told at least 4 times not to bring him?

if you did and he still went with you, you are perfect for each other Hmm

Aridane · 03/06/2018 19:20

hollie - even though you were told FOUR times not to bring them along on this occasion??

MumofBoysx2 · 03/06/2018 19:20

Awkward! He obviously worked hard to get you on your own and not bring the relative newcomers since it was a private family event. To be fair he could have said quietly to you that it was a special event and close family only. But I wouldn't have just turned up with everyone after the clear message. I can't see how it could ruin family ties though, I would probably offer something really special as a wedding present, to make up for it. They would be unreasonable to hold it against you. Time heals!

Miranda15110 · 03/06/2018 19:21

I just find this whole saga bizarre. I really couldn't be arsed with the drama. And as for new fiancée saying she's not going to marry brother if OP is invited to wedding. Christ on a bike it's like a soap plot 😂